Annoying Office Jargon - Part III

Agile working.

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Thinly veiled “ pretending to work from home”.

Working from home IS pretend working. Full stop.

Got this beaut yesterday.

As part of new legislation we are now required to report two new sets of numbers related to our compensation. The first is the ratio between our CEO and median employee’s compensation. The second is our Gender Pay Gap.

after the news was delivered they finished up with …

Moving forward, you can expect to hear more from me around compensation and diversity. I know this is important to you, and I am committed to communicating with you in an open and transparent way.

Another woman hater…

What’s the jargon here?

I don’t discriminate. I hate everyone.

Eh?

This thread is for annoying office jargon, which part of that was annoying office jargon?

I was invited to a series of “Drumbeat” meetings today.

Bidda Lord!

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They obviously don’t trust you to get the job done.

Having intentionality

Was it a wardance?

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I was told today of a P1 problem. Apparently this means Priority 1.
He could have just said it was urgent.

It’s not me they don’t trust, it’s finance and especially procurement who are the problem

Did you just tell him to plug the printer out and back in again mate?

There’s urgent and there’s “urgent”.

P1 isn’t urgent. That’s P0.

That sounds like an operational matter. There’s a 1800 number you call for that.

Just used the phrase ‘cradle to grave’ there in relation to a large scale project plan.