Annoying Office jargon

I remember we had a thread like this before but I thought I’d start it off again.

Today the guy sitting beside me has repeatedly used the phrase “going forward”

It is getting on my nerves now and I fear I may do something rash.

Revert is another stupid word which is thrown around needlessly

I must say I quite like using “revert” myself Flano. I was shocked today to hear myself say “if we can get back to an even keel”. I should be taken out and shot.

Make sure that document gets back to me in apple pie order.

It’s a standard form document - real plain vanilla stuff.

Make sure you’re visible on that deal.

Are you busy at the moment? Do you have bandwidth available to give me a hand with something.

Found myself saying at one stage last year to the semi senior on my job ‘Do you want to meet up so we can bounce a few things off each other?’

Wrong on so many levels.

Ah that was when I had motivation - I often ask myself what happened.

The Classic Stena Line Jargon:

“Whenever we aquire Irish Ferries pax (passengers) due to canx (cancellations) make sure to make them feel like Stena Line guests”

My Reply:

“But they are Irish Ferries Pax, do we really want that sort back!!”

Quite funny, but I’m never allowed in the boardroom again!! Only to serve coffee.

in a meeting once in my office the company head of “HR” said the following.
“we need to get under the bonnet of the problem and sort out a resolution that is satisfactory to all concerned”

i wont lie to you … i wanted to end his life there and then.

going forward ,
ball park figure,
touch base …oh good jesus the list is endless.

management around the world are taught this at conferences as it essentially means saying nothing and confusing the questioner (sic).

its like politician speak . reply to a question but never give an answer.

come on rovers . beat the bozos.

Something came up in the office today about an agenda so I said the line from The Office ‘Me no get no agenda’. Then a Roscommon twat, who I never spoke to before, turns around laughing - ‘Ha Ha David Brent’.

It wasn’t addressed to you so keep your stupid Ros mouth shut

‘I boxed something off before close of business today.’

I was delighted with myself.

“Let’s get it in before close of play”

Acroynms are quite the annoyance. Especially when people make them up and use them as if you’re supposed to know what they mean.

SCT = Slow count traveller

Fook aff