Listen here bitch, don’t turn this rape into a murder.
Steamboatsam’s favourite:
Go up to 2 birds, one a stunner and the other a complete munter.
Make eye contact with the munter and say, ‘fancy a dance?’
Being rotten she might be delighted with the offer so she’s likely to say, ‘Yeah, why not?’
Then you pipe up with, ‘well, off you go then so I can chat to your mate.’
‘Hows your arse for lovebites?’
Hey bitch, that dress would look great on my bedroom floor
This one works best in places like CFJs where there is only ever one or two fit ones and they look down on the Bridies and Annettes. Go up to a really fit one who is also really full of herself, whisper into her ear:
Me: Do you want some hay?
Teresa: What?!
Me: Do you want some hay?
Teresa: Eh, no
Me: Well you’re the first cow I ever saw to turn down hay
Sex kills…wana die happy?
Me: My watch can tell if you’ve any knickers on.
Bird: What?
Me: I said my watch says you’ve no knickers on.
Bird: Well it’s wrong (or words to that effect)
Me: Oh sorry I forgot, it’s five minutes fast.
Actually said this to one bird (as a joke) & worked out even better, as before I got to the punchline she confirmed my watch was right.
Guy: “Would you like to dance?”
Girl:“I don’t care for this song and surely wouldn’t dance with you.”
Guy: “I’m sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants”
I’d like to screw your brains out but it appears someone beat me to it.
I wish you were a pony carousel outside Tesco so i could ride you all day for a euro.
I’d like to kiss you passionately on the lips, then move up to your belly button.
Do you want some cheese with that wine?
Do you sleep on ur belly?
Pause for ans and dramatic effect
Can I?
Are you from jamaica…because your ja making me crazy…
Are you from tennesse…because your the only ten i see…
but i usually find that a bit of shit talk is more effective than a chat up line…
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
a friend of mine when he is well boozed in chippers or smoking areas etc will walk up to a young one and point over to me(or any other misfortune with him) and ask her(loud enough so a good number of people will hear him):
how much for me and my buddy…
[quote=“The Puke”]a friend of mine when he is well boozed in chippers or smoking areas etc will walk up to a young one and point over to me(or any other misfortune with him) and ask her(loud enough so a good number of people will hear him):
how much for me and my buddy…[/quote]
whats the general reaction to that?
normally he tries to find the most stuck up bird he can see…or if he sees a fella that looks like a right shit head with her he will wander over…he would alway tip me off just incase…normally gets fucked out of it but he is a big enough fucker about 6"1 and 17 odd stone and im not small either so we normally go over and shape to yourman if he is mouthing…good auld crack all the same…
some women find it funny as they know your man is only a bit of an ape…
A bird in Copper’s last week literally told me to fook off and stuck her fingers up at me when I approached and used my new line:
‘Do you want to do a little bit of kissing straight away or will you need ten or fifteen minutes to get to know me?’
These bitches are hard work.
If any of ye single lads actually do get to go on a date, this is a sure fire way to break the ice. She’s said yes to meet you for a drink/dinner so as early in the night as you can, give her a kiss on the cheek, lips if you can get away with it and say “I just want to get that out of the way, I’d hate to have to wait all evening to do it” Chicks love that shit…
What are these ‘date’ things you speak of?
It is funny that conversely enough lads have to be ridiculously gay, like using the line above, if they want to get off with birds.
Ridiculous.
Bring back the slow sets.
man:Your surname isn’t jacobs is it?
bird: no afraid not
man: sorry i just thought you were cracker…
if she takes offence then you say ’ pick a window…you’re leavin’!!!