FAO Accountants

Nice people that you are, I’m sure you can help me with a tax issue I have from my time serving the Queen.

At the moment, on the seething scale I am perhaps at a 8.5. I’m due a decent tax refund from Her Majesty’s Revenue and Customs. As part of this, you have to send a p85 form and your p45 to your local tax office - mine was in Glasgow for some reason. You are then given the option for them to put the refund into a UK bank account or to post it to your home address which I gave at the time as West Clare.

I sent the first batch off in Oct, Nov time. Heard nothing back. Called around Xmas. Cunts told me they had received nothing. The Royal Mail were on strike at the time. Sent off again in January. Around March, a letter came for me at home looking for proof of address in the UK. A truly retarded concept as surely if I was paying tax in the UK, I lived there but anyway still no refund. Mother sent off details of where I lived in the UK. Still no refund.

There is also the bizarre case of two emails I have received to my gmail account from the ‘HMRC’ that look official enough except gmail sent them to spam and still have a phishing warning on them. It has the amount that I am due a refund with a click here icon. But the click here is a bit dodgy and doesnt work. Plus the heading ‘Anual Tax Notification’ spelled incorrectly would obviously scare me.

Ringing these cunts was a nightmare at home but obviously worse now. They generally ask some security questions. What is you’re address. Of course what the simpleton hun cunts dont get is that I have left the UK. What address are they referring to? “Oh we cant give this information”. So I guess one of the addresses I had in London and I get the “sorry you failed the security questions”. I tell them look I have left the UCK and they are like, “well you can send a letter” where I then proceed to call the stupid cunt a stupid cunt. One time I rang I got through to a nice enough woman who didnt bother with the security shite but its pot luck. And being Glasgow the majority are inbred anyway. It’s costing me a fortune ringing the cunts and still no money. One of the girls that left the UCK at the same time as me got her refund within a month.


all accountants are dry-arses

Not sure what an accountant will help you with there. Your having trouble understanding what the girl is trying to tell you.

Send them a fucking letter like they ask dumb ass.

  1. this is 2010 - sending letters is fucking retarded. Especially with identity theft massive in the UK as probably happened the first letter I sent off. Cunts wont give out a fax number or email address of course.

  2. From reading online, HRMC are notorious for losing letters, not paying out in full, awful customer service etc etc. They like to fob people off which they are doing to me.

  3. Those cunts want me to send a letter to do what exactly? To prove I lived in the UK - my mother did that already plus it was on the p85 form too. To prove I worked in the UK - covered in the P45. To prove I left the UK - covered in P85. Also wrote them a lovely letter explaining my circumstances in both letters I sent the cunts.

Still no refund.

If you ever go into business you’ll find out that sending letters isn’t always retarded, but anyway.

But you don’t trust the e-mails? Send a few trial mails, with no info, see if you get a response.

Otherwise do as they say, its sounds like your just impatient.

Not sure how an accountant is supposed to help you there but I will give my advice anyway.

Talk to your mate who got the refund within a month and do what she did.

If that doesn’t work, hound the shit out of them for a week solid (this may require a cost benefit analysis on cost of phone calls versus potential tax recharge), don’t take no for an answer and explain that you are calling from Oz and this is most unsatisfactory blah blah blah. Do this until you get someone to say that the cheque has been sent. Once that has been said, ring them the next day and play dumb, explain your situation again without telling them that you have been told that your cheque has been sent to which they should reply with ‘your cheque has been issued’. Then there is a good chance that is actually has been.

This is an example of labour’s legacy to Britain. Hiring a shitload of inbreds into public sector jobs to administrate a ridiculously complex tax system.

I know you said they didn’t give you out a fax number when you asked buy faxing is the solution here. Like an instant registered letter. You’ll know they got it, you’ll have proof of sending and it’s instant.

Wouldn’t be overly concerned by gmail marking the mail as spam but the link click thing sounds dodgy.

I deal with HMRC in Glagow a good bit. They are a disaster zone. Use a regiserted letter and get a name when you talk to them …

Good luck to any trainee chartered accountants who will be sitting the FAEs this week.

I can honestly say it’s not worth it and passing is a massive anti-climax.

Apparently the last set of exam results that came out were right bad. Only 35% pass rate or something. Is that the institute training to limit numbers graduating?

Joyless cunt. FAE day is a great day. It’s every day thereafter that’s shite.

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I knew I had passed the day we finished so the results day was a let down.

Runt - you are indeed correct that pass rates have come down significantly. A combination of a new course and there not being a need for accountants would be the reason for the pass rates I’d reckon.

wtf tinnion??? You are my inspiration…and now you come out with that scheidt. Maybe you should’ve told me how you felt 3 years ago. FFS. Some company (partnership) man you are.

New course, recession & erstwhile (silver) spoonfed Celtic cubs stuggling to adapt to the real world. Wouldn’t have happened in your day tinnion, with grafters like you and farmer on the case.

And the institute have taken the dramatic step to focus on such things as debits and credits, which is apparently causing consternation. Imagine, expecting an accountant to know debits and credits. Tsk.

It’s grand for the monkeys who work in funds not to know them I suppose.

How’d you get on in auditing?

How embarrassing.

That a pop at me?

It’s grand, I have it written on my hand. P&L Dr. Bad Cr. Good. Balance Sheet Dr. Good Cr. Bad.

Ah aren’t accountant jokes the best?

Apologies Appendage, it’s worth it if you want to qualify, get a job in industry and earn and easy €55-70k for a few years for doing boring work inside normal office hours. That’s just not for me.

ive few friends who work in one of the Big 4 and for their second year exams which came out there few weeks out that firm only had a 30% pass rate…

they were all told after they first year results that they was cracking down on failures… told them they needed to [ass their mocks too… but those who failed the exams are been given the chance to repeat … however if they fail the repeats they are out or so the firm says

Hiya Appendage. Hiya pal.

Good luck this week. Exams are great. The conditions and structure allows you to display your vast knowledge in an organised and peaceful environment.

Please don’t waste this opportunity.