Top quality funeral tip Runt. I use that one a lot.
A great maneuver ,it works well with a slight head tilt and a reassuring slow nod.
Good tip RTT, you need never utter a word if you can master that nod
The double-handed clasp is a masterstroke of funeral etiquette, expresses deep sympathy and is quite stately. Great tip mate.
I have no problem walking blithely past weeping relations to make a bee line for the one relation I know. If feeling generous of spirit I may give a nod of feint acknowledgement to the others Iâm largely ignoring. A tremendous way of avoiding this charade is catching the one dude you want to sympathise with either as theyâre leaving the church where they can be isolated, or if youâre attending the funeral proper, after theyâve carted the deceased out and are milling around hearse in isolation and you can brush past the others and make for the dude.
Never put sympathising on the long finger, get it out of the way at the key places, removal, funeral or burial. Otherwise it can lead to awkwardness and uncomfortable situations. Best to get it over with while the mourner is being bamboozled with handshakes from people they donât know and soaked in whiskey.
Very good tip mate. Something I may attempt in the future.
Another scenario Iâve been the victim of before at the funeral of a relative - being bear hugged by the grieving mother - a very awkward experience, you just donât prepare yourself for this kind of situation. I stood there in shock and told her I was really sorry for their loss but I did not make any attempt to hug her back, my hands were trapped in any case. Anybody have this happen to them before and how did you deal with it?
What an entrance. 
To my shame iâm very bad at attending funerals. I just detest all the grief that surrounds them and of course the awkwardness of what to say to people at them. Generally i only attend the funerals of relatives, friends, immediate family of close friends and near neighbours. If a work colleague was killed iâd go to it. I have been known not to attend the funerals of people that would live close enough to me, of close relatives of work colleagues and of in-laws family. It is to my awful shame and itâs not like i wouldnât feel remorse or indeed guilt about not going. I will often pull out of going to a funeral at the last minute, regret it immediately and drag my heels for a few days as a result. I would make no sort of politician thatâs for sure.
Regarding etiquette, there is some good advice offered here. I like to get in and get out as quickly as possible. I would never stop and tell someone how i knew the deceased. A good firm handshake with eye contact, frown and a âsorry for your lossâ is all that is needed. You have to be professional and mechanical about it i find. Another thing i do, not sure if others are the same, is if the wake is at the house instead of a funeral home i will avoid the house at all costs. In a funeral home there is a line and a conveyor belt of mourners, but in a house youâll often have to navigate about the place, going through a few rooms and people will loiter about for a while. In these cases iâll wait for the church to pass on my condolences.
+1
I used to find that some research in advance always helped, so be sure to ask your oul fella for a full run down of the names of the most important players in the bereaved family. In many cases in the past I used to walk into the home to find many family members knowing my name, but I hadnât a clue who they were, which is awkward. So ensure that you know in advance that Michael-John is PJâs older brother, but he lived in England for years and they didnât really speak and Bridie, while she was the youngest, was very much the boss of the family and you went to school with her second son, Noel, the one who was in trouble there a few years ago and subsequently wonât be attending the funeral.
Iâm amazed no one has asked the most important question - is it OK to chat up a bird at a funeral?
[quote=âFitzy, post: 594799â]
I used to find that some research in advance always helped, so be sure to ask your oul fella for a full run down of the names of the most important players in the bereaved family. In many cases in the past I used to walk into the home to find many family members knowing my name, but I hadnât a clue who they were, which is awkward. So ensure that you know in advance that Michael-John is PJâs older brother, but he lived in England for years and they didnât really speak and Bridie, while she was the youngest, was very much the boss of the family and you went to school with her second son, Noel, the one who was in trouble there a few years ago and subsequently wonât be attending the funeral.
Iâm amazed no one has asked the most important question - is it OK to chat up a bird at a funeral?[/quote]
well someone nearly always gets their hole
Why would you be going to anything outside that group. Donât feel one bit guilty for not going to the funeral of someone you donât know. i never do. The way i look at a funeral is, did the person dead want me to be there, and did i like them. If yes to both then off i go.
Cathloic Ireland. :rolleyes:
I thought you knew everyone?
Doesnât know how to spell catholic anyway. Iâve been at plenty of funerals where I may not have known the deceased, but have strong ties with the someone close to the deceased.
Getting back on topic, the double handshake is a good one, would you be clasping the hand in both hands while doing it? I tend to adopt the right hand handshake, left hand on the shoulder firmly tied in with a firm eye contact. This can on occasion leave one open to the bearhug, but I find that a small price to pay when one is known to the grieving person (this manoeuvre is solely for those that you know, a variation thereof can be used for lesser know grievers but is swifter and leaves less chance for the bearhug).
I donât mind popping into wakes in houses, but tend to give funeral homes a miss, I donât like the sterile nature of them. Iâll almost always go to the Church in those circumstances and I agree with the poster that spoke about placement at an evening part, its key if youâre hoping to get in and out.
Great chance to practise thus weekend with Garretâs body in the Mansion House and the family accepting public sympathies.
Iâve had a bit of recent experience on this front lately, both on the receiving side and the giving side. Giving the sympathy seemed natural as I know all the family well, so there was the âsorry for your lossâ line accompanied by the handshake that turns into an embrace with the left arm for added effect. Note that its important to keep the handshake locked, so as to keep the embrace from getting too close.
On the receiving side, I noticed that the closer people are to you, the longer they look you in the eye. Close friends will hold the look longer than say, a friend of the wife. The handshake will be just as hardy, but the eyes will go from yours to the handshake almost as soon as contact is made. It seemed respectful to me, almost as if they didnât want to intrude on your grief too much.
I would advise anyone roped into saying a decade of the rosary to brush up on it beforehand. I forgot the words to the âHail Maryâ half way through it and had to be prompted like an actor whoâd forgotten his lines. I wouldnât mind only Iâd said the first two fine, it was only the 3rd one I messed up on. 4 through 10 went perfectly as well.
Great point Rocko.
An ideal practice ground on a number of fronts. Maybe you could form a delegation from TFK, and then afterwards critique each others style and offer hints or suggestions on how one might improve for the next time. The fact a number of politicians will also be present will present a wonderful opportunity to watch real pros at work.
Its also customary in Kinvara to hang around outside for 15 minutes or so and offer heartening anecdotes of the life of the deceased even though he might have been a proper cunt.
If the hypocrisy gets too much Iâll walk away.
SS**, sounds like there is someone close to you lost someone and you havenât managed to offer your sympathy yet⌠best to leave it now I would think. Theyâll hold it against you but what can be done.
I see a lot of you seem to prefer the sorry for your loss. I was thought sorry for your trouble. Is this somewhat old fashioned now?
What about wake etiquette, itâs not so bad if itâs an older person bur they can be terrible awkward and sad if itâs a young person.
Of course there are always the few lads ââleaningââ against the wall saying ââbig funeralââ
Kinvara people are known around here for great hospitality and feeding at funerals