Does anyone else get conflicted about offering condolences when you see someone about 4/5 weeks after a loss? I never know if itās best to let sleeping dogs nap and all that having never really suffered a major loss myselfā¦ I do be thinking the person is just coming around and they donāt need my gomey head coming at them with condolencesā¦ Anyway, I just did it there with princessās friend, who had a bereavement to suicide about a month back and it was the first time I had seen herā¦ Her eyes welled up instantly and thank Fuck Brady started making a commotion and distracted everyoneā¦ Another friend of Herselfās suffered a loss to suicide 18 months back and in a repeat scenario of not seeing her for a while I kept my counsel when I eventually did and felt bad about itā¦ So I said Iād just do it this timeā¦
Iāve run away upstairs now to let them at it and I know it will be a deep chat , possibly tearsā¦ But she arrived on with two packs of chocolate cookies and Iād love to tear into half a pack.
Life is tough. Be kind.
Nowt wrong with that imo. I had similar condolences passed onto me at a similar time & it didnāt bother me tbh.
The only time I got emotional was when meeting an old family friend who missed funeral.
Herself was on about this the other day actually and how it will completely vary depending on the person in question, and itās luck of the draw getting it right. Some people donāt want the reminder and youāll only set them off like in your account above. In other cases people will genuinely appreciate the thought and the chance to talk about it. One of her pals actually got irritated at people not offering condolences to her on a recent bereavement, which I thought was a bit off. In short, itās a minefield, and there are all sorts.
Id always say it regardless. A girl in work returned to the office recently after her father passed. I got chatting to her in the kitchen and she welled up for a bit but then got a chance to tell a few harmless old tales sheād heard for the first time about her dad at the funeral.
No harm in it at all.
Those guilt trippers about deaths/funerals and how they think people should react are bad news.
If you were at the funeral its ok to try to gloss over it
I wasntā¦
Had to say something soā¦always easier go to the funeral
Bastards, absolute bastards. I was in a funeral home in Longford there after Christmas at the removal of a school colleague and sought a solitary minute of his wifeās time to express my sympathies.
Fuck me if Kathy the Keener didnāt grab a hoult of her ahead of me and proceed with her life-story. I though she was looking for a peep at his will or something such was her delay.
Becoming a little exasperated I hopped past Kathy to a son, brief interaction before launching a reverse attack on the Keener. I spotted her look of shock but the widow quickly grasped her chance and lurched from one disaster to the next (me).
I gabbled my sympathies and she thanked me profusely for my presence but more importantly for removing āthat boring oulā bitchā from her company.
On bereavement, it is always always better to say something rather nothing.
Id always shake there hand and offer my condolences but dont dwell on it unless i knew them well.
Iād definitely say something. I think its appreciated.
Never read this thread before. Deep, and has reminded me ive left all my good funeral jumpers in galway.
I remember a huge fight one night out when i was late teens, two lads killing each other when one thought the other hadnāt gone to his motherās funeral, the other insisted he had. Crazy stuff.
Itās not really the time nor place to mention that the deceased owed you for grass/ fertiliser /baling or other agri-matters.
That conversation would be brought up the next time
In the pub after the funeral is the optimum time. A rattle for ā¬1k is an easier pill swallowed than a stab for ā¬5/6k from the undertaker. But youāll be the best judge yourself.
Thatās a top top post.
Is there some etiquette about not bring kids to wakes? Have to go to one this evening but will have the wee man with me, not leaving him alone in the car. I brought him before but was told after it was a no no although they were all happy to see him at it.
Sure it wont bother the dead person.
Be grand. Donāt overthink it
How old is he?