Game Ten - versus Vasco Da Wood

An elite seven have been chosen to take on Vasco Da Wood tonight. In an effort to improve dressing room morale I’m picking the matchday squad early so those who aren’t involved don’t need to sit on the team bus and in the dressing room only to find out an hour before kick off that they’ll be watching from the stands. That said I expect both Jugs and Farmer to attend the game regardless, just no need to bring any gear.

Full squad:




Ruthless Strikers:

The very best of luck to Vasco Da Wood but they don’t have a prayer against that 7.

Please collect myself and Bandage.

Please collect myself and Clarkey.

Please don’t make us walk up the cobbled road. Please drive down to Pearse Street.

Yeah, anyway, hmmm, so we fucking lost again.

2-1 again.

Our goalkeeper Bandage made a terrible error for their second goal. The fool.

Ah for fuck sake. Rocko pulled one back but we should have scored more goals and conceded less.

Our title is slipping away.

Ah Jesus.

Were we in the graveyard again as a matter of interest?

We were indeed. Post game. Because bandage made an error for one goal I think it’s fair to say we were all brutal tonight.

Monkey Allen reading this thread the gloating bastard!

I’ll not be revealing what was said in the dressing room afterwards but there were some harsh words exchanged and rightly so. I will be taking corrective steps immediately to address the problem areas (all of them) and to maximise getting the most from the limited resources at my disposal.

The above post does not appear to make sense.

I’ve received a massive volume of faxes and telegrams over the last few weeks requesting that I return to the squad. Whilst I’d never say never I will not be returning to the squad in the near future. I think the current squad has enough quality to win the league and I wish them all the best with the rest of the season.



Yeah fucked up a bit there with my poor typing skills on my phone. I’ll just let it pass.

The contrast in your attitude versus Monkey’s is astonishing. Another show of support from a Hall of Famer while Monkey sniggers and runs away.

Thanks Brian. I’ll be reminding the players of your sacrifices before next week’s games.

Rocko, BT, could we arrange for BT to give us a pep talk via Skype or something?

It looks like you are missing the player who scored in every game they played last season, but was ruthlessly cast aside by the manager and often ridiculed by team mates.

Without this skillful scorer and creator of chances the team will keep regressing. So Rocko admit you were wrong and beg Appendage to make a return.

You may be a shit footballer Monkey but that’s quite witty. I’ll never forget the ineptitude of Appendage last season - I think it’s a safe bet to say that was his first ever time on a sporting field.