Gameweek Ten - versus Turtle Heads

Following the franchise’s recent disastrous run of form and the embarrassing draw with Jean Claude Van GAM (which ended any dreams of a perfect season), I have decided to fly back to Ireland at short notice and assist Rocko with team selection and tactical insight. For the period from 5/31/2012 through 6/4/2012 we will officially be co-managers.

Rocko’s position will be reviewed in full at the next board meeting.

I will name the squad tomorrow.

I’m disappointed with Tinnion’s attitude here. We don’t generally have these squabbles in public.

Regrettably I can confirm that our Commercial Director has indeed been summonsed to TFK HQ but the reasons are for off-field performance and nothing else. The situation last week when we were forced to play in an emergency change strip was unacceptable and reflected very poorly on Tinnion’s time in charge of TFK merchandising. While I’m delighted with the retail opportunities he has opened up for TFK, particularly in the exclusive South West Wexford and Manhattan markets, we need to make sure the team are resourced appropriately to deal with simple kit clashes.

I don’t want to go down the Kenny Dalglish route of managing the team and presiding over kit deals, but if I have to do so I will reluctantly assume both roles. I won’t pre-judge the outcome of my meeting with Mr Tinnion though and remain hopeful that an amicable and progressive solution can be found for TFK AFC.

Squad as follows:

Bandage (capt.)

A feast of goals for the faithful tonight. TFK ran out hugely impressive 10-1 winners in a game that was still in the balance at half time.

After kick off the game panned out as most games this season with TFK strolling around looking like champions who’ve won it all before with nothing left to prove. A couple of half-chances at either end were beaten away by the goalkeepers (there was no Cesc4 to stop our shots tonight) and it took a moment of stunning precision from Rocko to prise open the deadlock with a terrific goal on 20 minutes.

Picking the ball up on the left channel midway inside the opposition half, Rocko advanced menacingly before checking back onto his slightly-favoured right side before delivering a charming ball of astonishing beauty that took the goalkeeper out of the game and required Scrunchie to apply only the most rudimentary of finishes as he nodded home for the lead.

As if that wasn’t enough the second goal came courtesy of Rocko too. This time a surging run from his screening role in front of the defence, ended with a wicked pass to Scrunchie and again the most rural of Wexfordians couldn’t help but finish astutely.

Scrunchie added a third just before the break, this time Jugs was the provider. Marauding out of defence like a Limousin cow over on that weird thread on the main board, Jugs engaged the last defender before ridiculously underplaying the pass to Scrunchie who finished haplessly nonetheless.

The half time flattered TFK slightly, certainly it flattered Clarkeycat who had been abysmal in the opening 45, but all change when Rocko spoke stirringly of the great Pete Rose in an eloquent address to the troops at the interval. This had the desired affect as TFK started the second half like a train and never relented as Scrunchie, Monkey, Jugs and Clarkey all fired home in varying quantities and styles to send the Turtles crawling back to their sewers.

Clarkey in that second period was as majestic as he had been miserable in the first. “Rocko-esque” I heard mention of in the press box though it’s a bit soon to be drawing such lofty comparisons. Smelly, Fats and even KC all failed to live up to that billing when proclaimed as the next great thing. Let’s just enjoy Clarkey’s form on its own merits for now.

The Turtle goal came midway through that blizzard and arrived after a raking through ball from Bandage was misread completely by Jugs who failed to react to the ball and allowed the opposition striker to bear down on goal unchecked. He finished with aplomb, rifling in off the crossbar to gain some consolation for the paltry travelling support who had long since lost their voices.

The evening might have been marred by an unhelpful Garda checkpoint on Rocko’s route home but the oddly compliant Garda was happy to listen to Rocko’s tale about the car being off the road for 3 years as justification for the multitude of expired dicsc on display on the windshield. Never hurts to have a TFK jersey on the back seat in view of the law.

Did the Garda actually let you off because he couldn’t listen to you going on and on about your assist for the first? (it was sublime though).

No mention in the Match report of a missed sitter from a yard out?

There wasn’t space for everything in the article Monkey. I think that’s a balanced and fair assessment of the main talking points of the game.

In fairness, Rocko’s modesty prevents him from saying what an influence he had on this game.

My work here is done.

Sorry for cursing at you after the game Gaffer. I was frustrated by my first half showing and grumpy too.