Thatâs what happens when you eat grassâŚ
1 Like
Did you have a trowel with you to pack it tight to avoid air bubbles?
The brigade had to be called.
1 Like
I had one of those pre shit farts in the car yesterday and parked it up. I did open the window to freshen things up. I parked up, went about my business and when I cam back to the car, it smelled like someone had left a dirty nappy in the backseat. I sniffed like you would a fine vintage bordeaux.
8 Likes
I was just thinking of my earliest memories there, and one is of me wiping my arse with my hand.
I went through a stage where Iâd go for a shit and just pull my pants up so I always had shit stained jocks. I canât remember the changeover when I started cleaning my arse properly. Probably when I started in UL.
12 Likes
Put a lump of shit in the post today.
Thatâs Bowelscreen for you.
2 Likes
Is this officially shitposting?
7 Likes
In the poo-st box.
1 Like
Hope you put a right stamp on it
1 Like
Result came back clear. 
20 Likes
Unlike the envelope.
Huzzah on the results!
He never clarified whoâs shite he put in the envelope.
Wasnât far off touching cloth on Friday. Parked up in a hotel car park and waddled over to the hotel. Had the two kids in tow. When in that state, all energy is focused on one thing, not shitting yourself. They were asking âwhy are we hereâ and âwhere are we goingâ. I didnât answer as I thought my walk was explanation enough.
Got to the entrance. Two sets of non automatic doors. Of course an elderly couple were leaving the hotel, one poor dear with a stroller. I hadnât time for pleasantries and couldnât gamble on holding the door for them so tried to hurry through. My eldest has been well trained though and had held the first set open to let them out. The elderly couple were thanking and complimenting him as I was smiling painfully but secretly wishing theyâd just hurry the fuck up.
We got through and i told the kids to sit in reception. It was busy and they asked where they should sit and I gasped âanywhereâ and they were asking after me âwhere are you goingâ. I made it to a thankfully deserted restroom and Iâd say it was at least a 10 to 15 minute retreat. On my return the kids were wandering around. My 5 year old girl, who can be quite loud, asked why i was so long in the toilet. I ushered them out of the hotel trying to shush her and when outside asked how she knew I was in the bog. Seems they spent the time figuring it out. She kept probing why it took so long. I eventually told her she was an annoying little madam and Daddy needed some time alone.
21 Likes
Walk home should learn her.
If I ever have kids, I will send them an email informing them that it is standard practice in Daddyâs morning, or whichever time he decides to brave humanity, that his bowels like to do a Riverdance of sorts somewhere inbetween when the Moka Pot gets heat to itâs arse, and the half hour following the consumption of itâs contentsâŚand that this makes Daddy, and indeed his perspective of the the world a much more pleasant state.
4 Likes
When ye finish a good shite, would ye rub the hands and give a âaaaaahhhâ afterwards?
1 Like
Itâs all about the point of delivery
1 Like