Leaving Email

1

This is an actual leaving email written by a lad in a Big Four accountancy firm (not the one I work for). Some of you may have seen it before

My leaving letter:
Dear Co-Workers,

As many of you probably know, tommorw is my last day. But before I
leave, I wanted to take this opportunity to let you know what a great
and distinct pleasure it has been to type “Tommorow is my last day.”

For nearly as long as I’ve worked here, I’ve hoped that I might one
day leave this company. And now that this dream has become a reality,
please know that I could not have reached this goal without your
unending lack of support. Words cannot express my gratitude for the
words of gratitude you did not express.

I would especially like to thank all of my managers: in an age where
miscommunication is all too common, you consistently impressed and
inspired me with the sheer magnitude of your misinformation. It takes a
strong man to admit his mistake - it takes a stronger man to attribute
his mistake to me.

Over the year and a half, you have taught me more than I could ever
ask for and, in most cases, ever did ask for. I have been fortunate

enough to work with some absolutely interchangeable supervisors on a
wide variety of seemingly identical projects - an invaluable lesson in
overcoming daily tedium in overcoming daily tedium in overcoming daily
tedium.

Your demands were high and your patience short, but I take great
solace knowing that my work was, as stated on my annual review, “mostly
satisfactory.” That is the type of praise that sends a man home happy
after even a 10 hour day, smiling his way through half a bottle of
mostly satisfactory scotch.

And to most of my peers: even though we barely acknowledged each other
within these office walls, I hope that in the future, should we pass on
the street, you will regard me the same way as I regard you:
sans eye contact.

But to those few souls with whom I’ve actually interacted, here are my
personalized notes of farewell:

To Caulfield: I will always remember sharing lunch with you, despite
having clearly labeled it with my name.

To Mairead: I will miss detecting your flatulence as much as you will
clearly miss walking past my cubicle to deliver it.

To Linda: Best wishes on your ongoing campaign to popularize these
“email forwards.” I sincerely hope you receive that weekend full of
good luck, that hug from an old friend, and that baby for your dusty
womb.

And finally, to Kat: you were right - I tested positive. We’ll talk
later.

So, in parting, if I could pass on any word of advice to the
individual who will soon be filling my position, it would be to cherish
this experience like a sponge and soak it up like a good woman, because
a job opportunity like this comes along only once in a lifetime.

Meaning: if I had to work here again in this lifetime, I would sooner
kill myself.

Very truly yours,

PS: I will be throwing myself a happy hour farewell party at the Oden
5.30 tommorow evening if anybody is interested in drinks!

2

To which he issued the following apology:

Hi Guys

Last Thursday I sent out a going away email. It was meant to be a joke
email but I now realise that it has caused offence / upset and has been
passed on to a wider audience than the intended recipients. The text
was something I pulled off the Internet.

I apologise for any offence that I have caused. I regret that the
email could adversely impact on the reputation / good name of (the company)
and my former colleagues. I wish to emphasis that none of the
comments were meant to be taken seriously. I hold (the company) and my
former colleagues in the highest regard.

If you have passed on the original email or shown it to anyone outside
of the recipient list can you please also pass on this apology and
refrain from futher forwarding of the mail.

Regards

3

What a climb-down. If you’re going to have the balls to do that then at least have the courage to stand over it.

4

blakey probably thinks he’s being sarcastic http://www.thefreekick.com/board/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif

5

Good lad - why don’t you answer my points in the other thread instead of throwing random comments in here

6

because i dont argue with the uneducated, and as we have established I have more letters after my name than you

7

This is from the Irish Independent website if you don’t mind

Joke falls flat after accountant signs off with a howler

A CONSULTANT with one of Ireland’s leading accountancy firms has issued a grovelling apology after writing a joke email that went wrong.

Cian Kelliher, who worked for Ernst and Young in Dublin, rowed back quickly after realising that his ‘insulting’ email to colleagues had escaped the confines of the office and was being forwarded all over the world.

In the original mail, written just a day before he left his position, Mr Kelliher takes a tongue-in-cheek swipe at his colleagues, including flatulent co-workers.

“It takes a strong man to admit his mistake - it takes a stronger man to attribute his mistake to me,” he tells some.

“I have been fortunate enough to work with some absolutely interchangeable [people] on a wide variety of seemingly identical projects - an invaluable lesson in overcoming daily tedium in overcoming daily tedium in overcoming daily tedium,” he adds.

He then claims that most of his co-workers at the firm barely acknowledged him and he hopes they continue to do just that if he happens to meet them on the street.

But he saves his best - and funniest - jibes for a number of named colleagues.

“I will always remember sharing lunch with you, despite having clearly labelled it with my name,” he tells one.

“I will miss detecting your flatulence as much as you will clearly miss walking past my cubicle to deliver it,” he tells another.

"Best wishes on your ongoing campaign to popularise these ‘email forwards’. I sincerely hope you receive that weekend full of good luck, that hug from an old friend, and that baby for your dusty womb.

“And finally, to ***: you were right - I tested positive. We’ll talk later.”

He then invites his colleagues out to going-away drinks in a popular Dublin pub.

However, with the email fast achieving cult status, Mr Kelliher has since written another one apologising, asking everyone who forwarded the original email to also forward the apology.

He said the text had been pulled off the internet and was meant as a joke.

“I regret that the email could adversely impact on the reputation/good name of Ernst & Young and my former colleagues,” he says.

“I wish to emphasize that none of the comments were meant to be taken seriously. I hold Ernst & Young and my former colleagues in the highest regard.”

Ernst and Young said yesterday that Mr Kelliher had apologised. “Ernst and Young considers the matter to be closed,” the spokesman said. Mr Kelliher left the firm on January 26.

8

they should sack the fooker

9

Typical of the Irish Independent. It’s a funny email to be forwarded on but that’s what passes for journalism in that paper. Making out that he wrote all that stuff about his colleagues himself - pathetic bastards.

10

Did it not say further down the article that ‘‘He said the text had been pulled off the internet and was meant as a joke’’ How does that make out that he wrote all the stuff about his colleagues himself?

11

They only add that after the fact when people have lost interest. Common media tactics to get the message you want at the top of the article and address the points you don’t want to at the end. That way if the piece gets edited for length your side of the story stays and the arguments you’re not interested in get cut.

They refer to “co-workers” “named colleagues” and even blank out the names as though they were protecting real identities. Why did they do this if they knew it was false? Because the joke wouldn’t work otherwise. All well and good but why is a newspaper printing a joke and dressing it up as a news story? Pathetic.