My friend the actor gets really upset when he has to go down the trapdoor at the moment.
It’s just a stage he’s going through.
11 Likes
Don’t ever buy a bonnie Tyler Sat nav. It keeps telling you to turn around and every now and then it falls apart.
The upholsterer was in a bad accident but he’s fully recovered now
2 Likes
I thought the flowers I bought my wife had died but when I got up this morning they were alive again. They must be reincarnations.
5 Likes
For the day that’s in it.
I’ve got my sitcom boxes on a bookshelf in my room and my music magazines in the locker beside my bed. I like to keep my friends close and my NMEs closer.
6 Likes
Be careful buying second hand violins lads. It could be a fiddle.
3 Likes
Today is International Women’s Day. It was meant to be yesterday but they took longer than expected to get ready.
21 Likes
Spike Milligan sent a telegram to his paranoid friend Peter Sellers which read “Ignore first telegram”.
13 Likes
My therapist says I’m obsessed with vengeance.
We’ll see about that.
1 Like
I laughed at that.
We’re here to serve.
In possibly his greatest joke ever, Marty is broadcasting from the Pendulum Summit!
6 Likes
I’ll look out for him
1 Like
Comedy gold. “I’ll be chatting to the organiser of the event after the break” but didn’t name him. The organiser turned out to be Frankie Sheahan who claimed he was very nervous. Marty missed an open goal by not asking if he was collared for a drugs test.
1 Like
If I had a penny for every time I was asked to look after a dog I’d have a pound.
9 Likes
Happy birthday to FOTF Marty
1 Like
What do you call a denim-wearing Royal goat?
Billy Jean King
1 Like
I’m going to the rnli Christmas party. I hear they really push the boat out
4 Likes
I bought a real Christmas tree yesterday. The vendor asked me if I was going to put it up myself. I said no, I’d probably put it up in the living room
4 Likes
All with the phones out. The great Louis CKs joke about mobile phones at gigs sums up this carry on.