After a lengthy recruitment process I am delighted to announce the signing of Scrunchie to TFK AFC.
Scrunchie has long since caught the eye of our talent spotters Tinnion and Ledge but for financial and sponsorship reasons a deal was not possible in past seasons.
The income streams from the TFK App and a regrettable decision to sever the contracts of Croppy and Stevie have freed up resources to make this deal possible. I’d like to thank Scrunchie and his advisors for their co-operative attitude throughout the negotiation process and Monkey Allen deserves a mention for selling this great institution to the player.
While Croppy and Stevie will no longer be members of the first team squad both have been retained as backup options on derisory hunlike terms.
Today is all about Scrunchie however. The False 9 is such a rare talent in domestic football that we are delighted to secure the services of the South East’s most famous proponent. Another glorious new era beckons.
Scrunchie himself spoke to the club’s official website (www.thefreekick.com) earlier this evening and issued the following statement:
“All my career, no, all my life has been building up to this moment. From the first day I kicked a football, at the age of 27, I have had a burning desire to prove myself good enough to play for thefreekick.com. Obviously Croppy has left big shoes to fill, so instead I will use my own boots, they are a much better fit. I am now just looking forward to meeting up with the lads and doing what I was signed to do - make up the numbers.”
I would like to point out that the quote above was taken out of context. Monkey Allen has a reputation for this - seeking a headline in an otherwise mundane, bog-standard, cliche driven interview.
The real reason I have decided to join TFK AFC was because I was blown away by the whole recruitment process. From googling my name all the way up to the life changing text “You’re in if you want”. Now, I just can’t wait to meet my fellow team mates, the fans and to see the stadium. This truly is a dream come true.
Bout 9 pages. He has a lot of add-ons should he make the grade and there’s a lot in there about his image rights. Course you’d know all about that.