Not sure how entertaining the draw was on the telly but at least the Gaurdian minute by minute analysis helped to break the bordem. Read below from Bottom to Top, couldn’t be arsed re-arranging it for you. I’m sure Celtic fans are happy enough with the draw as would every team in pot 1 probably. Even though Chelsea and Barcelona are in the same group I don’t think it will cause either team to worry. Liverpool mightn’t be too happy to travel to Turkey. Enjoy below, some fooking funny comments.
DT
Champions League draw as it happened
It’s Uefa bingo. Eyes down …
Barry Glendenning
Thursday August 24, 2006
Guardian Unlimited
Eyes down for Uefa bingo
Group A: Barcelona, Chelsea, Werder Bremen, Levski Sofia.
Group B: Internazionale, Bayern Munich, Sporting Lisbon, Spartak Moscow.
Group C: Liverpool, PSV Eindhoven, Bordeaux, Galatasaray.
Group D: Valencia, Roma, Olympiakos, Shakhtar Donetsk.
Group E: Real Madrid, Lyon, Steaua Bucharest, Dynamo Kiev.
Group F: Manchester United, Celtic, Benfica, FC Copenhagen.
Group G: Arsenal, Porto, CSKA Moscow, FC Hamburg.
Group H: AC Milan, Lille, AEK Athens, Anderlecht.
17.57pm: “Gropup H is the easiest group I have ever seen in the history of the Champions League,” harrumphs Alex Green. “Even Sunderland would qualify from that group.” And on that bombshell, I’m off home. Or out for a pint. Anyone fancy one? Thanks for your time and your emails - a very good day to you all. That was worse than I thought it would be, but not as bad as I thought it could be.
17.53: So, that’s that then. Barcelonia get Chelsea and Manchester United get a stroll in the park - it’s business as usual at Uefa HQ. “Why don’t they just get rid of this stupid pool system altogether?” asks Tom Hine. “Every group bar Chelsea’s looks pretty easy for the jammy buggers in the VIP pot. It would be much more fun if one year we had a group with all four English teams. My, how we’d laugh.”
5.47pm: While Sammy Eto’o mixes it up in the fourth and - thank God! - final pot, there’s another blast of discopop over a montage starring the teams contained within said pot. My will to live may have left the building, but luckily for you all, I’m still here.
5.41pm: While you all chew over that, the suits in Monaco are going to present a shiny gong to the best forward of last year’s Champions League. Why show us the nominees? We know it’s going to Ronaldinho … or Samuel Eto’o … or Thierry Henry … or somebody else. And the winner is … Samuel Eto’o. "I see that the Pope’s O’Rangers and Queen’s Celtic have been kept apart again,"writes Ewan Benson. “It seems to happen every year for some reason.”
5.33pm: “Well I’m working until 8pm by which time they might have finished drawning Pot 3. For God’s sake, the FA Cup has more teams and it usually takes about 5mins to make the draw!” thunders Andy Brown. He’s right, you know. There’s a lot to be said for Sir Bert Millichip, Graham Kelly and their velvet bag of brown, numbered wooden balls.
5.30pm: So Barcelona get Chelsea, and Manchester United get their usual easy draw too. The Midfielder of the Tournament last season? Take it away, Deco! If nothing else he deserves every award going for his comedy hack on Johnny Heitinger in the World Cup.
5.23pm: “This is actually due to finish on TV at 6:30pm. Ouch! I’m off home,” writes James Foley. Bully for you, James - at least you have a choice.
5.20pm: Damn them! Before moving on to the next pot, they’re going to present an award to the Defender Of The Year. Even by the standards of Uefa, this is paddery at its best. Cue: more cheesy 1992 rave music, before Michael Laudrup presents the award to Carles Puyol. Pedro Pinto excels the Barcelona centre-half by blowing sunshine up his hole in two different languages. To the next pot of balls, and don’t spare the horses!
5.15pm: As there’s going to be no end of fannying around here, I’ll just slot the teams into the space at the top of the page when they eventually start trickling out. Jens Lehman gives the balls a stir - mind you don’t drop them, Jens.
5.09pm: Best goalkeeper: Jens Lehmann. But what’s this - he’s making for the pots of balls. Could it be that we won’t have to sit through 10 more lames acceptance speeches. It’s looking good - another middle-aged, bespectacled bald man in a suit is reading out the rules of the draw. It’s all very complicated, but the gist of it all is written down below.
5.07pm: More waffle from another middle-aged, bespectacled bald man in a suit. “If Manchester United, PSV Eindhoven, Steaua Bucharest, and Shakhtar Donetsk are drawn together, the combined number of letters making up the teams’ names will be the most ever in a Champions League first round group, I reckon,” writes Christopher Fleming. I can’t believe he hasn’t checked. Back in Monaco, over a very cheesy Europop beat, they’ve decided to do their awards from last season. Grrr!
5.05pm: “Carole Rouseeau should count her blessings,” writes Kevin Plummer. “Usually when things drop at Stevie G’s feet they end up being launched somewhere near row Z.” Honk!
5.03pm: Hrrah! Lennart Johansson takes to the stage, mumbles incoherently for a few minutes and introduces the draw. Except Pedro Pinto is having none of it - he wants us all to watch highlights of last season’s Champions League. Some of us have homes to go to, Pedro, you lantern-jawed, sleek-haired continental smoothie.
5pm: Presenters Pedro Pinto and Carole Rousseau take to the stage and get proceedings underway. Carole’s the lady who fainted before the Champions League final last season, while Steven Gerrard stood idly by about two feet away doing absolutely nothing.
5pm: I’ve just realised I have no idea how I’m going to do this. Ah sure, we’ll bumble through it and make it up as we go along. The fancy Champions League music is playing in a big hall in Monaco at the moment, so it won’t be long now.
4.56pm: “Being a driving instructor must be a bit like having William Gallas’s job,” says Seamus McDonnell. “Sat on your backside all day earning ?30k per year. Well, a bit like having Gallas’s job, minus ?3.61m, obviously.”
4.53pm: “Paul, where’s your money going … if you were a betting man?” asks tactful Sky presenter David Somethingorother of Paul Merson. “Usually down the drain,” chuckles the gambling addict who reckons he’s spunked away ?8m on betting over the years.
4.50pm: On Sky they’re looking at the worst case scenario for Chelsea. They reckon they couldn’t do worse than be grouped with Barcelona, Benfica and Dynamo Kiev. They then cut to their Manchester studio, where Lou Macari is seated on the chair in front of the venetian blind normally occupied by Frank Stapleton. He thinks the future is looking rosey for Manchester United, but says the Champions League is way “too big an ask” for Celtic.
4.49pm: “So do you get as many pointless emails during the Eurovision Football Contest draw as you did during the World Cup? And do you print them?” asks Aaron Farrell. I think the very presence of your email here answers both your questions, Aaron.
4.46pm: The camera pans on to David Dein, who has just arrived at Champions League Draw HQ. He chats briefly to a man that looks a bit like Fred Elliott from Coronotaion Street, I say he talks briefly to man who looks a bit like Fred Elliott from Coronation Street and then walks away. He obviously wants to get a seat near the front.
4.45pm: Why not become a driving instructor?" asks the advert on Sky Sports News. What … and miss all this?
4.42pm: “There’s no gimmes any more,” says Phil Thompson, before pointing out the quality of the teams in pot four. You could usually find a few deadbeats loitering in the fourth tier, but not any more, explains Phil, citing Galatasaray and Dynamo Kiev as examples of teams that certainly aren’t pushovers. He’s not wrong - I’d imagine that the likes of Barcelona and AC Milan are planking themselves at the prospect of having to face FC Copenhagen or the appalling Anderlecht.
4.39pm: Corrections and clarifications dept: I’ve just been told Di Stewart was not drinking in a pub in Richmond, she was drinking in a pub in Holborn. And she was wearing a funky hat. Sorry about that.
4.30pm: The tension is mounting. Well it isn’t, but with assorted Uefa suits wiping the last of the roast boar from their lips and assorted balls being removed from the fridge and oven respectively, there’s only half an hour to go before the participants in this year’s Champions League are sorted into their groups. So I have to try and big it up a bit.
In the Sky Sports studio, Paul Merson, Phil Thompson, and journalist Keir Radnedge are ready to throw in their two cents, while Lou Macari will be telling it like it is from a cupboard in Manchester. At the moment there’s not much going on - the delightful Di Stewart is going through the day’s headlines. Not very interesting story: one of Guardian Unlimited Football’s finest saw her in a pub in Richmond last Friday enjoying a few tipples.
Preamble: A load of old men in suits and four pots of balls - don’t say we don’t spoil you. Representatives of 32 clubs will have made the completely pointless trip to Monaco to sit through the draw for the group stages of the 2006/07 Champions League, comprised of the 16 sides who qualified automatically and the 16 who came through the third qualifying round this week. The ceremony will also include the Uefa Club Football Awards, details of which will be conspicuous by their absence from this report.
Pot 1
Barcelona, AC Milan, Real Madrid, Internazionale, Liverpool, Arsenal, Manchester United, Valencia.
Pot 2
Lyon, FC Porto, PSV Eindhoven, Bayern Munich, Chelsea, Roma, Celtic, Lille.
Pot 3
Sporting Lisbon, Benfica, Bordeaux, Steaua Bucharest, Werder Bremen, Olympiakos, CSKA Moscow, AEK Athens.
Pot 4
Anderlecht, Dynamo Kiev, Levski Sofia, Shakhtar Donetsk, Galatasaray, Hamburg, Spartak Moscow, FC Copenhagen.
Things you should know
Unlike Arsenal, Liverpool and Manchester United, who are in the VIP pot, Chelsea are in the second tier. As they can’t be drawn in the same group as a team from their own league, the odds against them facing Barcelona again are 4-1.
According to the Uefa website: “Where two sides from the same association have qualified, they have been paired to split their matches between Tuesday and Wednesday. In the case of associations with three representatives, only two teams have been paired in terms of their fixtures; in the case of associations with four representatives, two pairings have been made.” Confused? Me too.
Right so, see you back here at 4.55pm when the tension is bound to be unbearable.