Thatâs a good joke .
Yeah, they stamped out the smaller shopsâŚ
Why did Mary fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
Old and bad
Whatâs better than Ted Danson?
Ted singing and Danson!
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I need to buy a new thesaurus. The one I have is completely useless and utterly useless.
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A young man moved out from home and into a new apartment, all on his own, he went proudly down to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.
While there, a stunning young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing only a robe.
The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with him.
As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on.
The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.
After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, âLetâs go to my apartment, I hear someone coming.â
He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against
it, allowing her robe to fall off completely.
Now nude, she purred at him, âWhat would you say is my best feature?â
Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, âItâs has to be your ears.â
Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, âMy ears?
Look at these breasts; they are a full 38 inches and 100% natural.
I work out every day and my ass is firm and solid.
I have a 28 inch waist.
Look at my skin - not a blemish anywhere.
How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?â
Clearing his throat, he stammered⌠âOutside, when you said you heard someone coming⌠That was me.â
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Not so much a joke - more a story.
An eight year old Brendan Behan and his mother were walking home one day. They were stopped by a lady who remarked to Mrs Behan on the âspecialâ looking nature of her son.
âHow dare you?!!â said Mrs Behan. âMy son isnât handicapped - heâs just drunk!!â
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And youâre only in Cork 5 minutes. 
Dyslexic man walks into a bra
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If I ever have such experiences in Cork, Iâll be sure to tell the forum 
I bought a dog from a blacksmith today, as soon as I got home he made a bolt for the door.
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Two nuns are cycling down the street on a tandem bicycle. The nun on the back says âIâve never come this way beforeâ. The other nun goes âMust be the cobblestonesâ.
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Pope Francis was stopped by a woman in the Pheonix Park over the weekendâŚ
She begged him to help with her 19 year old sonâs hearing. He looked at the young man and walked towards him. He placed both hands over his ears, closed his eyes and said a beautiful prayer. The pope took his hands off the lads ears and smiled âhowâs your hearing now my son? " The lad replied " I havenât a fuckin clue, Im not in court til Wednesdayâ
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A bit rude this one.
This guy walks into a bar with a crocodile. The owner asks him to leave but the guy tells him that the crocodile can do an amazing trick.
âPut your lad there into the crocodileâs mouthâ. The owner does so. The guy proceeds to wallop the crocodile on the back of the head with a lump of timber and the crocodile ends up doing a sucking motion.
âThatâs amazingâ says the owner. âDo we have any volunteers to try that again? Anyone who does will have free drink for the nightâ
An old woman put her hand up.
âIâll do it - but you better not wallop me over the head like you did with that crocodile!â
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Bunny Carr passed away this weekend (RIP). My Mother, who is in her 80âs, was recalling a show he had on the telly where he would be interviewing young kids. This lad was on telling Bunny how he lived on a farm, and had a horse as a pet. Unfortunately the horse fell down a big hole at the end of the farm, and despite their best efforts they couldnât retrieve him. So they called for the vet, and there was no option but to put the horse down with a âhumane killerâ (i.e. gun). âSo they shot the horse in the hole?â says bunny. âNo, in the headâ replied the youngster.
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I copied and pasted it. It made me laugh.