Terrible Joke Thread


#121

That’s a good joke .


#122

Yeah, they stamped out the smaller shops…


#123

Why did Mary fall off the swing?

Because she had no arms.


#124

Old and bad


#125

What’s better than Ted Danson?
Ted singing and Danson!


#126

I need to buy a new thesaurus. The one I have is completely useless and utterly useless.


#127

A young man moved out from home and into a new apartment, all on his own, he went proudly down to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.
While there, a stunning young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing only a robe.
The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with him.
As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on.
The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.
After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, “Let’s go to my apartment, I hear someone coming.”
He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against
it, allowing her robe to fall off completely.
Now nude, she purred at him, “What would you say is my best feature?”
Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, “It’s has to be your ears.”
Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, “My ears?
Look at these breasts; they are a full 38 inches and 100% natural.
I work out every day and my ass is firm and solid.
I have a 28 inch waist.
Look at my skin - not a blemish anywhere.
How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?”
Clearing his throat, he stammered… “Outside, when you said you heard someone coming… That was me.”


#128

Not so much a joke - more a story.

An eight year old Brendan Behan and his mother were walking home one day. They were stopped by a lady who remarked to Mrs Behan on the ‘special’ looking nature of her son.

‘How dare you?!!’ said Mrs Behan. ‘My son isn’t handicapped - he’s just drunk!!’


#129

And you’re only in Cork 5 minutes. :+1:


#130

Dyslexic man walks into a bra


#131

If I ever have such experiences in Cork, I’ll be sure to tell the forum :ok_hand:


#132

I bought a dog from a blacksmith today, as soon as I got home he made a bolt for the door.


#133

Two nuns are cycling down the street on a tandem bicycle. The nun on the back says “I’ve never come this way before”. The other nun goes “Must be the cobblestones”.


#134

cc @Fagan_ODowd


#135

Pope Francis was stopped by a woman in the Pheonix Park over the weekend…

She begged him to help with her 19 year old son’s hearing. He looked at the young man and walked towards him. He placed both hands over his ears, closed his eyes and said a beautiful prayer. The pope took his hands off the lads ears and smiled “how’s your hearing now my son? " The lad replied " I haven’t a fuckin clue, Im not in court til Wednesday”


#136

A bit rude this one.

This guy walks into a bar with a crocodile. The owner asks him to leave but the guy tells him that the crocodile can do an amazing trick.

‘Put your lad there into the crocodile’s mouth’. The owner does so. The guy proceeds to wallop the crocodile on the back of the head with a lump of timber and the crocodile ends up doing a sucking motion.

‘That’s amazing’ says the owner. ‘Do we have any volunteers to try that again? Anyone who does will have free drink for the night’

An old woman put her hand up.

‘I’ll do it - but you better not wallop me over the head like you did with that crocodile!’


#137


#138

Bunny Carr passed away this weekend (RIP). My Mother, who is in her 80’s, was recalling a show he had on the telly where he would be interviewing young kids. This lad was on telling Bunny how he lived on a farm, and had a horse as a pet. Unfortunately the horse fell down a big hole at the end of the farm, and despite their best efforts they couldn’t retrieve him. So they called for the vet, and there was no option but to put the horse down with a ‘humane killer’ (i.e. gun). “So they shot the horse in the hole?” says bunny. “No, in the head” replied the youngster.


#139

It was school around the corner flatty.


#140

I copied and pasted it. It made me laugh.