Terrible Joke Thread


I’d say there was a hell of a smell out of that ass* hole.

  • horse.




An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman were playing a round of golf. They got to the third tee and were delayed by people still playing the hole.
The Scotsman lost his patience, “What’s going on? We’ve been here at least 20 minutes!”
The Irishman nodded in agreement.
The Englishman saw the green keeper walking by and shouted to him, "How come that group ahead of us are so slow?”
The green keeper replied, "Oh, they’re all blind firemen. They all lost their sight pulling school children out of a burning building, so they can play anytime for free.”
Everyone was silent for a few seconds.
The Irishman finally said, “Oh dear. I’ll be sure to pray for them. Well done on such charitable work good fellow.”
The Englishman added, “Yes, well done to you. I’ll make sure to get a whip round organised.”
The Scotsman, arms folded, tapping his feet said, "Why can’t the fuckers play at night if they’re blind?”




Doc: I’ve good news and bad news
Patient: Give me the good news first Doc
Doc: We’re naming a disease after you


Last of the box of crackers?


We got one in a cracker
A man goes into the doctor with a mince pie stuck in his bum hole.
“I’ve got some cream for that”

My young lad nearly choked.



What key opens a banana?

A monkey


John O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me Life, between the legs of me wife !”

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night !

He went home and told his wife, Mary, “I won the prize for the Best toast of The night.”

She said, “Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?”
John said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.”

“Oh, that is very nice indeed, John !” Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John 's drinking buddies on the street Corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, " John won the prize the other night at The pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he’s only been in there twice in the last four years. “Once I had to pull him by the ears to make him come, and the other time he fell asleep”.


Few good ones in this


The appropriate thread for this effort. Woeful pair of bollixes hee-hawing at beyond shite …


What do you call an Italian junkie?

Giovanni Change


Never use “beefstew” as a password.

It’s not stroganoff


How much does a Cockney pay for shampoo?



A Noel V Ginnitty special

Fellow goes into a bar and says I’ll have five brandies, two whiskies and two pints of Guinness.

Barman pours them and lines them up on the counter.

Fellow says You know I shouldn’t be drinking all this with what I’ve got.

Barman says Why what have you got.

Fellow says 50 cent.


The Hayes hotel special


He’s here all week