Minor funny incident on the way to Edinburgh yesterday. Myself and Bandage boarded the aircraft and I presented my boarding pass for inspection. The air hostess noted that we were to be seated at the rear of the aircraft and mentioned something about a wheelchair passenger sitting in the aisle and asked us to stand aside for a moment and motioned towards the little gangway up to the cockpit. (The reality is that she probably took a look at Bandageās bulk and reasoned that weād have to rearrange the seats a bit to accommodate the portly fellow).
So we stood at the door to the cockpit which was open and the captain turned around and said in a little twerpy voice - āYou canāt come in here lads.ā I thought he was joking about us flying the plane so just stayed in the door to the cockpit and then he said āno, no seriously lads you canāt be that near usā and he looked fucking panic sticken. The little shit of a man had become frightened at the fact that we were standing near the cockpit and that we hadnāt retreated when asked. Explained to him that the air hostess asked us to stand there and she confirmed our story and he finally calmed the fuck down. It was hilarious to see him get frightened though. We didnāt really look like terrorists or anything.
Initially I thought he was having a little bit of banter with us in a kind of āJesus lads, are you going to come in and fly the plane?ā kind of way before I realised the little weed - think of a man whoād need to stand on a step ladder and lean upwards to give Farmer a blow job - was actually afraid. I should have used my ample stomach excess to give him a belly-to-belly suplex. His name was Barney Lynch too, which made me laugh.
Iām not having this. You have been assumed to be Turkish* by Turks more than once and also entered a āwho looks more Turkish contestā with Piss Hands(who won is still under dispute, I believe). Your sallow complexion and slight awkwardness in public situations would leave you looking exactly like a lurking maybe terrorist. Putting this with you and Bandageās recent flight troubles(nearly being refused permission to board an aircraft), I would be worried had a pilot not checked.
*Juhniallio insists that all turks are not terrorists(although there has been trouble in recent years in that country regarding anti-western terrorism), just that the prevailing attitude in western society is that a terrorist these days is probably a bit muslimy/arabic etc.
**Juhniallio loves Kebabs.
This probably happened but can you remind me of the incident please as I canāt recall it?
Speaking of the global terror threat and your point on those behind such attacks as being a bit muslimy, there was an arrest in Bristol today and the army and / or police carried out a controlled explosion on a device in yer manās house. Thereās some cracking quotes on Sky News where a retired neighbour assumes itās āthe Muslim young chap from down the roadā that beenās arrested. She often saw him walking down the road with a satchel and wondered if he was a student apparently.
[quote=āBandageā]This probably happened but can you remind me of the incident please as I canāt recall it?
Speaking of the global terror threat and your point on those behind such attacks as being a bit muslimy, there was an arrest in Bristol today and the army and / or police carried out a controlled explosion on a device in yer manās house. Thereās some cracking quotes on Sky News where a retired neighbour assumes itās āthe Muslim young chap from down the roadā that beenās arrested. She often saw him walking down the road with a satchel and wondered if he was a student apparently.[/quote]
My post was misleading. In perfect vernacular it would have read āyizar recent flight troublesā.
Didnāt ye get pulled out of a queue for a flight with Southampton-Celtic-give-me-back my-photos-man?
[quote=āJuhniallioā]My post was misleading. In perfect vernacular it would have read āyizar recent flight troublesā.
Didnāt ye get pulled out of a queue for a flight with Southampton-Celtic-give-me-back my-photos-man?[/quote]
Ah yes, Heathrow last season before going onwards to Milan and Rocko and I are accosted by a randomer who introduces himself to us as Celtic Mike. Tells us heās from Southampton himself but his people are from Clare. Not even a minute after the initial hello heās taken out a little photo album of himself at various Celtic occasions in the past. āHereās one of me in my house the day of the 1989 Cup Finalā etc etc. It was only when we spoke later we realised how fooking odd it was to bring such photos with you to show other randomers. Then he hands over the photos for us to browse in more detail while he goes for a piss and comes back and accuses us of stealing one of him lifting up an inflatable European Cup in the Timland shop in Glasgow. Then quickly apologises when he notices it on the ground!
So we wander further down to our gate and the 3 of us sit down and are joined by 2 Scottish lads, 1 of whom is outrageously drunk from the night before. The lesser drunk lad says he might have spare tickets once we get to Milan and Celtic Mike gets giddy and says he needs one and tells your man to put his number in his phone as Celtic Mike. The other lad says his name is Billy so Celtic Mike says āThatās funny - Celtic Mike and Billy The Celtā and Iām sitting there thinking, āWhat the fook.ā Then Celtic Mike takes out a plastic cover with a load of sheets in it and says his wife has prepared a trip itinerary for him and tells us we should look at it as it could be very useful. So I start reading it and it says stuff like āTaxis and buses and trains all available from airport to city centre - taxis probably dearer.ā Fooking hell.
The the really drunk chap starts singing āMichael Fagan, Michael Fagan, Michael Fagan shagged the queen.ā Some auld wan went and complained about his vulgarity and next thing these officials come up and confiscate all our passports. Celtic Mike jumps up and starts whingeing and pleading and saying he didnāt do anything wrong and Rocko and I are just sitting there holding back laughter. In fairness to the 2 Scots, yer ladās mate said the 3 of us had nothing to do with it and so we get our passports back and Celtic Mike leans in and tells us too much drink is never a good thing. The 2 lads are brought off to a room to sober up for a while and then they appear last on the flight just as itās about to take off. I never did see Celtic Mike since that day.
Iād pick a small bone with that story if I may Bandage. My recollection is that when the officials came up they approached the two drunks first of all and took their passports and because we were beside them they took our passports too. We obviously knew yer man was in trouble but we hadnāt been drinking yet so we were fine. Then of course the officials asked if anyone else was travelling with the two lads and Celtic Mike volunteered himself on the dubious grounds that he was trying to buy a ticket off them and was also trying to be our mate. Thatās when they took his passport and thatās when he looked like he wanted to cry.
Fair enough point on the terrorist look Bandage - Iāll concede a mild Turkish appearance and a shifty nature. But Barney completely shat himself. Iād expect a bit more from a pilot in the event of an actual threat. Also the fact that he aircraft was still on the ground with the doors open should have struck him as an odd time to commence a hijacking.
Under hoodies and jackets but that didnāt stop Barney from getting afraid. Heās probably an old dinosaur who still remembers when an Aer Lingus flight was hijacked in the late 1970s or early 1980s when Albert Reynolds was Minister for Transport.