Terrorist Threat on Aircrafts

Minor funny incident on the way to Edinburgh yesterday. Myself and Bandage boarded the aircraft and I presented my boarding pass for inspection. The air hostess noted that we were to be seated at the rear of the aircraft and mentioned something about a wheelchair passenger sitting in the aisle and asked us to stand aside for a moment and motioned towards the little gangway up to the cockpit. (The reality is that she probably took a look at Bandage’s bulk and reasoned that we’d have to rearrange the seats a bit to accommodate the portly fellow).

So we stood at the door to the cockpit which was open and the captain turned around and said in a little twerpy voice - “You can’t come in here lads.” I thought he was joking about us flying the plane so just stayed in the door to the cockpit and then he said “no, no seriously lads you can’t be that near us” and he looked fucking panic sticken. The little shit of a man had become frightened at the fact that we were standing near the cockpit and that we hadn’t retreated when asked. Explained to him that the air hostess asked us to stand there and she confirmed our story and he finally calmed the fuck down. It was hilarious to see him get frightened though. We didn’t really look like terrorists or anything.

I heard you were trying to hijack the plane to fly it into Novos house.

They may have thought Bandage’s ample stomach was hidden explosives…

And that Rock’s fringe was not that of a sane individual…

Initially I thought he was having a little bit of banter with us in a kind of ‘Jesus lads, are you going to come in and fly the plane?’ kind of way before I realised the little weed - think of a man who’d need to stand on a step ladder and lean upwards to give Farmer a blow job - was actually afraid. I should have used my ample stomach excess to give him a belly-to-belly suplex. His name was Barney Lynch too, which made me laugh.

I’m not having this. You have been assumed to be Turkish* by Turks more than once and also entered a ‘who looks more Turkish contest’ with Piss Hands(who won is still under dispute, I believe). Your sallow complexion and slight awkwardness in public situations would leave you looking exactly like a lurking maybe terrorist. Putting this with you and Bandage’s recent flight troubles(nearly being refused permission to board an aircraft), I would be worried had a pilot not checked.

*Juhniallio insists that all turks are not terrorists(although there has been trouble in recent years in that country regarding anti-western terrorism), just that the prevailing attitude in western society is that a terrorist these days is probably a bit muslimy/arabic etc.
**Juhniallio loves Kebabs.

This probably happened but can you remind me of the incident please as I can’t recall it?

Speaking of the global terror threat and your point on those behind such attacks as being a bit muslimy, there was an arrest in Bristol today and the army and / or police carried out a controlled explosion on a device in yer man’s house. There’s some cracking quotes on Sky News where a retired neighbour assumes it’s ‘the Muslim young chap from down the road’ that been’s arrested. She often saw him walking down the road with a satchel and wondered if he was a student apparently.

[quote=“Bandage”]This probably happened but can you remind me of the incident please as I can’t recall it?

Speaking of the global terror threat and your point on those behind such attacks as being a bit muslimy, there was an arrest in Bristol today and the army and / or police carried out a controlled explosion on a device in yer man’s house. There’s some cracking quotes on Sky News where a retired neighbour assumes it’s ‘the Muslim young chap from down the road’ that been’s arrested. She often saw him walking down the road with a satchel and wondered if he was a student apparently.[/quote]

My post was misleading. In perfect vernacular it would have read ‘yizar recent flight troubles’.
Didn’t ye get pulled out of a queue for a flight with Southampton-Celtic-give-me-back my-photos-man?

[quote=“Juhniallio”]My post was misleading. In perfect vernacular it would have read ‘yizar recent flight troubles’.
Didn’t ye get pulled out of a queue for a flight with Southampton-Celtic-give-me-back my-photos-man?[/quote]

Ah yes, Heathrow last season before going onwards to Milan and Rocko and I are accosted by a randomer who introduces himself to us as Celtic Mike. Tells us he’s from Southampton himself but his people are from Clare. Not even a minute after the initial hello he’s taken out a little photo album of himself at various Celtic occasions in the past. ‘Here’s one of me in my house the day of the 1989 Cup Final’ etc etc. It was only when we spoke later we realised how fooking odd it was to bring such photos with you to show other randomers. Then he hands over the photos for us to browse in more detail while he goes for a piss and comes back and accuses us of stealing one of him lifting up an inflatable European Cup in the Timland shop in Glasgow. Then quickly apologises when he notices it on the ground!

So we wander further down to our gate and the 3 of us sit down and are joined by 2 Scottish lads, 1 of whom is outrageously drunk from the night before. The lesser drunk lad says he might have spare tickets once we get to Milan and Celtic Mike gets giddy and says he needs one and tells your man to put his number in his phone as Celtic Mike. The other lad says his name is Billy so Celtic Mike says ‘That’s funny - Celtic Mike and Billy The Celt’ and I’m sitting there thinking, ‘What the fook.’ Then Celtic Mike takes out a plastic cover with a load of sheets in it and says his wife has prepared a trip itinerary for him and tells us we should look at it as it could be very useful. So I start reading it and it says stuff like ‘Taxis and buses and trains all available from airport to city centre - taxis probably dearer.’ Fooking hell.

The the really drunk chap starts singing ‘Michael Fagan, Michael Fagan, Michael Fagan shagged the queen.’ Some auld wan went and complained about his vulgarity and next thing these officials come up and confiscate all our passports. Celtic Mike jumps up and starts whingeing and pleading and saying he didn’t do anything wrong and Rocko and I are just sitting there holding back laughter. In fairness to the 2 Scots, yer lad’s mate said the 3 of us had nothing to do with it and so we get our passports back and Celtic Mike leans in and tells us too much drink is never a good thing. The 2 lads are brought off to a room to sober up for a while and then they appear last on the flight just as it’s about to take off. I never did see Celtic Mike since that day.

We’re you wearing Hoops jerseys on the plane, if so I can understand the pilots concerns!

Celtic Mike. What a fucking hero.

I’d pick a small bone with that story if I may Bandage. My recollection is that when the officials came up they approached the two drunks first of all and took their passports and because we were beside them they took our passports too. We obviously knew yer man was in trouble but we hadn’t been drinking yet so we were fine. Then of course the officials asked if anyone else was travelling with the two lads and Celtic Mike volunteered himself on the dubious grounds that he was trying to buy a ticket off them and was also trying to be our mate. That’s when they took his passport and that’s when he looked like he wanted to cry.

Fair enough point on the terrorist look Bandage - I’ll concede a mild Turkish appearance and a shifty nature. But Barney completely shat himself. I’d expect a bit more from a pilot in the event of an actual threat. Also the fact that he aircraft was still on the ground with the doors open should have struck him as an odd time to commence a hijacking.

Under hoodies and jackets but that didn’t stop Barney from getting afraid. He’s probably an old dinosaur who still remembers when an Aer Lingus flight was hijacked in the late 1970s or early 1980s when Albert Reynolds was Minister for Transport.