The Official TFK Father's Issues Thread. I don't know how they do it

[Mac]

@carryharry

Most Public Health Nurses are generally very good, the lady who visited us initially spotted that our little one was tongue tied and that was a big help as feeding was torture.
I think she visited once more thereafter so I’d be surprised if a Public Health Nurse was still calling.

This couple must be having appointments in the Hospital regularly due to this child being Premature??

PHN’s have regular check ups with kids until the age of 2 or 3 I think. You go to them rather than them coming to you. Standard developmental checks

[Bandage]

Thanks very much to my online friends for all the advice and insight.

[GeoffreyBoycott]

I’d get it looked at privately. It might not be anything if it is early intervention is key. Our son started to show autism traits at about a year. We were all over it straight away and pushing hard when just about everyone in the system was telling us to adopt a wait and see approach. If there is an issue, earliest possible intervention is crucial.

[mickee321]

@Bandage

A query for TFK fathers.

A pal has a 21-month old child who was born 8 weeks premature and the young chap still doesn’t talk or react to his own name being called and basically seems in a permanent trance watching Baby TV. The latter seems to be a legacy of his mother returning to work early and him being looked after by an elderly grandmother who minds him and his older brother and probably puts them in front of the TV all day for as quiet a life as possible.

He’s now taken to sitting on his arse on the ground and spinning himself around or standing up straight and then leaning back as far as he can in a “n” shape until he falls over.

A cursory google throws up all sorts of shit with autism being worse case scenario. They mentioned it to a nurse on some standard development hospital
appointment and she said it was too early to draw any conclusions and to wait 6 months.

What’s the diagnosis here? Would you guys be looking to make an appointment privately with some specialist or is this youngster just a bit of a late developer?

how’reya
ok, premature babies usually require a lot of monitoring in general from what i know but i honestly have no clue if this is a contributing factor here
100% they need to get to a specialist now, call the GP tomorrow and take it from there.
My esteemed other half comes from a well documented basket case of a country BUT it does have an unreal health system, the concept of a GP dealing with a baby baffles her, over there they have paediatric doctors for u-12s, its like a GP for kids and they are ferociously proactive, anyway, not much help
im just very suprised that the nurse didnt pick this up at the various stages, its entirely possible there could be a hearing issue there , also look he could be a bit late- first kids always are - my bollox of a son only started walking at 18 months, thats considered late - now in israel they’d have them in physio by then if they werent walking but we are more relaxed here - he is flying now
kids do develope at different speeds and environment is a huge thing but as u say , second kids usually quicker as they watch the older sibling
its tough the mother off to work, creches at least help here as the kids really develope socially - that poor fella seems to be off to a bad start

is the mother any good at all?
she’s fiddling when rome is on fire here, needs to get that kid to the doc ASAP - no excuses - if she cant get an appt, fucking drive to kids A/E in Tallaght and that will force a system to move, the fucking parents have a responsibility here, 21 months is way too late for these “milestones” i hate that word…
obvious spot tho, kid could be deaf - but he should also be getting well curious now - messing with plugs, all that stuff, if he is not, he needs help

[balbec]

If he’s 21 months already I’d be getting him checked out.

[balbec]

You did the right thing bud.

[mickee321]

@Bandage

Not entirely sure but it was told to me as one of the standard nurse appointments so probably public health nurse alright.

I wouldn’t be putting too much faith in a “wait and see” piece of advice from one nurse myself.

I was confided in as a neutral for an unemotive / non-father / logical view. I said there’s surely some private specialist they could see if they’re that concerned.

I’d rather follow up to be sure and hear there’s nothing wrong preferably or, if not, at least know what they’re dealing with and start to put in place whatever needs to be done. Better that than sit on it for another 6 months imo opinion.

I left it at that but then realised I had a very valuable resource here I could utilise.

you did an excellent thing flagging it here
can you get the lad to post on here so we can sound him out
also - pay no heed to @Mac and his faux sympathy and just using this as a lever to advertise some buddy of his who is charging exorbitant rates
just tell that lad to get his son to a doctor, now, i mean he needs to be in fucking moving about it pronto

[Fagan_ODowd]

Something not quite right here @Bandage. Tell them to get the finger out and get it looked at asap.

[thedancingbaby]

Cut them some slack mate. They have got their finger out. Haven’t they asked @Bandage to come on here to get a first opinion.

How do you know they won’t go to a medical professional afterwards to confirm what’s been said here.

[Fagan_ODowd]

@thedancingbaby

Cut them some slack mate. They have got their finger out. Haven’t they asked @Bandage to come on here to get a first opinion.

How do you know they won’t go to a medical professional afterwards to confirm what’s been said here.

They are either very blasé or they’ve the head firmly in the sand.

[balbec]

You’d think the grandparents would be all over this.

[Fagan_ODowd]

@balbec

You’d think the grandparents would be all over this.

Story doesn’t stack up at all.

[HfromHandW]

Not long back. Trip was lengthy because it was impossible to fly before today money - wise. Stayed a night with the people who I hope will become my in-laws.
Anyway, basically: if I had not been there I’d have lost in 5 minutes. If my good lady had not been there I’d probably have keeled over as my solicitor was appointed an hour before and spoke no English.
No end but we are definitely on top. I have never been more scared but I held it together thankfully.

So, to all of you: there are no words adequate. None . If I don’t do something really good in the future to show my appreciation can someone in the RA please have me shot. It was a life changing trip. Very very difficult to stand before the two people who have destroyed my family, turned my nana into an old woman very suddenly and almost got me.

But the boy. He never gave up. It was …well ye can imagine.
And in a strange twist I absolutely love Poland. Adore the place.

Another while to go on this but fuck…I think we can do it. Again @artfoley and the rest, you know who you are, fuck me am I appreciative and overwhelmed. Amazing. Absolutely amazing. It’s been a long torture but I am emerging a man who has purpose, is better in every way, knows love and feels reborn. Thank you.

[Julio_Geordio]

Great stuff mate. What’s the next step?

[Little_Lord_Fauntleroy]

would you learn Polish and relocate?

[TheUlteriorMotive]

Are you threatening @Julio_Geordio on behalf of gangland Dublin criminals.

[Little_Lord_Fauntleroy]

huh?

[myboyblue]

Quickly, and quietly, pack a bag and run @Julio_Geordio

[Rintintin]

Only spotting this now @Bandage . As a father to 3 kids on the spectrum all I can say is you did the right thing flagging this. They need to get private assessment ASAP . Most private docs still won’t assess kids until they are 2 but may as well get the ball rolling. Delaying is not the way to go if the child does have Autism. Early intervention is key . Not for one moment saying that this kid has Autism BTW but some of the things you wrote up would be fairly similar to what we went through. Definitely hearing should be checked at first. Also as many have said the fact that the child was premature would hinder development some bit. Writing this In a bit of a rush but if you’ve any questions bang me on a PM.

[HfromHandW]

She was presented with a summons for the end of February for Guardianship in Dublin. So the Hague Convention motion was postponed pending the outcome of that.

Which would seem to be a good looking future but I am still too fucked in the head to get excited.

Doesn’t help when some of your friends of 20 years+ are now trying to make up scenarios which equate them ignoring me for two years with stuff I missed because I was bleedin suicidal or crazed at the time so I am an equal prick. (The few who stood with me have already been promised whatever reward I can give in the near future. Art and Runt deserve continents, the rest of ye major archipelagos etc) Not to mention my da still ignoring me because of stuff I actually forgave because I understood. This has been a 100% test. But as I always say I am glad it happened because it has made me and changed everything for the better in my head. To use massive understatement.
EXCEPT, and @HBV I will need your guidance here: I suddenly have to confront monogamy.
And yes I looked at house prices at the weekend in Poland. It’s decided. There’s a business opportunity.
@balbec due to your past business activities I think you might be interested. …

Finally, the one constant strong person I always could rely on: my nana.