I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, I phoned her up for a date but sheâd popped her clogs.
You should tell that one to Sammy Wilson
Wet Wet Wet lead singer Marti Pellow has revealed a chronic arthritis diagnosis.
He told The Daily Star: âI feel it in my fingers. I feel it in my toes.â
3 Likes
A man is sat in the electric chair, hooked up and ready to be electrocuted.
Executioner has his hand on the switch and turns to the man and says âany last words?â
Condemned man replies âI wonât be shocked if this doesnât workâ
5 Likes
Boom boom! 
Jesus Christ was originally going to be named Tony, but Mary stubbed her toe on the bed post rushing out to the toilet.
4 Likes
Jamaican hairstyle day is tomorrowâŚ
Iâm dreading itâŚ
10 Likes
A man is driving home to Dublin from down the country.
He comes across a funeral possession behind a hearse. There must have been 3,000 men in it,
He wanted to find out who the dead person was so he went to front. He got speaking to a member of the family who had a Rottweiler on a lead.
Who are you in relation to the dead person?
Thatâs my mother in law.
What happened?
The Rottweiler bit her. She died within minutes.
Any chance I could get that dog for the weekend [laughing]
Youâll have to join the queue first!
Young lad comes home from school and tells his Dad he got a part in the school play. âCongratsâ says the Dad, âwhat part did you getâ. âA married manâ. âOh wellâ says the Dad, hopefully you get a speaking part the next timeâ.
7 Likes
Bilbo was surprised to wake one morning, and find that a Tesco had been built right next to his house
It was an unexpected item in the Baggins areaâŚ
6 Likes
I had a hen once who could count her own eggs.
She was a mathemachickenâŚ
Dave rubs a magic lamp and the genie grants him 3 wishesâŚ
Genie: What will be your first wish?
Dave: I want to be rich
Genie: Granted. What will be your second wish?
Rich: I want a lot of money
13 Likes
Apparently you canât use âbeef stewâ as a password.
Itâs not stroganoff.
8 Likes
David Beckhamâs son arrived for football trainingâŚ
He asked the coach, âWhat number shirt am I?â
The coach said, âWear four out there, Romeoâ.
3 Likes
Was walking down the road with my wife when we saw her mother being set upon by 6 men.
âAre you going to help?â asked my wife.
I said âNo, six should be enough.â
4 Likes
