Horses used to have names you could remember. Red Rum. West Tip. Durham Edition. Bonanza Boy. Have A Barney. Mr. Mulligan. Viking Flagship. Docklands Express. Remittance Man. Waterloo Boy. Galmoy. Florida Pearl. Best Mate.
Now it’s all Pencilfuloflead and Numbersixvalverde and Ayteenletrsaloud and Dubnobasswithmyheadman and Minella Times and Minella Rocco and Minella Rococco and Minella Schminella.
Ridiculous names like Istabraq and Sinndar and Hors La Loi III and Bindaree should have been a harbinger of things to come, a harbinger of a world of faceless Coneygrees and Energumemes and Valubans and A Plus Tards.
The names of horses now are like the names of property development companies during the Celtic Tiger.
I did similar. It makes me want to own a horse. I think tea in a mug and one armed waiter were my favourites of the acceptable ones… and forelock tugger… and you just gont get it (fella)
Names can have a maximum of 18 characters including spaces and punctuation.
Initials are not permitted.
Names may not end with “filly”, “colt”, “stud”, “mare”, “stallion” or any similar horse-related terms.
Names may not consist only of numbers, unless the number are above thirty and you spell it out. So, you could name a horse “Forty forty”, for example.
Names must not end with a numerical designation such as “1st” or “2nd”.
A racehorse’s name must not include the name of a real person or someone who has been dead for less than 50 years, unless their written permission or the permission of their family is provided.
No names of racecourses or graded races can be included.
Names must not have any obvious commercial significance.
A name must not include suggestive, vulgar or obscene words and meanings and should not be in poor taste.
Names should not be offensive to any religious, ethnic or political groups.
You can not give a racehorse a name that features on the restricted list.
Messaging @anon67715551 for a bit of advice, and getting an in depth reply from boxtyeaterjunior IV , starting with “I’ll help you out if I can because @anon67715551 is snoring gently on the couch in a lotus eaters dream of Middleton 12 year old”
And then signing off with
“Boxty hasn’t moved in the last few minutes and the dog is looking at him with concern so I best go and hold a mirror up to his nose and hopefully then it’s just a move for the smelling salts”
