Did you tell the missus? Hopefully you did mid labour
I did no such thing
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You could nearly count that as a threesome
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De Niro is 79 and sired another child this year
I’ve got a shock for both them men.
It’s not theirs.
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Cocaine is so prevalent to the incoming Irish youngster’s world that most of them are probably oblivious to it’s level of illegality.
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I read it first and was thinking to myself why the fuck would you give someone 60 euro for a bottle of coke
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I must be old so, I got the cataracts removed this year.
Must have been tough- not being able to enjoy the view from the high-rise?
Even better from the high moral ground
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I think Roy Curtis ghost writes that.
Write an extremely pompous, self congratulatory LinkedIn monologue by a fictional American tech influencer named Zac Elonberg. Elonberg believes he is a genius but is in fact a fraud. This monologue must not contain an open admission by Elonberg that he is a fraud, but must demonstrate to the reader that he is in fact a fraud. Write this monologue primarily in the style of Irish sportswriter Roy Curtis, but also insert some of the style of UK TV character Alan Partridge.
ChatGPT
Ladies and gentlemen of the digital congregation, brace yourselves for a cerebral feast as I, the incomparable Zac Elonberg, whisk you away on a euphoric odyssey through the very realms of innovation that I, and I alone, have charted with my unparalleled genius.
Behold, as I, the true visionary of our time, regale you with the sagas of my technological exploits that have left even the most formidable minds humbled and in awe. From the inception of my first HTML line to the epochal launch of my groundbreaking app—whose mere interface induces tears of ecstasy in mere mortals—I have etched my name into the annals of tech history with a flourish of keystrokes that defies the ordinary and elevates the mundane.
You see, my digital brethren, I’ve long held an unspoken understanding with the very fabric of cyberspace. It is as if my fingertips dance upon the keyboard with a symphonic grace, orchestrating the grand ballet of algorithms and code, all of which bend and contort to my whims like adoring acolytes before a supreme deity. I am not just a tech influencer; I am the very architect of the digital cosmos itself.
My strategic prowess, much like my impeccably coiffed hair, knows no bounds. I’ve redefined the boundaries of human interaction, crafting user experiences so sublime that they practically reach out and massage your cerebral cortex. Every line of code I write is imbued with a sort of digital alchemy that transforms mundane machines into awe-inspiring conduits of human connection, all the while leaving my rivals in the tech sphere wondering how I manage to be so resplendent.
As you contemplate the digital marvels I’ve engineered, remember this: while others may tinker and toy with their petty gadgets, I, Zac Elonberg, hold the very blueprint of technological evolution in the palm of my hand. My innovations, much like my dashing good looks, are to be admired, envied, and revered. I’ve become a beacon of digital enlightenment, a paragon of intellect, and a walking testament to the miraculous heights that human ingenuity can scale.
So, dear digital devotees, as we traverse this brave new world together, know that the singular phenomenon of brilliance, the embodiment of magnificence, the irrefutable essence of the future—it’s all encapsulated within the entity known as Zac Elonberg. Let us forge ahead, and may the technocratic winds of my brilliance continue to propel us to the zenith of the digital age.
Yours in unparalleled cerebral grandeur,
Zac Elonberg
Write an extremely pompous, self congratulatory LinkedIn monologue by a fictional American tech influencer named Zac Elonberg. Elonberg believes he is a genius but is in fact a fraud. This monologue must not contain an open admission by Elonberg that he is a fraud, but must demonstrate to the reader that he is in fact a fraud. In the monologue Elonberg will describe mundane events throughout his day, such as waking at 4:30am, admiring himself in the mirror, and describing himself drinking strong coffee. The monologue will contain Elonberg describing himself supposedly working extremely hard, but the reader will understand that Elonberg is in fact extremely lazy. Write this monologue primarily in the style of Irish sportswriter Roy Curtis, but also insert some of the style of UK TV character Alan Partridge. Do not use the words “symphony”, “elixir” or “ungodly”. Do use the words “optimisation”, “genius” and the phrase “blue sky thinking”.
ChatGPT
Ladies and gentlemen of the digital realm, gather 'round and prepare to be astounded by the whirlwind of my incomparable brilliance. It is I, none other than the illustrious Zac Elonberg, who strides the lofty heights of the tech world like a colossus, casting shadows that mere mortals can only aspire to comprehend.
At the break of day, as the sun timidly tiptoes above the horizon, I, the enigmatic Zac, rise with a verve matched only by the most illustrious of visionaries. The clock strikes an hour that most would deem, well, ambitious, but for me, it’s a mere speck in the canvas of time, a starting point for the optimisation of genius.
Before the world even awakens from its slumber, I stand before the mirror, my countenance radiating an aura that seems almost ethereal. It’s as though my very presence commands the admiration of the digital universe itself. A fleeting nod of approval to my reflection, and I’m off, ready to embrace the boundless possibilities that await me.
Coffee, that elixir of alertness, finds its way to my hand, fortifying me for the cerebral marathon that lies ahead. The steam rising from the cup is a metaphor for the ideas that swirl within my genius mind, ideas that will sculpt the future of technology with the subtlety of a maestro and the precision of a surgeon.
The world, you see, may tread upon the path of routine, but I, Zac Elonberg, soar above the mundane with the grace of an eagle on the winds of blue sky thinking. Armed with my gadgets, the quintessence of sophistication, I embark on my daily adventure of digital dominion. The inbox trembles as my emails take flight, my words like pearls of wisdom that will be cherished by generations to come.
The grind of the day, a mere mortal’s grind, sees me immersed in my digital realm. With each keystroke, I weave the fabric of innovation, navigating the labyrinth of ones and zeroes with a finesse that borders on the divine. It’s as if the very universe conspires to make way for my resplendent genius.
Lunchtime approaches, and while the masses may seek nourishment, I, Zac Elonberg, feast upon the satisfaction of my own intellect. A sidelong glance at my reflection in the office window reaffirms my towering magnificence, and I march onward, shoulders squared, toward the culmination of my day’s grand design.
As the sun slips behind the horizon, casting its golden hues upon the world, I, the prodigious Zac, allow myself a moment of contemplation. The trail I’ve blazed, the blueprints I’ve etched into the digital fabric, all stand as a testament to the unprecedented marvel that is my existence.
So, dear connections, let us together revel in the splendor of my digital tapestry, for within its intricate threads lies the undeniable truth: the future bows not to those who toil, but to those who, like me, possess a brilliance that can only be described as genius.
Yours in unparalleled grandeur,
Zac Elonberg
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Sounds like standard Roy Curtis
Feck offfffffffffffff