An Corn Ryder

1

18 reasons why I hate the Ryder Cup
Don’t believe the hype, this weekend’s golf extravaganza at the K Club promises to be nothing short of nauseating.

  • Barry Glendenning in the Guardian

  1. The K Club. Staging the Ryder Cup in Ireland and not playing it on a links course is like bringing terminally ill children to Disneyland, then forbidding them from meeting giant mice. A small piece of Ireland that will be forever American, the K Club is a charmless, exclusive, expensive, pretentious monument to the enormous ego of its owner, “Dr” Michael Smurfit. Not only is the K Club not among Ireland’s top 10 golf courses, it isn’t even among Ireland’s top 10 landlocked golf courses.

  2. The players. Vaughan Taylor, Robert Karlsson, JJ Henry, Zach Johnson, David Howell, Brett Wetterich and Henrik Stenson are all playing this weekend. Retief Goosen, Michael Campbell, Vijay Singh, Mike Weir and Geoff Ogilvy aren’t. If Israel’s football team can take their chance in the European Championships, why the devil can’t Ernie Els take his in the Ryder Cup?

  3. The lack of prize money. Playing for nothing more than prestige and a $100 trophy means certain players have little or no motivation to do well. Unconvinced? Four years ago Tiger Woods said he could “think of a million reasons” why he’d rather win the American Express Championship at Mount Juliet than the Ryder Cup at The Belfry. He didn’t really need the cash back then either.

  4. The Yanks’ dress-sense. This year, the battle fatigues and camouflage hats of Kiawah Island have been eschewed in favour of totally predictable Oh Begorrah tweed. Why not go the whole hog and play with knobbly sticks instead of five-irons?

  5. The captains. What are they for? A monkey could skipper a Ryder Cup team. After all, the two teams pretty much pick themselves, while anyone with a passing interest in golf could have done the American pairings better than Hal Sutton last time round. After that the captains are more of a hindrance than a help. Remember Seve driving around the course on a buggy telling professional golfers at the top of their game what shot to hit and with what club? You can bet your last fiver the players he was driving insane do.

  6. The nationalism. If we’re all pulling together against the Yanks under that big blue flag with the gold stars on it, why did Paul McGinley drape a tricolour round his shoulders shortly after sinking the winning putt at The Belfry?

  7. The rip-off culture. Taxi drivers, hoteliers, shopkeepers and restaurateurs in and around Dublin will be sexually aroused at the prospect of all the money they’re going to make overcharging well-to-do folk in check trousers and bobble hats this week. If Sky want to show us genuine, no-holds-barred Ryder Cup competition, they should point their cameras at the hucksters and gombeen men as they jostle to get their snouts in the trough. Ireland of the welcomes indeed.

  8. The hype. If ever a sporting contest was built on hype over substance, this is it. Well, apart from Grand Slam Sunday the other day, obviously. And whatever’s on the weekend after next. Golf is no more a team sport than boxing is, while Europe is no more an actual team than the Allied forces in Iraq. But for one weekend every two years, Sky have decided it is, so we’re forced to enter into the spirit of things. Greppa och slitt up den, Henrik!

  9. The bad comb-overs. You haven’t seen a competitive golf course scramble until you’ve revelled in the unedifying spectacle of several dozen Irish politicians climbing over each other to get in the frame of a photograph featuring Tiger Woods holding a pint of porter (or “the black stuff”, as it shall be dutifully referred to with monotonous regularity by all British media outlets for the rest of the week). Remember when Charles Haughey helped Stephen Roche win the Tour de France? Or when Bertie Ahern tried to coax Roy Keane back to the 2002 World Cup? You ain’t seen nothing yet.

  10. The lies. Speaking of politicians, when it was announced that the Ryder Cup would be held at the K Club, the Irish government promised to do everything in their power to make it free to air, what it being the most important thing to happen in the country since Pope John Paul kissed the tarmac of Dublin airport in 1981. They didn’t.

  11. The wives. The fact that most of us could pick Amy Mickelson or Elin Nordgren out of a police line-up if we had to, but wouldn’t recognise several of the American players if they threatened us with a nine-iron says it all.

  12. The Johnny Come Latelys. Every news writer, profile writer, fashion writer, travel writer, business writer, leader writer, wishy-washy instantly-forgettable-feature writer, gossip writer, showbiz writer and TV writer will have something to say about the Ryder Cup circus in the week ahead. Where were you when we were reporting on the halfway cut of the Deutsche Bank Players’ Championship? Eh?

  13. The fact that it’s being reported as the most important sporting event ever to be staged in Ireland. If you include the Irish Derby, it’s not even the most important sporting event ever to be staged in County Kildare. Anyone who wants to see supremely skilful teams doing their thing free of charge in front of massive crowds in the Emerald Isle should attend an All Ireland hurling or Gaelic football final. We’ve been staging annually for over a century - the fact that the posh Pringle set aren’t interested in them doesn’t make them any less significant.

  14. The global TV audience of one billion that countless Ryder Cup cheerleaders keep alluding to, conveniently forgetting to mention that’s merely the potential audience. The Olympic opening ceremony gets bigger audiences than the Ryder Cup.

  15. The Boys’ Club Bingo. Tick a box whenever the camera pans on the smug fizzogs of Dr Michael Smurfit, Eddie Jordan, Michael O’Leary, Dermot Desmond, JP McManus, Denis O’Brien or Sir Dr AJF O’Reilly KBE PhD Etc Etc. Collect a bonus if you get two in one shot, double it if they’ve their arms around each other. Ireland’s finest, these are truly great men.

  16. The disgraceful scenes at Brookline. For one brief moment in 1999 when a procession of whooping Yanks, along with their caddies and Stepford Wives did the conga across Jos? Maria Olaz?bal’s line on the dancefloor at 17, the Ryder Cup was well worth watching. The ensuing indignation-fuelled hoopla ensured that peace, love and understanding have been high on the Ryder Cup agenda ever since. More needle please - let’s have some conflict and controversy at the K Club.

  17. The fact that it’s not being staged in the USA. The presence of thousands of Yanks coralled behind the ropes, whooping and hollering at golf balls to “grow teeth” or “geddindahole” is usually enough to stoke the embers of anti-American sentiment that glow within even the most apathetic European. Sadly, geography dictates that they’ll be largely conspicuous by their absence. If they must play on an American-style course, why not go into the belly of the beast and play in America?

  18. The conspicuous absence of Peter Alliss. Let’s face it, a golf tournament without the BBC commentator’s politically incorrect, patronising and longwinded anecdotes is no golf tournament at all. Which reminds me. “I’m obliged to Major Rupert Bovingdon, treasurer of the Swinley Forest Golf Club down in Berkshire for bringing this little snippet to my attention …”

2

Excellent. I heard John McHenry (who has some sort of official capacity but I can’t remember what) stating proudly this morning that while “it’s a corporate world”, “7% of the tickets have gone to the general public”. So a mere 93% to the corporate fatcats and their lackeys then John?

And TodayFM’s ads begin “It’s the biggest sporting event of the year”; how about the World Cup, lads?

The Pope’s visit in '81? Guess one can’t get an article published in The Guardian (or The Graudian as they used to call it on Yes Minister) without a mistake or two.

3

It’s a real love-hate relationship ye have with that place.

I certainly won’t be seeing any Ryder Cup before Sunday I don’t think - even at that not sure I’ll bother. On Morning Ireland today they devoted from 8am to 9am to discussions about the weather at the K Club for a fucking practice session. There is a coup in Thailand and some decent protesting/rioting in Hungary but these gobshites are hyping up a tournament that they can’t even show on tv.

4

I?m going to watch the Old Firm in Frazers but I plan on calling into the 51 on my way to create a scene. I?ll go in wearing my hoops and demand they turn off the golf and see what they say.

I actually used to enjoy watching the Ryder Cup and I?ll probably watch some of it but seeing how the thing is run now that?s it?s in Ireland has put a different compexion on it for me. The quote about it not being a corporate back scratching exercise as 7% of tickets are reserved for ?ordinary members of the public? pissed me off. There was also panic in my place of work this morning as some of ?our guests? were affected by the closure of the course to non-essential staff this morning. What would we do to ensure they weren?t inconvenienced by having to wait outside? Oh, the worry.

Also, that article from the old site was absolutely spot on. No way should it be played at the K Club. That in itself proves it?s a cosy cartel for the likes of Smurfit and the boys. And all this scheidt about it being the biggest sporting event in Ireland ever, my hole it is. I keep reading about this supposed 1bn tv audience, that?s the potential audience. I read an article in the Tribune the other week that said despite the Ryder Cup being on NBC in the US, the viewing figures for the weekend coverage for the last one in 2004 were still less than those for NASCAR racing, college sports and NFL shown on other satellite channels.

It?s a money making charade with a bit of golf thrown in. That is all.

5

So what is Irelands top course then sam? Presume you’ve played the other top courses in the county in order to be able to scof at that comment?

[quote=Bandage ]

I actually used to enjoy watching the Ryder Cup and I’ll probably watch some of it but seeing how the thing is run now that’s it’s in Ireland has put a different compexion on it for me. [/quote]

Bandage were you not one of the men who 2 years ago went on a late lunch so that we could take in as much as possilbe of the opening holes which teed off around 1.15pm? Also were you not one of the people who had the score continually up on your screen for the Friday afternoon and went to the lagoona bar instead of the Harbourmaster around 4.15 that afternoon as they had better screens for watching the golf?

So what is then?

6

Tommy is up for a row tonight!

7

Christ Tommy the K Club is nowhere near Ireland’s top course and nobody has ever really claimed it to be before now. Portmarnock would generally be considered far superior for one.

Bandage has acknowledged that he watched plenty of the Ryder Cup in the past so not sure what your point is. I’ve seen it a few times (but never watched it religiously) but I’m sick already of the hype around this tournament so probably won’t bother my hole with it.

The Ryder Cup will have probably the same attendance as the Dublin v Meath Leinster First Round football games that went to the 3 replays back in the 90s. The Special Olympics had a massive attendance. Some of the rugby world cup matches that have been staged here (Australia v New Zealand for one) would have had television audiences rivalling this contest.

It’s not even the biggest event in golf for fuck’s sake.

8

What?s bigger? As far as I?m concerned any championship hurling or gaelic football match, the latter stages of the NFL and NHL. Any soccer international. Any C&G Cup cricket game involving Ireland or any one day international. Any international rugby game even and any competitive game involving the Irish provinces. Any of the big horse racing meeting over jumps or flat.

I?ve said previously I liked watching the Ryder Cup, that?s one of the reasons why I went down to watch some of it last time. In addition, I was just back in work after exams and it was my last day before being off on a further 3 weeks? holidays. That was the primary reason for going to the pub early, the golf was a bonus. As for checking the scores, I?ll still have my internet window open on Friday aswell as I do for any live sport of note when I?m in work.

9

Forgot to rip into you over the ?what is a better course? comment. It?s common knowledge it?s being held at the K Club due to Smurfit?s millions, he sponsors a load of European Tour events and they can?t afford to have him pull out as a major sponsor. The real charm of Ireland?s golf courses are obviously the links courses like Ballybunnion, Portmarnock, Laytown, Royal Portrush etc. The K Club is just another faceless inland course no different or any better than the likes of Mount Juliet, Druid?s Glen, Fota Island and the likes. It?s there purely for financial reasons.

10

Is that a post in the break in Home and Away Sam?

11

Great commitment to both media Sam.

12

[quote=steamboatsam ]

I never said the K Club was Irelands best course. From what I’ve read it’s well down the list. You scoffed at the comment of the K Club being irelands top course, I presumed you had played the likes of Ballybunion, Lahinch and the K Club to be able to scof? Or are you relying on the media to make that conclusion? That is what I was trying to point out.

you know as well as I do that none of the above have the International profile that the Ryder Cup has. C&G cricket? for fooks sake. It’s one of the biggest International sporting events this country has ever hosted or is ever likely to host.

True the only reason it’s in the K Club is because of Smuriff’s money I know. But you have to agree it’s a good thing for this country? True it is driven by the Corporate sector and is a big money making machine but it’s a big tournament and it’s happening down the road so can ye not quit with the typical Irish Begrudgery and enjoy the hype? It’ll all be over come Sunday evening.

That is all I’m adding to this particular thread.

13

I?ve never played any of the championship courses mentioned tommy, not a keen golfer. But I have been to Portmarnock as a kid when the Irish Open was there. I?ve also seen coverage of the Irish Open when it was held in Ballybunnion and the British Seniors Open at the northern links venues Royal Portrush and Royal County Down. I?ve been to the K Club a few times for the European Open too. I think I have a fair basis for concluding that the K Club is not as good as the links courses mentioned. This isn?t the media driving my opinion, it is my own and it would generally be shared by anybody with even a passing interest in golf like myself.

The ?what?s bigger? list were my personal preferences, we?ll have to disagree. I did try to point out that the event is nowhere near as big as the media would lead you to believe. They would have you think that all of the US will be watching this at the weekend and then a sea of yanks will descend on Ireland in its wake bringing untold benefits to the economy. The likelihood is that they won?t. They?ll be watching the NFL double headers, they?ll be watching college football, they?ll be watching the conclusion of the baseball season, they?ll be taking part in drive-by shootings. Any real US golf die-hards probably know all about Ireland through watching the Golf Channel and many of these will already visited here before. The reality is there will be very little benefit to Ireland other than for business people who will be charging ridiculous prices for the weekend and for Michael Smurfit?s ego. These are the reasons why you might excuse me from getting overcome with excitement.

14

Thieving bastards with a shite climate Sam. Can’t blame the fat cat corporate coonts for the weather but is its Gods way of pissing on the event and telling the fooks to cop on?

Like Bandage, I watch it as with most live sport but find it hard to get emotionally involved. Its easy get emotionally involved when your supporting your club, county or country but your conintnent…can’t quite see the attraction there.

15

The following letter was hand delivered to the 51 last night. It is now stuck up behind the bar there and 2 of the barmen added their signatures to the petition. Feel free to drop in and sign it.

The Bar Manager (PJ) and staff [Aidan, Colin, Ciar?n, (even Paddy] of The 51, Haddington Road:

We want to place on record in no uncertain terms our dismay and disgust at your decision to screen the Ryder Cup in the pub this weekend.

This is a competition that stands for everything that is wrong with sport in the modern era. Allow us to place on record our reasons for holding this view:

It is a back scratching and money making exercise for the corporate sector with 93% of tickets reserved for the likes of Michael Smurfit and his sycophants. A senior K Club official defended their ticket selling policy by saying 7% of the allocation is plenty for ?ordinary members of the public?. Well forgive me for only being ?ordinary? in comparison to these great and ?extraordinary? Irish men like Smurfit, Dermot Desmond, Eddie Jordan and Anthony O?Reilly. Their self importance and overbearing sense of self worth are sickening in the extreme.

If it was a proper sporting spectacle it would have been held on one of Ireland?s beautiful and symbolic links courses like Ballybunnion, Portmarnock or Doonbeg. Instead it?s taking place on a faceless, dull and insipid course like the K Club that isn?t even close to being one of our best courses and is akin to any unspectacular parkland course in the US. We could be taking the opportunity to sell our country though it appears we have sold ourselves to Michael Smurfit. Yes, the European Tour is fearful of Smurfit pulling the plug on all the events he sponsors so they have bowed to his pressure and held it in his own backyard, a very boring backyard at that.

Does anyone really care about Europe versus the USA? It gives us all the chance to celebrate our membership of the EU ? something we?re all no doubt extremely proud of. Please give me a moment?s time to dig out my EU flag so I can get behind the boys from Brussels. Oh, the stupidity of it all.

It?s no fun since they?ve become all sporting after Brookline in 1999. Where?s the rivalry, the intensity, the hatred? It?s no more than a friendly game played by overpampered children. There might be some value to it if there was the potential for violence but instead we get opponents complimenting each other. What the fook?

Golf is a game for nuffies. Going out in your favourite v-neck jumper and chinos to launch a little ball around with a piece of metal. Get a football or a hurley and stop being a big gay.

We expect you will reverse your ridiculous decision forthwith. We look forward to joining you in The 51 to view Celtic-Rangers on Saturday lunch time now that you have seen the terrible error of your ways.

Yours in golf,

The undersigned

16

One of the lads here just told me he?s half thinking of heading down to the pub early tomorrow to watch the golf. You?d want to hear his tone as if it was absolutely crazy altogether to even be contemplating going down. I kind of looked at him all surprised as if I don?t go drinking every Saturday for the day.

17

You stupid bogger fooks. This is the largest sporting event to come to Ireland in a decade and you are knocking it.

You faggots are the same guys talking about all Irelands, which is amateur rubbish.

I saw some of the Ryder cup at lunch; looked like a cracking atmosphere; good to see the US draw first blood too.

If i was good enough to be a professional at any sport - it would definitely be golf; its a sweat life.

18

I’ve got to agree with Ball Ox on this one (apart form the Yanks drawing first blood bit)

19

Some pack of woofters down in the bookies watching the golf at lunchtime.

Give me the ?amateur rubbish? that is the GAA any day of the week instead of this tripe. Monty and Harrington lose by a hole and they?re all smiles and friendly with the US boys. You wouldn?t see that in a Dublin-Meath game I tell ya. Because it?s proper sport that?s why.

?Cracking atmosphere!!! Isn?t it wonderful to see the corporate sector rouse themselves between glasses of wine to get behind ?our? boys? Don?t make me laugh. It?s the most contrived atmosphere you?re likely to find. Still laughing at your post ball ox. You mong.

20

What a complete spastick statement you have made. You call this a sport website? You are going completley against the sentiment of the sports world.

Several points for your GAA: I cannot think of anything which makes me so ashamed to be Irish. I hate the bogger bastards that bring their shit-for-brains familes up from Ballynacock, Rathfook and Killymacshite to have their gay “family day out”; and eat their beetroot sandwiches in the stands and then drive home under the influence of alcohol adding to our death toll on the roads.
Also the GAA commentry is done by two people who i would love to see viciously beaten, or fooked out of a speeding car like Richard Hammond; namely Ger Canning and Marty Morrisey.
It is completly amateur and that is reflected in the ill disciplne. And dont give me that shite that they prepare rigorously and have gruelling training sessions - JUST BECAUSE THE LUCOZADE OR GUINNESS ADS SAY SO.
I think it is utter scutter.
About the only good thing anyone can definitely say about the GAA is the Average-to-good (hey its the best we’ve got so lets say its one of the world’s best - NONSENSE - self praise is no praise) Croke Park stadium, which the vast vast vast majority (in excess of 95%) was funded by government handouts and “the corporate sector” (throough the sale of pre booked corporate boxes for five and ten years); so stick that up your hypocritical GAA arse you fooking arsewipe.

Did you and the other boggers boys decide over a few pints that the Ryder cup was something that you should smite? I cant believe it. The one time a bit of class comes to our quaint little isle you have the balls to knock it - up yours, you stupid fooks.