Analogies Thread

I was reading a Celtic board there and found a few descriptions of Mark Brown, understudy to the Holy Goalie, quite amusing.

“He’s about as useful as a toilet brush in a field.”

And when discussing how he struggled to gather an attempted chip from half-way against Hibs with the ease and composure you’d expect of any decent 'keeper:

“He started back-peddling like a fireman trying to catch a baby.”

I must admit to being a fan of a good analogy.

Anybody got any decent ones?

[quote=“Bandage”]

I must admit to being a fan of a good analogy.

Anybody got any decent ones?[/quote]

“He couldn’t score in a brothel with a fistful of fivers”

A newish one I’ve heard and love is

"sweating like ‘(insert name of local unlikeable idiot)’ doing maths

“He was sweating like (insert fat bastards/bitchs name) in a fast food Restaurant”

If a player is hiding in a match and failing to put any real effort in:

‘He’s been posted missing like Trevor Deely at a work Christmas party.’

‘as inbred as your average person from Leitrim.’

Just after seeing this - had to reply

‘as abused as a lad from Wexford.’

As black as the Ace-Of-Spades!

Can you bring your gloves for me if you can get your hands on them?

If someone asks you are you busy:

‘I’m flat out, like a whore on a bank holiday’

Is this an analogy or is this a pun?

Oh drat, It’s a pun. Seems I made a poor fist of that analogy.

It’s not a pun either I’m afraid.

Now I’m not one for pointing the finger, but I think Farmer should be able to explain where I’ve gone wrong.

‘As hapless as Farmer trying to make a pun.’

That fooking stinks like a tony romos dick

Only copped that now.

I had erased that line from my memory.

The shots being thrown out in this thread are as cheap as Bandage’s sister.

[quote=“farmerinthecity”]Only copped that now.

I had erased that line from my memory.

The shots being thrown out in this thread are as cheap as Bandage’s sister.[/quote]

And the big man hits back like Tina Turner in an abusive marriage.

[quote=“farmerinthecity”]Only copped that now.

I had erased that line from my memory.

The shots being thrown out in this thread are as cheap as Bandage’s sister.[/quote]

Good stuff Farmer. At least you know what an analogy is.

He was sweatin like a Pedo in a Barney suit