Cracking story Puke.
Take a bow son!
i have plenty more stories/yarns of my/my friends drunken debauchery …i shall share them out over the duration of my time here like manna from heaven…
Bit of brown paper bag value there!
Yeah - good one.
The biggest compliment I can pay you is that it was almost like Jugs himself tellng it.
you ever going to tell the story locke…
I forgot about it Puke. Nowhere near as good as yours but here goes.
It was Sept 1996 and Lockes first time on a plane. Over to London, first time there too. The brother used to live in Hamel Hampstead, lovely part of the UK’s capital. I was over to see Wham play the Dons in Upton park, obviously my first time seeing my beloved Claret and Blues. Lost the game 0-2 but saw Vinny Jones and Julian Dicks on the same pitch. We did a tour of the old Wembley stadium the day before and to be honest Upton Park for me was 10 times better. And the Old main stand was up at the time, right touch!
I digress. Hammers lose the game and me and bro Locke go on the lock. He told me that I should note the jeans I was wearing and be sure I had no problems barfing up on them at a later stage; wise words that still come to mind before a major session. If I recall I had a nice enough shirt on me, jeans and puma trainers, the ones like converse but not in boot form; real mid 90’s stuff, well into my Pulp etc (dyed my hair bleach blonde the summer before, I cringe at the thought of it…). I rem I was wearing white sock, as I’ll come back to later but it was okay coz blue jeans, trainers; acceptable. Rakes of drink in some pub somewhere, can’t remember, only we were drinking Carlsberg export and the bouncers fooked myself, the bro and two of his friends out right on the button of closing time, something I couldn’t get my head around. We went onto the Mean Fiddler afterwards, Locke in there, bustin 360’s all over the shop, off my bosca at this stage. Got chatting to a nurse from Galway. Nice looking bird, bobbed dark brown hair, straight, nice tats, sweet rear. She must have been out of it too but she agreed to bring me back to her flat. I half told the bro where I was going and he said I’ll be fine, that I’d make my way back no bother.
Back to her place. She goes into the bathroom, gets herself ready. I throw the clothes off me sort of like Jim Carey in Bruce Almighty. But the puma runners were mank! Sweet Jesus the smell off of them. But the strategy was, coz this is something I and others had come across before, you put them in the far off corner in relation to the bed and stuff your clothes ontop of them, problem solved. So she comes out of the bathroom and I’m in the (single) bed waiting. She noted a strange wang coming from the corner but I suppose she wanted her herbie hide so didn’t dwell on it. Things get hot and heavy, I’m asked if I have a condom with me, bright boy that I am I say I do, but it’s in the wallet thats in my jeans, thats covering the smell from my rank runners, that are on the far side of the room. This is where the Monkey walk comes in… It’s where you have to walk across a room with the horn burstin off of you, you don’t quite know the girl so you’re not going to strut your stuff, so you kind of hunch over, walking sideways if anything, grab the johnny and do the same back: The monkey walk!
Sunk an easy pink after attempting a difficult brown that night, can’t rem her name, woke up late, missed my flight back to Dublin but sure it was all worth it…
top notch…just happen to stumble across this thread again in my boredom and said i would ask for the sake of it…
I have been roped into one of these later this evening. I am not best pleased about it but given that he hasn’t dropped a nut since arriving over last summer I said I’d do wingman duties to help the lad out*.
Technically it isn’t a blind date as I met yourone last week but cannot recall much about her.
I will keep the forum posted as to how the night goes
- also from what I recall his one was a beast so I can get a bit of mileage out os slagging him over it
Did you “meet” meet your one last week or just encounter and probably abuse her while rotten
I believe the technical term in East Clare is called a fondy. I also gave her my socks but it is a long story. I remember little of the encourter but she was relatively tidy from what I recall.
First time i read that, great story chewy.
R-U-F-F.
Made my excuses and bailed on my man about midnight and headed to the casino. His one was made for oats and he still managed to fuck it up and was home before me :lol:
:lol:
What sort of tard is this guy?
He is a quite sort from a farming background. What made it all the funnier is that he is stone mad about yourone yet every time she would go to the bathroom or whatever he would turn around to me and say something like “she isn’t great is she” or “sure all I want is the ride” trying to play it cool and let on that he isn’t too pushed.
They brought us to the roughest pub in the city centre and they went onto the roughest nightclub after I left. I’d say she was a right dirty bitch but he had no idea how to close the deal
Your wan might have been a maggot but sure whod have known? Better than the casino and a wank surely
The friend was I was supposed to plamause had ideas well above her station and they were both complete chavs. I wasn’t going out of my way to entertain her