Blind Dates

Has anyone ever been on one of these? I ask because Farmer mentioned it on the ‘Irish Rugby’s Playing Base’ thread and I felt we shouldn’t hijack that discussion but instead talk about it here. Basically, a few of us were down in the pub on Saturday evening and these two lads came in and sat down at the table across from us - one was from Dublin and the other a Munster lad based on his accent and interest in their rugby match. Anyway, they had a few drinks and after a while these two scantily clad skanks came in and joined them.

One of the birds was visibly steaming drunk as she arrived over to the table and it was only about 6.30pm. You could tell by her eyes and the fact she stumbled into a stool on her way over to the lads and because her first comment was something like, ‘I took a fookin’ hour to get ready and she only took 10 minutes and look how fookin’ stunnnin’ she is’ and that was even before the introductions took place. We were wondering what the story was for a while but it soon became apparent that the Dublin guy was seeing the less drunk skank and the plan was for his mate to hook up with his bird’s mate.

But the skank was absolutely in bits and her speech was slurring and her eyes were rolling around in her head as if she was completely out of it. Jugs text me and went, ‘Is she a scumbag, disabled, really hammered or all of the above?’ She was literally that drunk. She was still dragging herself out for the odd cigarette and swaying all over the place and walking into tables and stuff but she was rotten drunk.

Her potential blind date obviously realised this and felt more than a bit awkward and any time the birds were outside he was whingeing to his mate about her and how they had to get rid of her and get her home or stop ordering her alcohol at least. His mate was giving it the whole, ‘It’s Saturday night - let’s just have a good time’ as he didn’t want to offend his bird (the skank’s friend) and missing out on getting his nat king later on but the other lad said, ‘Come on - I’m 40 now and I’m not doing this shit anymore!’

However, as the night progressed the bird had gotten into an embarrassingly drunk state and the Munster guy was adamant they should leave but his mate was still having none of it. He said to him that it was the Munster man’s round and he could either go up and get a round in for the table or leave. Eventually after a few words (in front of the two birds) he decided he’d get the drinks in and he asked the skank what she wanted. Her reply was classic, ‘A pint of Bulmer’s and a Jager Bomb’.

Yer man looked at his mate and then even over at us with a big incredulous head on him and went, ‘Is there anything else you want? A 4-bed house in Dublin 4 maybe?’ but your wan was too drunk to even notice he was sniping at her. So he arrived back with 4 pints and a round of Jager Bombs for the table too only for the skank to knock over a selection of all the drinks as she leaned over to pick up a glass. Munster Man started shouting, ‘46.50 for the round. 46.50 and look at it - I’m out of here. Fook this.’ And he pretty much said a frosty goodbye and stormed out.

The skank was there to the other two, ‘What’s his fookin’ problem?’ and then staggered into the bathroom where she was left unattended by her female mate for about half an hour. The couple then began to talk about what had happened and yer man said to his bird that they’d have to bring her back to her house as she was in no state to be left on her own. (We were thinking ‘no shit’.) Then yer man came up with the killer line, ‘We’ll go back to her house with her and she’ll be comatose straight away so we can have a right little session there ourselves.’

So his bird agreed and went into the ladies’ and the two of them more or less carried the skank out of the pub. 'Twas classic family entertainment.

had one alright. Mate had met this bird the week before, and was texting her all week and they arranged to meet up the following weekend. So he asked would I head out with him as he didnt really want to be there on his own in the pub for a first ‘date’, too easy for the conversation to go dead etc as he’d be a quiet enough lad.

I was a bit aprehensive at first, as I had boned a friend of his bird who was with her on the first night, and she had texted me a bit about meeting up again sometime. I wasnt pushed, as I’d broke up with a long term girlfriend and just wanted to whore around for a while, no questions asked. Anyway, said I’d go with my mate out, and he said there would be a friend with yer one. I said wouldnt it be a bit awkward if I went off with another friend within 2 weeks? He didnt mind, and his bird didnt, so I didnt.

She was alright too, so wasnt disappointed, no drunkenness like Bandage saw. Anyway, did the deed and fun was had by all (ie. me). So I thought that would be it, as the mates bird and her friends were from the wesht and werent in Dublin too often. But, he kept texting her, and she invited him, me and another lad up for her 21st in Leitrim about 2 weeks later.

I thought now it would be a bit weird, having boned 2 random girls, but who were best friends, within a week. and of course, as I walk into the pub, the 2 of them are sitting beside each other. They both had been texting me during the week, and I wasnt sure what to do, so I kept texting them both back and thought I’d make my mind up when I got there.

Anyway, I decided not to bother with either (they didnt look as good when completely sober), and I ended up getting off with another one of the firends at the 21st! Was great craic, and she was a belter! T’was right craic for the few weeks!

Good story.

May I ask for a town and a possible name for some of these easy Leitrim birds for future reference…

Good story Gman. But come on, 3 decent looking birds from Leitrim - you hardly expect us to believe that.

the first one wasnt great in fairness, the blind date one was alright, and the other one was from Roscommon, and in fairness, she was a cracker. If the other 2 were compared to her, they werent up to much, so cant really admit to 3 good looking women from Leitrim, rather one alright one and one stunner from Ros!

T’was in Carrick we were too, and ended up in that big nightclub place just outside the town, cant remember the name of it tho.

Cartown rings a bell tho, or something to that effect?

It wasn’t a blind date, more I was nearly blind drunk and scored with a bird. Got her number and rang her (no mobiles back then, her mother had to put me onto her) just to see what she looked like. Met her a few times after that but it all came to nothing.

generally any time i meet a bird again after scoring her in coppers its a blind date cos i have no idea what she looks (looked) like. This has only ended well once (the most recent one as i’m still banging her) but that’s not to say its a good thing as she aint pretty

wouldnt call it a blind date but when i came back from a 2 week piss up in santa ponsa decided to stay on the beer for the next 2 days(glutten that i am) but still being in holiday mode and the bullshit flowing out through me i proceeded to try and chat up every female in the icon(nightclub in limerick,decent spot by the way) met one out in the smokin area and exchanged phone numbers…got a text the next day off her…the memory wasnt the best but sure text her back…had to ask her her name again and other details i had forgotte…to make a long story short she had a body like baywatch and a head like crime watch…

Puke, I don’t mean to pry and forgive me if this is in bad taste: did you get to rattle her out of it?

for about 6 weeks after…til she tried to get serious on me…in fairness she was some goer…i have a fair yarn that i will post up 2moro if if eel like it as its funny yet people on this forum might not look at me the same(in an internet sense that is) after it…

Is it linked to your username in any way?!

in a word yes…

i shall give you the long version of the night i met this one on our so call blind date…sure she was only a slip of a young woman and sure i was full sure that if i pumped her with 7 or 8 drinks i would be guarenteed to be pumping her in other ways later…what i didnt know but found out a few weeks later was that her father was a full blown alcoholic who she hadnt talked to in years but she sure had gotten daddys genes when it came to drink…as they say out my way an ounce of breeding is better than a tonnes of feeding…
she was drinking bottles of wkd to my pints of heineken and sure i must have had at least 10 pints followed by a feed of volvo and red bull she was still some how standing and fair play to her she was calling her round as well…

but then the night club ended and i casually mentioned we should go back to her place…she proceeded to tell me she doesnt put out on the first date or take guys home but using a sure fire technique i picked up in college i played it cool and persevered and told her that she had he all wrong and all i wanted was a cup of tea and maybe a slice of toast then a kiss and a cuddle and i would be happy…she took the bait like they all do…

got back to hers after the tea and toast we ventured up the stairs to bed and sure we were at whatever when i said i would chance the arm otherwise nothing was goin to happen otherwise…so i asked her as subtley as i could after a night on the beer for a blowjob sure she obliged…she went out after it and washed her mouth out and came back in and told me twas her turn for a bit of tongue action and sure being the young gentleman that i am i wouldnt see her stuck…sure finished that job and knew i was on for oats but remembered that she had gone out and washed her mouth i said i would do the same not to look like a sick fook…

got to the bathroom and sure i was in a drunken horny disorientated state couldnt see any mouth wash so i said a bit of tooth paste and water would do the same job…looking round i saw a toothpaste shaped container which said fixadent on it and of course not thinking or realising that fixodent is denture adhesive i began pouring a job lot of it into my gob impatient to get back into the bedroom to finish the job…twas only when i added water did i realise my mistake when the taste hit home first then the hardness…tasted like that stuff the dentist uses to take impressions of your teeth with…ended up getting sick for about 5 minutes when i returned to the bedroom the mood had been well and truly killed but in fairness she saw the funny side to it…turned out the fixodent belonged to some auld one who was renting the house before her…

i have beared my shame now for ye all to see…although tis an anicdote that most lads that know me can varify…

Classic stuff Puke, classic stuff!!!

They can verify it? Were they in the room at the time or perving through the window or something?

I have story and it involves smelly feet and the monkey walk. I don’t have time today to type it out and in fairness I’m not going to top Pukes story but if I get a minute I’ll throw it down for you boys

no but i told them and of course the one night they met her it was more or less the first thing they asked her…sure i have no shame i would have a wank at a wedding…

Good stuff Puke - I love a good old-fashioned romantic tale!

Thats what I like to hear. A punter that does his own thing

here here!