Has anyone ever been on one of these? I ask because Farmer mentioned it on the ‘Irish Rugby’s Playing Base’ thread and I felt we shouldn’t hijack that discussion but instead talk about it here. Basically, a few of us were down in the pub on Saturday evening and these two lads came in and sat down at the table across from us - one was from Dublin and the other a Munster lad based on his accent and interest in their rugby match. Anyway, they had a few drinks and after a while these two scantily clad skanks came in and joined them.
One of the birds was visibly steaming drunk as she arrived over to the table and it was only about 6.30pm. You could tell by her eyes and the fact she stumbled into a stool on her way over to the lads and because her first comment was something like, ‘I took a fookin’ hour to get ready and she only took 10 minutes and look how fookin’ stunnnin’ she is’ and that was even before the introductions took place. We were wondering what the story was for a while but it soon became apparent that the Dublin guy was seeing the less drunk skank and the plan was for his mate to hook up with his bird’s mate.
But the skank was absolutely in bits and her speech was slurring and her eyes were rolling around in her head as if she was completely out of it. Jugs text me and went, ‘Is she a scumbag, disabled, really hammered or all of the above?’ She was literally that drunk. She was still dragging herself out for the odd cigarette and swaying all over the place and walking into tables and stuff but she was rotten drunk.
Her potential blind date obviously realised this and felt more than a bit awkward and any time the birds were outside he was whingeing to his mate about her and how they had to get rid of her and get her home or stop ordering her alcohol at least. His mate was giving it the whole, ‘It’s Saturday night - let’s just have a good time’ as he didn’t want to offend his bird (the skank’s friend) and missing out on getting his nat king later on but the other lad said, ‘Come on - I’m 40 now and I’m not doing this shit anymore!’
However, as the night progressed the bird had gotten into an embarrassingly drunk state and the Munster guy was adamant they should leave but his mate was still having none of it. He said to him that it was the Munster man’s round and he could either go up and get a round in for the table or leave. Eventually after a few words (in front of the two birds) he decided he’d get the drinks in and he asked the skank what she wanted. Her reply was classic, ‘A pint of Bulmer’s and a Jager Bomb’.
Yer man looked at his mate and then even over at us with a big incredulous head on him and went, ‘Is there anything else you want? A 4-bed house in Dublin 4 maybe?’ but your wan was too drunk to even notice he was sniping at her. So he arrived back with 4 pints and a round of Jager Bombs for the table too only for the skank to knock over a selection of all the drinks as she leaned over to pick up a glass. Munster Man started shouting, ‘46.50 for the round. 46.50 and look at it - I’m out of here. Fook this.’ And he pretty much said a frosty goodbye and stormed out.
The skank was there to the other two, ‘What’s his fookin’ problem?’ and then staggered into the bathroom where she was left unattended by her female mate for about half an hour. The couple then began to talk about what had happened and yer man said to his bird that they’d have to bring her back to her house as she was in no state to be left on her own. (We were thinking ‘no shit’.) Then yer man came up with the killer line, ‘We’ll go back to her house with her and she’ll be comatose straight away so we can have a right little session there ourselves.’
So his bird agreed and went into the ladies’ and the two of them more or less carried the skank out of the pub. 'Twas classic family entertainment.