Bluffer's Guide to European Football - 1st/2nd March

[ATTACH=full]1982[/ATTACH]

With the eyes of the world firmly fixed on the Capital One Cup Final and the Crimean Crisis, it’s hard to know why the powers that be even bothered scheduling fixtures across Europe this weekend. But the games went ahead and this is your guide to feigning knowledge on football outside these islands.

France

Let’s get France out of the way first. The highlight of the weekend’s fixtures in Ligue Un was undoubtedly Le Classique (That name just sounds so false) on Sunday evening. The showpiece fixture of French football was rendered a touch irrelevant however, thanks to the aristocrats of Monaco meekly surrendering to blue collar Saint Etienne on Saturday afternoon. Fabien Lemoine got a cracker from 30 yards to open the scoring in that encounter before Subasic (he’s the Monaco goalkeeper) made a mess of a straightforward shot from Hamouma to virtually concede the title. That left PSG five points clear of Monaco with a game in hand and the big game against Marseille took on more of a celebratory feel than an actual derby.

To be fair it was a decent enough first half, ruined by my flicking to the Milan-Juventus and Barcelona-Almeria games[SIZE=3]B[/B][/SIZE] and by the nonsense spouted by Clive Allen in co-commentarySIZE=3[/SIZE]. Marseille never really created (m)any chances but they were certainly physically competitive with PSG for the first half, Gignac in particular was happy to bundle into the centre backs any time the ball was within 20 metres. The Parisians slowly began to dominate in midfield with Verratti particularly impressive in a holding role and Lucas Moura dazzling in front. While Lavezzi was wasteful in the first half, the home side were more clinical after the break. A reverse pass from Zlatan played Maxwell in on goal and the full back finished impressively. Cavani made a return from injury for the last 20 minutes or so and sealed the win with a textbook header to finish off a terrific move involving Verratti and Van Der Wiel.

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PSG are now 8 points clear of Monaco with 11 games remaining. The only relevant battles remaining are probably at the other end of the table but does anyone really care which 2 of Evian, Valenciennes and Sochaux get relegated?

SIZE=2That statement is not solely intended to boast of my broad football outlook, but also to hint at a comfortable standard of living that would afford me access to ESPN, Sky Sports and Setanta.

(2)Sample quotes from Clive: “Cabaye is on the bench but he will be better prepared for this fixture than most, having played in a Sunderland – Newcastle derby.” “Gignac really is a bruiser. I think he could do well at Fulham who have been looking for a striker for years.” “Marseille are a little like Southampton. They started well but they’re up against quality here to be fair.”[/SIZE]

Germany

Bayern won. This time it was 5-1. Schalke were their unfortunate opponents this week. Fresh from a humiliation against Real Madrid in midweek, the Gelsenkirchen side managed to hold out for 3 minutes before a David Alaba free kick was deflected home. That piece of bad luck might have ruined another team but Schalke found a new resolve after conceding so early and it was a further 12 minutes before Robben made it 2-0. Mandzukic and Robben (again) scored before the interval and the 4-0 scoreline at the break was probably flattering to Schalke. The second half was probably a more even affair but I missed most of it cooking dinner as my wife was in town. Schalke pulled one back thanks to a Rafinha og (which I saw but can’t recall at all) before Robben completed his hat trick with an emphatic penalty after Mandzukic was (barely) nudged as he prepared to shoot late on.

The first half hour or so was breathtakingly impressive from the European champions. Philip Lahm was out (injured presumably) so Guardiola went with the awesomely impressive midfield trio of Schweinsteiger/Kroos/Thiago and they dominated possession and the pace of the game from the first whistle. Kevin Prince Boateng was as much a spectator in opposition as he was at the San Siro last nightSIZE=2[/SIZE] and Leon Goretzka looked a traumatised figure when he was replaced after half an hour, utterly bemused by the fact he couldn’t get near the ball.

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The jostling for second place took a predictable turn at the weekend with that Schalke defeat and Leverkusen losing at home to Mainz. That was a fifth successive defeat for Bayer and their next three games are away to Hannover, then PSG and then Bayern. It’s hard to see them turning their form around any time soon.

Borussia Dortmund took advantage of those defeats, and put last week’s nightmare in Hamburg behind them, with a comprehensive 3-0 win over Nurnberg. Hummels returned to the Dortmund side after his latest injury and he opened the scoring after the break, with Lewandowski and Mkhitaryan finishing the job. That win moves Borussia into second place, two ahead of Leverkusen and four ahead of Schalke. Despite a very indifferent season thus far, it would be hard to make a convincing case against Dortmund finishing second in the league, which must privately have been a depressingly realistic aim pre-season.

Eintracht Frankfurt suffered a heartbreaking Europa League elimination on away goals at the hands of Porto in midweek, but recovered impressively from that result and from trailing 0-1 to Stuttgart to score twice in the last 10 minutes and give themselves a sporting chance of survival. That win doesn’t lift them off the bottom but they now trail the next 3 clubs by only 3 points. I’ve just noticed that Stuttgart are actually one of those clubs so this was a real 6-pointer. Had Stuttgart held on to their lead they would now be 9 points clear of Frankfurt. Take away the 6 points for a win in a relegation battle and that gap is now a precarious 3.

Hamburg and Freiburg are the other clubs making up that trio on 19 points. Freiburg played out a scoreless draw in Berlin on Friday night, while Hamburg’s rejuvenation last week was short-lived: they lost 1-0 at rivals Werder Bremen in yet another 6 pointer – they could have been level on 22 points after the weekend, but the 6 point chasm between them looks daunting for a side that have only won 5 games this season.

SIZE=2Joke stolen from the wonderful [U]Will Downing[/U] on Setanta[/SIZE]

Spain

After a handful of boring games on Saturday, the biggest game in Europe (apart from the aforementioned Capital One Cup Final) took place on Sunday afternoon in Madrid. Real took their 3 point advantage across the city and played out a thrilling 2-2 draw with Atletico which both sides will claim they could and should have won but only Atletico will really mean that.

The visitors went in front early on through Benzema and at that stage you could be forgiven for thinking that Atletico’s recently faltering title challenge was done and dusted. But Diego Simeone’s men responded very impressively. Arda Turan carved out a great chance for Koke who levelled the match and just before the break Atletico managed to take the lead – Gabi firing home from 30 yards after a free kick was rolled square to him. Real responded well to falling behind but an equaliser looked far from inevitable until Ronaldo turned home a bobbling cross that Bale couldn’t quite control.

Whatever about the balance of chances, Atletico will feel more than a little aggrieved at some of the officiating and playacting that went on. Diego Costa was denied a stonewall penalty early on when tripped by Ramos, the referee’s only action being a yellow card for Arda Turan whose reaction was beautifully stereotypically Turkish. Pepe won himself no new fans outside of his Real fanbase with a horrible dive during a heated argument in the penalty area. It’s hard not to sound like an insufferably sanctimonious and preachy rugby supporter when talking about diving in soccer matches, but inventing a headbutt when there hasn’t been one, is a fairly pathetic act.

The “experts” were saying that result will have pleased Barcelona, with both their rivals dropping pointsSIZE=3[/SIZE], but I’m fairly sure Barca would have preferred Atletico to win and a recreation of that 3-way tie at the top of the table. A draw would have been far from unpalatable however and the narrowing of the gap seemed to inspire the Catalans to a quickfire start last night. They took 9 minutes to open the scoring through Alexis Sanchez who tapped in from close range and 15 minutes later Messi curled home a delightful free kick from 25 yards to double their advantage.

Then they stopped playing curiously. A free kick from way out near the touchline was touched over the bar by Valdes who seemed jolted into life by the incident and rushed off his line to claim the resultant corner. In his haste he badly misjudged the flight of the ball, as did Puyol, and some centre back (presumably, he looked a biggish lad) from Almeria was on hand to poke home.

In years gone by that sort of concession would have prompted a counterpunch by Barcelona but they were really slow to respond to the threat. A couple of flurries from Neymar on the flank aside, they lacked any sort of cutting edge for the next hour or so, and their defending looked wayward and uncertain when dealing with any sort of movement from the opposition. With a little under 10 minutes to go, Puyol did manage to put the game to bed, volleying home a rebound after Messi’s header had come back off the bar. And Xavi added the final touch late on with a curling effort that made the scoreline far more impressive than the performance. Real Madrid lead Barcelona by 1 point, with Atletico a further 2 behind. Woof.

SIZE=2I didn’t see anyone making this point, but I didn’t look for any either. You can call it a white lie.[/SIZE]

Italy

Like France, Germany and Scotland the Italian top flight is done and dusted. Roma hosted Inter on Saturday evening and played out a scoreless draw. They were marginally the better team (on the basis of the almost 3 minutes of highlights I watchedSIZE=3[/SIZE]) but couldn’t press home their advantage through a few half chances.

Juventus had the opportunity to extend their lead to 9 points (albeit with an extra game played) if they could win in Milan on Sunday evening. They came up against a home side determined to be no pushovers and Pazzini and Kaka had opportunities to give Milan a deserved early advantage but couldn’t capitalise. The inevitable sucker punch arrived just before the interval, Lichtsteiner cutting a ball back for Llorente to steer home unchallenged from 6 yards. The match was a more even contest thereafter but Juventus proved their more clinical qualities once again with 20 minutes remaining when Tevez fired home a rocket from outside the area to put the game beyond Milan’s reach. Barcelona won well last night without playing well, and looked fragile and unconvincing as a result. Juventus managed much the same feat and looked like classy champions elect.

SIZE=2This is 3 minutes more research than most of these matches involved.[/SIZE]

Turkey

Just one week on from making its inaugural Bluffer’s Guide appearance, the Turkish Super Lig served up a bland concoction of unappetising matches this weekend. Besiktas drew 0-0 on Friday night, Fenerbahce won 2-0 thanks to a double from Emre – the game was more memorable for a painful stamp suffered by Dirk Kuyt. And Galatasaray slumped to a 1-1 draw against lowly (I’m guessing here) Caykur Rizespor. Fenerbahce lead the title race by a somewhat assailable 6 points. Boring.

Enjoyable read, @Rocko.

Daniele De Rossi was caught punching Icardi off the ball the other night. He was left out of Prandelli’s Italian squad as a result for breaching their code of ethics and now faces a lengthy domestic ban.

Miralem Pjanic was pictured watching the PSG game from the stand last night. He better not be angling for a move behind the scenes. It could explain why Rudi Garcia has left him out of the starting lineup lately [even though he’s a class act].

Can’t wait for the Israeli league update from Mickee.

@Rocko is some fucking football snob.

Are PSG good enough to win the Champions League this season , chaps?

Sirigu;
van der Wiel, Alex, Thiago Silva, Maxwell;
Matuidi, Verratti, Thiago Motta;
Lucas Moura, Zlatan, Lavezzi.

Marquinhos, Cabaye, Menez, Pastore, Cavani et al too.

They have a terrific squad without any serious weaknesses. Maxwell isn’t a brilliant full back but nor are Arbeloa, Adriano or Rafinha.

ill try and get to it at 4am when im woken again to feed my son with baby formula , that’s 2am GMT, (we’re two hours ahead here @Mac)

here are classified results regardless

Beitar Jerusalem 2 SC Ashdod 0
Hapoel Tel Aviv 1 Hapoel Ironi Kiryatt Shmona 1
Bnei Yehuda Tel Aviv 0 Ironi Nir Ramat Hasharon 1
Hapoel Haifa 2 Bnei Saknin 0
Hapeol Akko 1 Maccabu Haifa 1
Hapoel Raa’anna 0 Maccabi Tel Aviv 2
Maccabi Petk Tikwa 1 Hapoel Be’er Sheva 3

Looks as though Carlos Puyol will leave Barcelona in the summer.

[QUOTE=“Bandage, post: 911550, member: 9”]Enjoyable read, @Rocko.

Daniele De Rossi was caught punching Icardi off the ball the other night. He was left out of Prandelli’s Italian squad as a result for breaching their code of ethics and now faces a lengthy domestic ban.

Miralem Pjanic was pictured watching the PSG game from the stand last night. He better not be angling for a move behind the scenes. It could explain why Rudi Garcia has left him out of the starting lineup lately [even though he’s a class act].[/QUOTE]

Chiellini has been given a three game ban for his elbow on Pjanic in Sunday’s game. Prandelli has absolved him of any blame, which makes a mockery of his code of ethics. De Rossi and Destro have fallen foul in recent times of this rule but others like Balotelli and Chiellini escape despite breaching the same rules. The code of ethics are ridiculous in my opinion as they are not going to be applied universally, Chiellini is a vital player for Italy and Prandelli has bent his own rules so that he can include him in his squad. I have no problem with Prandelli including Chiellini, I don’t have a problem with the double standards that he has invoked on other players.

[QUOTE=“mickee321, post: 911652, member: 367”]ill try and get to it at 4am when im woken again to feed my son with baby formula , that’s 2am GMT, (we’re two hours ahead here @Mac)

here are classified results regardless

Beitar Jerusalem 2 SC Ashdod 0
Hapoel Tel Aviv 1 Hapoel Ironi Kiryatt Shmona 1
Bnei Yehuda Tel Aviv 0 Ironi Nir Ramat Hasharon 1
Hapoel Haifa 2 Bnei Saknin 0
Hapeol Akko 1 Maccabu Haifa 1
Hapoel Raa’anna 0 Maccabi Tel Aviv 2
Maccabi Petk Tikwa 1 Hapoel Be’er Sheva 3[/QUOTE]
where is mac

2 hours behind mickee

I’m here Joe, what’s up?