That’s like an absurd Seán Lock aside on 10 Cats Does Countdown from 2019. I was tickled by the last line - what a cliffhanger. Roll on the next series.
That i installed a darts board in the kitchen, a cheap one at that, and was practicing by throwing forks at it with Phil Taylor
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Last night Roy Keane and Peter Schmeichel were having an argument on my stairs. Keane made some very cutting remarks which angered Schmeichel greatly. Keane was chuckling to himself at how wound up Schmeichel was.
I then intervened pretending to be a peacemaker on Schmeichel’s side but then turned heel on him and took Keane’s side and made some even more cutting remarks about him having a ruddy face and told him to lose some weight because he was a fat cunt.
Schmeichel then ran off into the street roaring, wearing a Sugar Puffs Honey Monster costume with “SHARP” written on the front, and eating a pack of Danepak rashers, raw.
Myself and Keane then discussed the upcoming Cork v Limerick All-Ireland hurling semi-final. Keane expected Limerick would probably win in the end but expressed hope that Cork could do it. Keane asked me did I want to go for a pint and I agreed in the same manner Jimmy Sloyan agreed to go for a pint in one of his viral videos. Keane said he was limited to three pints as he had to drive up to the funeral of Tommie Gorman in the morning. We discussed Julian Assange’s recent court case in Saipan and Keane was explaining the ins and outs of the justice system on that island to me.
This dream reveals what we all knew about you anyway.
Go on…
Not a word of this is made up
So I met Chris “50 Cent” Jackson for a few pints in Tipp Town (pub not specified) and we’d a grand old night sipping Porter and telling all the old stories.
I get back to my hotel, which is a massive Hilton opposite the Tipp Town plaza near where Dealz is and go to sleep. I wake up and settle the bill and go to leave only to discover that my car, a big, fuck off, sporty BMW, is missing and has been stolen. I go to reception and they say we’ll have a look at the cameras, so I gowl around for a few mins and get a
cappuccino at the cafe.
I arrive back and reception says “yeah we’ve a still on the car being stolen” and they show it to me. It’s your man Nick Nack from The Man With The Golden Gun. I’m fuming so I call the guards and then decide to walk home (home, for some reason, is Oola in this dream).
As I’m walking and filling out the fiddly online form with the insurance company, I stumble upon a far-right march, and pass a few lads I know. I ask them what they are at going to one of these but they get really angry and we have a massive argument. I decide “fuck this, I’m outnumbered” so I duck into a (fictional) Supermacs in Monard and head up to the (also fictional) upstairs bit of it.
As I’m eating my taco chips I notice a fella I used to go to school with standing at the door with another lad. One has a shotgun, the other has a rifle. The lad I went to school with says “remember me (my surname)” and fires the shotgun at my leg, grazing my shin. Somehow I remain standing until your man with the rifle also fires, kneecapping me on the opposite leg. I fall to the ground in agony.
The rest of the dream is me arguing, via text, with the insurance company about the engine size of my car.
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How in Gods name did you stay asleep after being shot in the leg?? That’d be the end of it for me.
When things get too fucked up I wake myself up from it
I may have woke and then fallen back asleep and the dream continued
The car could be a metaphor for your heart?
Surely you met in the club?
I feel that this dream signifies that you are politically confused and are subconsciously trying to overcome cognitive dissonances you may have as regards politics.
50 Cent is a metaphor for the asylum seekers who are supposed to be moving into Dundrum. You meeting up with him and having pints and craic with him symbolises that in your heart of hearts you sympathise with the asylum seekers and feel there isn’t much to be afraid of from them.
The car being stolen is your hatred for the Green Party coming out. But you can work through that and you walking home shows that the Green agenda isn’t all bad. Your problems with the insurance is a demonstration that driving can be more hassle than it’s worth. It’s symbolic of your hatred for the form filling that has come to dominate modern life and a longing for informality and simplicity. The wholesome, simple life.
You passing the far right march and them shooting you is symbolic of you coming to accept that everything I say about the far right is true.
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That’s one way of looking at it
Driving is a frequent dream by people who are lacking direction or feel they are not in control of their life… The fact your car was stolen certainly would suggest you are at some cross roads about the direction your life is heading… It seems your past is tied in with negativity given some of the characters from your past that appeared in your dream… But guns are also phallic symbols and can represent power … here we have some one shooting you twice… Do you feel weak or emasculated currently and maybe you don’t feel as powerful as you did years ago.
You took the two bullets like a champ so keep the chin up bud. You’re stronger than you know.
This is an anti-Tipp dream, plain and simple.
Everything bad happens to you in Tipp and you’re struggling to get back to your nearest port of home, Oola.
My advice would be to stop watching the Two Johnnies.
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I have a recurring dream where I’m out playing golf but can mever get my tee shot away for a variety of reasons from being able to tee it up properly to not being able to swing the club because of some obstruction. There’s a massive queue building up so I’ve no choice but to hit it and make an absolute bollox out of it and they all laugh at me.
Are you sure its a dream?
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Certain cos I’m confident of hitting a good drive.
That’s what i thought. It’s probably juat a simple case of chronic erectile dysfunction
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Try a driving iron
Great to see your sleeping chief