Drunk Talk

Me and Bandage whilst talking to two absolute stunners(!) in the 51 last night

Girls ‘How do ye know each other?’
Bandage ‘We don’t. We met on the internet. This is our first face to face meeting’
Me ‘Hey you told me you were fourteen…’

Proud of that

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I’m ashamed of you young man,what will the family think? Where did that brother of yours get off to?

He disappeared - as he tends to do

Its been a problem that I’ve had with him for years. You should have stayed and looked after him - but you never do. Its always left up to me

(for others not in the 51 last night we told one of the aforementioned stunners that me and Ball Ox were brothers and that I had raised him. Flano was our adopted brother but we didnt get on with him. She actually fell for it as well)

A slight problem we ran into was when the other aforementioned stunner :o was told i was the uncle, thought we we’re going to be rumbled at that stage.

“Daddy never wanted me, mammy forced him into adopting me” ;D

Text my boss on Friday while he was standing about ten feet way and said:

Here Hu$h, what’s the story with the really tight jeans? Are you a gay?

About ten minutes later he took out his phone, looked over and laughed. Then he started texting, at which point I text him again saying:

You text slow gay.

He’s pissed off with me today.

Bird in the pub the other night: ‘How many people have you tried to chat up tonight?’

Me: ‘Twelve. Seven if you count females only.’

Beat that farmer.

Farmer just said your bird was abhorrent.

A bird was it? Thanks for clearing that up sam, my information was that is was a 34 year old, referred to as “it”. Wasn’t quite sure of the sex of “it”.

Sam - heard you looked really well on Sat night, not well enough to follow up on Friday night though…

Schoolboy error.

Hah hahahahahaha