Fuck my life

www.fmylife.com

Anyone ever been on it. People tell stories about how shit their lives are. I think you might be supposed to feel sorry for them but its fair funny. Some of my favourites thus far

“Today, the guy I’ve been dating tells me that I need to stop hanging on him in public because it’s ruining his game with other girls. FML”

“Today, I was at the park with my new boyfriend. We were sitting between some trees, when some of his mates turned up at the park. He pushed me behind a tree so his mates wouldn’t see and went to join them in a game of football. He pretended not to know me. FML”

Today, I came home from a business trip, I walked in to the house to find my husband nowhere to be seen. I called out his name and he came round the corner saying “Coming baby.” When he came through the door he said “Oh it’s you…” FML

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend getting it on with the neighbour’s daughter. As soon as he saw me, he started singing ‘It Wasn’t Me’ by Shaggy, completely naked, still sitting with the girl. FML

Today, I told the guy I have been sort of dating that I want to connect emotionally before sleeping with him. He told me that he already had an emotional connection with his fiancee and was only interested in sleeping with me. FML

Today, I thought it would be sexy to surprise my boyfriend by hiding in the closet naked and pouncing on him as he came to get his pants. I never got to the pouncing. Apparently my boyfriend has heightened reflexes so instead I got slapped hard across the face. My ear is still ringing. FML

Its not all about men being cunts but they are the best ones :mad:

Just as I was about to be served by the hot Polish bird Julia in my local Eurospar, the dumb asian dude roared ‘Next’ at the other till so I had to go over to his till instead. FML

Today, I went on a blind date with a guy who talked about himself in the 3rd person. Seriously. FML

I wonder if she was on a date with the Rock?

Today, I went on a romantic date to the mountains to look a stars with a boy I had just met. We started kissing and he stopped, asking if it was rude for him to take me home now. After getting dropped off, he texted me saying we could never do that again and we should never talk about it. FML

She must be heinous.

Today, I called the company with whom I had a job interview last week, which I thought went great, but hadn’t heard back from. One of the interviewers claimed that I tried to grope her. FML

Deadly!

Today, my husband and I were in bed, and just as I was about to finish he screamed, “Oh shit! It’s 4:15, my strawberries are gonna whither!!!” and then jumped off me and went to check on his farm on FarmVille. An imaginary farm, on Facebook. FML

:wink:

[quote=“julio geordio”]today, i thought it would be sexy to surprise my boyfriend by hiding in the closet naked and pouncing on him as he came to get his pants. I never got to the pouncing. Apparently my boyfriend has heightened reflexes so instead i got slapped hard across the face. My ear is still ringing. Fml
[/quote]

:clap::d:d

(smilies don’t seem to be working …)

[quote=“Julio Geordio”]Today, my husband and I were in bed, and just as I was about to finish he screamed, “Oh shit! It’s 4:15, my strawberries are gonna whither!!!” and then jumped off me and went to check on his farm on FarmVille. An imaginary farm, on Facebook. FML

:clap:[/quote]

:D:D Sledge?!

I think so :thumbsup:

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years told me he had feelings for someone else. He also told me he wanted to continue dating me until things progressed further with the other woman. FML

Today, I was at a petting zoo with my boyfriend. A guy that worked there said he’d take a picture of me with a mouse on my head. He reassured me that this mouse was trained. I agreed. Once the mouse got on my head, it peed. Turns out the guy didn’t work there after all. FML

Today, I drove 600 miles to be with my boyfriend of two years for his uncle’s funeral. He didn’t want me to come because I am seven months pregnant and flying is dangerous in the third trimester. When I got there I don’t know who was more suprised to see me: him, his wife, or their kids. FML

Today, I confronted my boyfriend because I suspected he had been cheating. His reply? “Took you long enough to figure it out.” FML

Today, I went out to celebrate my birthday with a big group of friends. After waiting in line to get into a club, the bouncer looked me up and down and said, “No fat chicks.” My friends went into the club without me and left me to take a $100 taxi home alone. FML

:D:D

[quote=“Julio Geordio”]Today, I went out to celebrate my birthday with a big group of friends. After waiting in line to get into a club, the bouncer looked me up and down and said, “No fat chicks.” My friends went into the club without me and left me to take a $100 taxi home alone. FML
:D:D[/quote]

Lesson learned. She’ll celebrate her birthdays in the future with a group of big friends instead.

Was it really that much of a shock to her ? I don`t believe for 1 second the fat bitch has got this far in life without someone pointing out to her that she is the size of a whale already.

Attaboy Thrawneen. :clap:

Its her right to be fat. Just not in nightclubs.
http://www.wehaitians.com/demonizing_fat_1_a.jpg

I just bid for a silver christening spoon on ebay.

I now realise it is engraved with the name “Pericles”.

The kid I’m buying for is called Roisin.

Fuck my life.

Not a problem SS, all you have to do is find a continental beauty who will agree to naming your first child together “Pericles”.

[quote=“SHANNONSIDER, post: 379650”]I just bid for a silver christening spoon on ebay.

I now realise it is engraved with the name “Pericles”.

The kid I’m buying for is called Roisin.

Fuck my life. [/quote]

Fuck your life is right mate.