As the boys are tucked up in their bed (singular), for their flight tomorrow I’ll have a go at this match report thingy.
To start with the conditions were atrocious. Only Forest Gump could describe what rain fell, it was by the bucket load but most of all it was wet. Scrunchie brought a brolly, and was subjected to numerous Shteve McClaren jeers, but Bandage was glad of the temporary relief for his new hairdo.
Rocko turned up early in anticipation of this top of the table clash, arriving 55 minutes before kick-off to scribble a few notes for his pre-match speech. However the conditions immediately showed their teeth as the rain caused the writing to run and Rocko’s words were more of a mess than usual.
TFK brought a squad of 7 with Cesc4 still trying to prove himself to Rocko after being farmed out on loan in an attempt to recapture his form. The Huns, with an identical record of 9 wins and a draw, playing at home had a huge squad of 10. The game began with a kick-off.
The first 15 minutes were a cagey affair as both teams started cautiously, however it became apparent that TFK had a clear outlet in Monkey Allen, who was left one on one and was able to hold up the ball exceptionally well in the slippery conditions. And this tactic was to eventually pay off on the half hour as a Bandage clearance was held up by Monkey Allen who played it wide to Scrunchie. Scrunchie on hearing a shout, looked up to see the marauding Rocko, bustling through the middle like Jan Molby on Roller Skates. The pass was pin point and the shot from Rocko under extreme pressure was well saved by The Huns keeper*, but Monkey Allen, following up like all good glory hunters, was there to despatch the rebound. TFK controlled the remainder of the the first half with my personal highlight being a tackle by Jugs which dispatched ball and player into the netting.
The second half began with another kick-off and the game followed a similar pattern to the first. In fact I would say TFK were even in more control of the game. A plethora of chances were created but not taken, due in large part to the man of the match performance from the Huns keeper* who made amazing saves. The fact that he was built like a 2-seater couch from Harvey Norman’s, tending a goal the size of a 3-seater couch, was a big help. His legs were like an elephants - but we can’t and won’t confirm anything of his trunk - and he produced save after save. In all honesty Scrunchie, Rocko, Monkey & ClarkeyCat had chances to score to ease pressure but try as they might they couldn’t get it passed him, until…
Until, Monkey Allen received a raking ball from ClarkeyCat, and he played a defence splitting pass through to Scrunchie who stretched to divert the ball passed the keeper. Alas, Harvey Norman made another SAVE SAVE SAVE!! And boy did he celebrate. He leapt up and cheered himself in front of the home crowd. This was his downfall, as a quick thinking Monkey Allen spotted ClarkeyCat ghosting in from deep and laid the resultant corner to him. ClarkeyCat despatched with aplomb, a goal he later credited to his Will & Grace pre-match routine.
78 minutes on the clock and 2-0 to TFK in what could only be described as the most professional of performances, that is, if it were to end there…
Like a Jeffrey Archer novel, this was horribly written and was to have a twist in the tale. On 80 minutes TFK having spurned another chance, had a corner where the ball was lost and Mespil Huns countered with alarming efficiency. Farmer was caught 2 on 1 and there was little he or Bandage could do to stop them pulling one back. 2-1. Quite simply at 2-0 we shouldn’t have been susceptible to the break.
In the worsening conditions and throwing caution to the wind the Huns flooded the attack (flooded - see what I did there) in the hope to get an equaliser. They trusted their couch to keep TFK out at the other end which to date had proved sofa, so good. A visibly tiring TFK held out valiantly with Bandage making a few good saves and there numerous blocks and interceptions from all players. The last chance came deep into stoppage time when first Rocko and then Scrunchie made crucial tackles before a quick free was played to an unmarked Hun. TFK were slow to react and from the edge of the box he arced a shot into the corner. The home fans went wild. The final whistle followed yet another kick-off, and TFK, after a great away performance, left disappointed with the draw.
There was little banter afterwards as we were all very deflated by the manner of the result. The mid-season 2 week break seems like its coming at the right time and Rocko has organised for some of the players to have some R&R in Poland during this break. We can only hope that after this sabbatical we come back refreshed and ready to attack the run in, and we leave for foreign shores in the solace that we remain undefeated and still sit top of the League.
*their keeper wasn’t their usual keeper.