Have you ever soiled yourself as an adult?

[Bandage]

@caoimhaoin

Jesus Christ.

Ye do realise ye have major issues if you are “shitting yourself”.

It was a minor enough issue for me as I was close to my house, I had other suits and it was under the cover of darkness and with nobody else around.

dancingbaby on the other hand…

[caoimhaoin]

@The Puke

That’s a bit harsh kev, anyone can be caught short, no shame in it…I thankfully have never soiled myself as a adult but would have no qualms about dropping a log/scutter into a ditch on the way home from the pub whenn it has come to it

Thats slightly different from the stories above Puke.

I’m in shock.

Not very city slicker for lads to be shitting themselves.

[Sidney]

@caoimhaoin

Not very city slicker for lads to be shitting themselves.

His boxers were slicker after it happened though.

[fistoffury]

christ this is a new low.

[gola]

@sid waddell

His boxers were slicker after it happened though.

More shitty gicker than city slicker

[Robin_Hood]

@Robin Hood

I’m going to take that story and raise you.

The summer before I started commerce my mother packed me off to Boston for six weeks as part of an Iaci thing because I had got into a bit of trouble on holidays the year before with a few friends. Anyway this meant not only having to have classes and the like but also having to live with my aunt while I was there, kind of taking the fun out of the thought of going away for the summer.

Since I didn’t have any choice I decided to make the best of it and as soon as the classes started things were looking up cos there were quite a few decent american birds doing the course as well. Naturally, these girls or their parents obviously had a boner for the whole Irish thing so I thought I may be able to make a good summer of it yet. So one day, I was sitting in my chair waiting for this stupid Irish mythology thing to start and I’m trying to crack my back because they’re those really fucking uncomfortable plastic chairs, and this really hot girl in the class is looking over at me. So I like smile and she smiles back and it’s before the class so people are still talking and stuff, so she gets up and walks over to me. Now the closer she gets the more I notice how intimidatingly fucking hot she is and then she says ‘hi’ and I say ‘hi’ back and all I can think of to say is something about how hard the chairs are to sit on. She just kind of laughed and she offers to crack my back for me. That was fine by me since it’d break the excruciating silence so I stand up and she crosses her arms in front of me and stands behind me, and she sort of lifts me up against her and bounces me (best I can describe it).

Anyway it’s not working so she tries this huge bounce and something pops really loudly, and when she lets me down it’s like legs have completely gone to sleep and I just collapse on the ground in a heap. She’s just standing there looking at me and I try to get up but instead of my legs moving I hear this massive farting sound, and I start to really loudly shit my pants. Everyone’s now like ‘what the fuck is happening’ and at this stage the teacher is in the room and starts asking what’s going on. I’m fucking desperate to just run away but I can’t move and I’m still letting these loud, spluttering farts go. The teacher calls another teacher and they realise that it’s not just some freak shitting on the floor and they call an ambulance.

So I went to the hospital and it turns out that when she cracked my back my spinal cord got pinched between vertebrae and they straightened it out and I’m completely fine now. My aunt rang my mother that night and I was home before the end of July. My mother told me I could go wherever the fuck I wanted anymore.

[Bandage]

That is magnificent. Absolutely magnificent.

[The_Dunph]

What an anecdote from Robin Hood there.

[Spidey]

Cunts. Was reading this thread when walking from the train to the car and stood in a load of shite. Only noticed it when there was an awful peggy dell when I was driving.
No mess (well apart from the shite all over the pedals).

[thedancingbaby]

Despite what you may have read in this thread, I have never soiled myself in Glasgow.

I have, however, forced the closure of a pub following a bad dose of the trots in Amsterdam prior to Celtic’s memorable 3-1 victory over Ajax in 2001

[Fran]

Some funny shite in here. Congrats to one and all. Apart from Kevin, the dryshit.

[Flano]

@Fran

Some funny shite in here. Congrats to one and all. Apart from Kevin, the dryshit.

I hope you intended that pun.

[braz83]

I had a near miss on holidays in Crete three years ago. Had been there a few days, and the combination of cocktails, Red Bull, junk food and heat had clearly played havoc with my systems. Anyway, in the pub I had a very sudden need to shit and it felt like a big one. I was in a small pub that only had one toilet in it (that’s between both genders). There was a queue of a couple of people ahead of me. It was a very worrying few moments. I’d say if there was one more person in the queue I was fucked, just got in on time. The next 30 seconds was the biggest feeling of physical relief I’ve ever had in my life. The next few minutes were quite worrying as it continued though. The queue was getting restless outside, but it wouldn’t end. The best bit was, when I finally was finished, I looked down and my shit was green and very, very liquidy. The green was a reaction to the Blue Lagoon cocktails I had been drinking I was later informed. Needless to say, I ignored the local edict on not flushing toilet paper on that occasion. I seriously pitied the bird that followed me in there.

[farmerinthecity]

Robin Hud’s story is one of the best tales on this forum.

[cluaindiuic]

Need a clarification here:
Does soiled yourself including puking on yourself in public?

[Tony_Dorigo]

@braz83

I had a near miss on holidays in Crete three years ago. Had been there a few days, and the combination of cocktails, Red Bull, junk food and heat had clearly played havoc with my systems. Anyway, in the pub I had a very sudden need to shit and it felt like a big one. I was in a small pub that only had one toilet in it (that’s between both genders). There was a queue of a couple of people ahead of me. It was a very worrying few moments. I’d say if there was one more person in the queue I was fucked, just got in on time. The next 30 seconds was the biggest feeling of physical relief I’ve ever had in my life. The next few minutes were quite worrying as it continued though. The queue was getting restless outside, but it wouldn’t end. The best bit was, when I finally was finished, I looked down and my shit was green and very, very liquidy. The green was a reaction to the Blue Lagoon cocktails I had been drinking I was later informed. Needless to say, I ignored the local edict on not flushing toilet paper on that occasion. I seriously pitied the bird that followed me in there.

Players?

[Bandage]

@cluaindiuic

Need a clarification here:
Does soiled yourself including puking on yourself in public?

I was thinking of shitting on yourself when starting the thread but it would be a shame to miss out on a good tale. We’ve already had someone wetting themselves so fire ahead.

[braz83]

@Tony Dorigo

Players?

The name of the pub? Couldn’t tell you. It was the same place we used to start our post-cocktail at resort drinking every night in Hersonissis. Their lad outside the door used be very excited to see us by the end of the week, and ensured that we got loads of free Sambuca inside. The barman used be pouring it down my neck. I don’t remember getting home any night during that week.

[count_of_monte_crist]

whilst i was a young buck i was asked to a grad by this bird, proceeded to get locked. someone bought me a shot of benedictine, it was like a bomb went off in my stomach, ran to the jacks, evacuated said stomach contents all over jacks in a projectile vomitting manner. thought i had gotten away with it, there was however sick all down the front of my shirt…christ the stench… i thought i was boned it weas only about midnight, luckily there were a few boys who had felt the need to remove their shirts prior to dancing, needless to say i left said event with a lovely fresh shirt, i pity the poor coont who got my eau de vomit garment…

[Bandage]

I remember projectile puking all over some cunt’s back in the old Mooney’s on Wexford Quays when I was around 18. I’d probably only drunk around 6 quickish pints before it happened. :lol:

Anyway, I knew I was in trouble and was scurrying through the crowd to the jacks and just couldn’t hold it in. I basically launched a load of puke all over this chap as I went past and bolted on to avoid getting a kicking.

Empty reaching and all that lark in the jacks then for 5 or 10 minutes before plotting my way cautiously back to the lads and switching to shorts. The other cunt probably had a carrot stained back.