Have you ever soiled yourself as an adult?

[Bandage]

I got caught short walking from the kebab shop to my house after earlier walking from the pub to the kebab shop around 4 years ago.

The kebab went right through me and I started a drunken shuffling type jog as to try to run in proper strides would almost certainly have resulted in a loosening of the anal valve and shit spluttering everywhere.

I thought I had overcome the issue when I got to within around 50 yards of my house but the resultant mental relaxation proved fatal as I almost simultaneously shat myself as soon as I let my guard down.

I had gone drinking straight from work and was wearing a suit. The shit seeped out the sides of my boxers and destroyed the arse and upper inside leg area of my suit trousers, which I never did wear again.

My name is Bandage and I soiled myself when I was 24.

Anybody else?

[Rocko]

Dancing Baby soiled himself in Glasgow once. Memorable moment that ended with the Baby shedding tears of shit as he wiped his face with a shit-stained paw.

[anon95599269]

@Rocko

Dancing Baby soiled himself in Glasgow once. Memorable moment that ended with the Baby shedding tears of shit as he wiped his face with a shit-stained paw.

ill never forget that till the day i die, he started crying & rubbed the tears off with his shit stained hands- a big dollop of shit was left below his eyes- the streams of tears turned brown as they went through the dollop & inadvertently rolled into his mouth

hillarious stuff

[Bandage]

@Rocko

Dancing Baby soiled himself in Glasgow once. Memorable moment that ended with the Baby shedding tears of shit as he wiped his face with a shit-stained paw.

@north county corncrake

ill never forget that till the day i die, he started crying & rubbed the tears off with his shit stained hands- a big dollop of shit was left below his eyes- the streams of tears turned brown as they went through the dollop & inadvertently rolled into his mouth

hillarious stuff

Beautiful story, wonderfully told.

[Sidney]

About 2007 I pissed myself. It was still broad daylight and I had just gotten off a bus from Galway to Dublin and had drunk a couple of bottles of 7up in transit. I didn’t feel under any undue pressure while on board but experienced a drastic change in the tank level while walking, not helped by the heavy bag I was carrying. I saw my house in the distance, so near but yet so far. Tantalising.

With about 50 yerds to go, the dam burst and took four or five seconds at least to regain a level of equilibrium. The proximity of home and the absence of any onlookers meant the consequenceswere much less than they could have been. Thankfully this is the only time this has happened to me.

[Sidney]

@Rocko

Dancing Baby soiled himself in Glasgow once. Memorable moment that ended with the Baby shedding tears of shit as he wiped his face with a shit-stained paw.

Henceforth I hope he shall forever be known as “Hands of Shit”. There would be a nice symmettry there to go with your other friend.

[caoimhaoin]

Jesus Christ.

Ye do realise ye have major issues if you are “shitting yourself”.

[The_Puke]

@caoimhaoin

Jesus Christ.

Ye do realise ye have major issues if you are “shitting yourself”.

That’s a bit harsh kev, anyone can be caught short, no shame in it…I thankfully have never soiled myself as a adult but would have no qualms about dropping a log/scutter into a ditch on the way home from the pub whenn it has come to it

[Bandage]

@caoimhaoin

Jesus Christ.

Ye do realise ye have major issues if you are “shitting yourself”.

It was a minor enough issue for me as I was close to my house, I had other suits and it was under the cover of darkness and with nobody else around.

dancingbaby on the other hand…

[caoimhaoin]

@The Puke

That’s a bit harsh kev, anyone can be caught short, no shame in it…I thankfully have never soiled myself as a adult but would have no qualms about dropping a log/scutter into a ditch on the way home from the pub whenn it has come to it

Thats slightly different from the stories above Puke.

I’m in shock.

Not very city slicker for lads to be shitting themselves.

[Sidney]

@caoimhaoin

Not very city slicker for lads to be shitting themselves.

His boxers were slicker after it happened though.

[fistoffury]

christ this is a new low.

[gola]

@sid waddell

His boxers were slicker after it happened though.

More shitty gicker than city slicker

[Robin_Hood]

@Robin Hood

I’m going to take that story and raise you.

The summer before I started commerce my mother packed me off to Boston for six weeks as part of an Iaci thing because I had got into a bit of trouble on holidays the year before with a few friends. Anyway this meant not only having to have classes and the like but also having to live with my aunt while I was there, kind of taking the fun out of the thought of going away for the summer.

Since I didn’t have any choice I decided to make the best of it and as soon as the classes started things were looking up cos there were quite a few decent american birds doing the course as well. Naturally, these girls or their parents obviously had a boner for the whole Irish thing so I thought I may be able to make a good summer of it yet. So one day, I was sitting in my chair waiting for this stupid Irish mythology thing to start and I’m trying to crack my back because they’re those really fucking uncomfortable plastic chairs, and this really hot girl in the class is looking over at me. So I like smile and she smiles back and it’s before the class so people are still talking and stuff, so she gets up and walks over to me. Now the closer she gets the more I notice how intimidatingly fucking hot she is and then she says ‘hi’ and I say ‘hi’ back and all I can think of to say is something about how hard the chairs are to sit on. She just kind of laughed and she offers to crack my back for me. That was fine by me since it’d break the excruciating silence so I stand up and she crosses her arms in front of me and stands behind me, and she sort of lifts me up against her and bounces me (best I can describe it).

Anyway it’s not working so she tries this huge bounce and something pops really loudly, and when she lets me down it’s like legs have completely gone to sleep and I just collapse on the ground in a heap. She’s just standing there looking at me and I try to get up but instead of my legs moving I hear this massive farting sound, and I start to really loudly shit my pants. Everyone’s now like ‘what the fuck is happening’ and at this stage the teacher is in the room and starts asking what’s going on. I’m fucking desperate to just run away but I can’t move and I’m still letting these loud, spluttering farts go. The teacher calls another teacher and they realise that it’s not just some freak shitting on the floor and they call an ambulance.

So I went to the hospital and it turns out that when she cracked my back my spinal cord got pinched between vertebrae and they straightened it out and I’m completely fine now. My aunt rang my mother that night and I was home before the end of July. My mother told me I could go wherever the fuck I wanted anymore.

[Bandage]

That is magnificent. Absolutely magnificent.

[The_Dunph]

What an anecdote from Robin Hood there.

[Spidey]

Cunts. Was reading this thread when walking from the train to the car and stood in a load of shite. Only noticed it when there was an awful peggy dell when I was driving.
No mess (well apart from the shite all over the pedals).

[thedancingbaby]

Despite what you may have read in this thread, I have never soiled myself in Glasgow.

I have, however, forced the closure of a pub following a bad dose of the trots in Amsterdam prior to Celtic’s memorable 3-1 victory over Ajax in 2001

[Fran]

Some funny shite in here. Congrats to one and all. Apart from Kevin, the dryshit.

[Flano]

@Fran

Some funny shite in here. Congrats to one and all. Apart from Kevin, the dryshit.

I hope you intended that pun.