Barely twenty minutes after teeing off a woman walks into the clubhouse and she’s grimacing in pain.
“What’s the matter?? The club pro asked
" I got stung by a bee” the woman replied
“Where” The club pro said
“Between the first and second holes”
“hmmmmm” The pro said " Sounds like your stance is a little too wide"
1 Like
2 suicide bombers out shopping. One puts a rucksack on and turns his back to the other and says:
“does my bomb look big in this?”
Been dying to use the spoiler tag so I’ll employ it here:
What is red and silver and crawls into walls?
A baby with forks in his eyes
I fancied watching a film tonight so I strolled down to Xtra Vision and said to the bird there, ‘any chance I could get Batman Forever?’
She goes ‘not a chance pal, you’ll need to bring it back on Monday!’
Ahoy!!
Steamboatsam’s ma and da were driving home one very cold night when his ma asks his da to stop the car. There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive.
It was and she said to her husband, “It’s nearly frozen to death. Can we take it home with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?”
He says, “Aye alright, get in the car with it.”
“Where shall I put it to get it warm?”
He says, "Put it in between your legs. It’s nice and warm down there.’’
“But what about the smell?”
"Just hold its nose!’’
2 Likes
Belter Sam!
[size=5]NEWSFLASH[/size]
Dr. Calvin Rickson, a scientist from Ohio State University has
invented a bra that keeps women’s breasts from jiggling and
prevents the nipples from pushing through the fabric when cold
weather sets in.
At a news conference, after announcing the invention, a large
group of men took Dr. Rickson outside and kicked the shit out
of him.
A Polish man goes to the eye doctor. The bottom line of the eye chart has the letters:
C Z Y N Q S T A S Z
The Optometrist asks "Can you read this?”
"Read it?”, the Pole replies, "I know the cunt!”
7 Likes
Fucko says
why did brendan fall off the swing?
he had no fucking arms.
2 Likes