TFK Astro Team Night Out - 16/03/10

A debate is raging about whether we will descend upon Krystle, like Newcastle United, or Copper’s, like Tottenham Hotspur, for our party tonight.

I must say, I’m rather concerned about one particular element relating to this evening’s bash. There’s the strong potential for Jugs and cecs4 to kick off violently given their current engagement in a John Terry and Wayne Bridge style disagreement. Of course, it wouldn’t be the first time these two have rained blows on each other (with fists) over a lady and it’s a tribute to Rocko’s management that their differences were isolated and contained from the rest of the squad during the title run in.

The Undercard
It started on the Wednesday before Christmas when cesc4 was chatting up a lady in the pub and Jugs was standing beside him, like the awkward, ginger spare prick that he is. cesc4, sensing Jugs’ being on the periphery, introduced the lady to Jugs and, as is the ginger man’s wont, he proceeded to edge into cesc4’s personal space, block him out of the conversation and ultimately drag the lady back to his gaff that night. It was left to cesc4 to bang an incredible fatty who was meandering around the pub on her own that night and the tension has lingered between Jugs and himself since then.

The Main Event
Fast foward to a couple of weeks ago and cesc4 and Jugs were in Copper’s waiting for Fidelma (Jugs’ ex) and Penelope (hand picked friend chosen especially for cesc4) to arrive when Jugs launched another curveball with devastating consequences for cesc4. Yes, he had been texting another lady entirely that night and she arrived with her two friends. cesc4 had been getting on swimmingly with Penelope but Fidelma was so distraught by Jugs ditching her for the other damsel that she dragged cesc4 away from Penelope telling him, ‘your friend is horrible’.

Not knowing what to do, cesc4 joined Jugs and the other 3 ladies. Jugs was chatting separately to his own intended target leaving cesc4 to talk away to one of the other two, a decent wan, while the third an ugly, little fatty stood idly by. Where was I that night? The latter would have been perfect for me but I digress. Anyway, Jugs’ bird went off for a shit or something and the ginger man, as is his wont (please refer to previous incident above), must have feared that cesc4 was making too much headway and so did the usual manouevre. Yes, he edged across, blocked cesc4 out of the conversation and commenced speaking to the other relatively decent bird just to hedge his bets in case his own wan told him to piss off. The fatty was rightly ignored by both of them at all times.

cesc4 was too demoralised to put up a fight so he trudged off disconsolately towards the far side of the bar only to be grabbed by a lady as he passed. ‘Do you remember me?’ You were actually the guy I had my eye on that night,’ she said. Incredibly, it was the lady from December. ‘Yes, I remember,’ replied the stunned former tennis player, ‘You went off and had sex with my friend that night though’.

But revenge was now on cesc4’s mind having been the victim of Jugs’ forceful attacking play in pub and club situations on too many occasions than he wished to remember. The fact that he could potentially be stirring Jugs’ porridge didn’t even cross his mind. Even though it most definitely should have done. It wasn’t long before cesc4 and the lady were passionately kissing and cesc4’s thoughts turned to getting her home in a taxi. However, his being distracted and looking briefly into the middle distance proved fatal, as he turned back around to witness the complete slag getting stuck into another lad a couple of yards away on the dancefloor.

Post Fight Analysis
It was the revenge score that backfired dramatically for cesc4 but it still had the effect of intensifying the tension between both himself and Jugs. It’s hard to actually pinpoint who is the John Terry in this tawdry affair and I don’t yet know whether to order ‘Team Jugs’ or ‘Team cesc4’ t-shirts for the rest of us to wear under our jerseys next season. Since that fateful night, both men have attempted the novel approach of not trying to force it into birds that the other has done but I don’t think they’ll ever be the friends they once were. And I’m not sure if we can be the team we once were either.

Good summary of events there Bandage.

I was particularly upset by Cesc4 telling me of his successes with Jugs’ lady friend before Jugs himself found out. It put me in a very difficult position. I felt I had no option but to approach Jugs with the news but thankfully I was able to keep the lads apart at matches afterwards, opting to play Cesc4 up front despite the fact he can’t shoot, just to have him a healthy distance from the heartbroken jugs.

Pretty good summation Bandage. I had heard all sorts of rumours floating around about what actually happened but now it is clear.

If I could be critical of your piece I would say that is definitely not independent - it reminds me of the Sindo talking about Sinn Fein with Jugs as Sinn Fein.

What I want to know is the story where fists did fly at one stage as I think this is of critical importance to the whole nasty undercurrent to this feud.

Forgive me Farmer but I tried to remain as neutral in tone as possible. It’s just that I’ve also been victim to the ‘Jugs attack from the wing’ when chatting to birds and I feel cesc4’s pain. You see, Jugs isn’t really fat but his arse is incredibly big and disproportionate to the rest of his body. If he edges in between man and bird and thrusts his hole backwards in a certain manner you can literally end up about 10 yards away from the bird you were speaking to.

Their fist fight was many years ago when we were all living together. I was away on audit duty at the time so the two of them had a few awkward nights alone in the house in the aftermath. I think they even slept in separate rooms for a period.

Who won the fight?