:oops:
[QUOTE=âbalbec, post: 1079023, member: 193â]I was in a pub one day and a white horse walked in. He made his way up to the bar and leant on it with his two front legs. There werenât many people in the bar, just the barman and a few old fellas. Barman is staring at the horse and eventually says âcan I help you?â.
âPintâ says the horse.
The barman pulls the pint and serves the horse. The horse starts sipping away at the pint, minding his own business.
The barman hadnât served a horse before. But he decides to engage him in conversation. âNice weather isnât it?â. The horse snorted. âdid you see the match last night?â. Another short from the horse. Barman is running out of topics of conversation with the horse, who doesnât seem too interested. Finally the barman says âwe have a drink in the bar here named after youâ.
The horseâs ears pricked up âIs that rightâ? âyeahâ says the barman.
âEd???â[/QUOTE]
What the fuck is this shit?
polish yarns are fair shit
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I have told this before. While out one night with my auld fella,brother and a couple of friends, the auld fella posed the question âwhy is no woman good enough for a motherâs son?â.
âGo on tell us says weâ, âitâs because all mothers know women are cuntsâ.
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[QUOTE=âbalbec, post: 1079023, member: 193â]I was in a pub one day and a white horse walked in. He made his way up to the bar and leant on it with his two front legs. There werenât many people in the bar, just the barman and a few old fellas. Barman is staring at the horse and eventually says âcan I help you?â.
âPintâ says the horse.
The barman pulls the pint and serves the horse. The horse starts sipping away at the pint, minding his own business.
The barman hadnât served a horse before. But he decides to engage him in conversation. âNice weather isnât it?â. The horse snorted. âdid you see the match last night?â. Another short from the horse. Barman is running out of topics of conversation with the horse, who doesnât seem too interested. Finally the barman says âwe have a drink in the bar here named after youâ.
The horseâs ears pricked up âIs that rightâ? âyeahâ says the barman.
âEd???â[/QUOTE]
fuck sake, keep you third world yarns in Polan mate
[QUOTE=âThe Big Cheese, post: 1076976, member: 1137â]This is a true story
There is a lad from a neighbouring village whos nickname is Small Spuds. For years I wondered why he was called this and assumed he had a small cock or something similar. I asked the auld lad one day as to why he was called Small Spuds.
He told me that Small Spuds used to be an awful man for going drinking all day on a Sunday and quite often on a Monday as well. The wife one day sick of ringing the pub trying to get him home burst in the door of the pub with his dinner on a plate and fucked it up on the counter in from of him to try and shame him out of the pub. My man takes one look at the dinner and turns to the wife and says âthe spuds are a bit smallâ
[/QUOTE]
Hmmmmm. Surprisingly similar to an actual story about a friend of our family, a man who had a terrible problem with alcohol. Heâs in the pub one Sunday after service (not a catholic) as was his wont, well on it, the wife sick of this shite, she strides into Lennons with the Sunday lunch, plops it down on the table in front of him and walks out without a word. The whole pub goes silent and our hero looks up and says âanyone have a fork and knife?â.
Heard a good one over the weekend about a neighbour of mine.
He was in around Thomondgate/Kileely buying some auld bit of scrap of one of the locals. He was killing time and saw what he thought was a coffee shop/dinner so he popped in and got a coffee and sticky bun for himself. He was delighted as it only cost him âŹ1.50
The following week himself and the wife were in town getting their pensions and the messages when the wife said she was fed up of cooking and they would have their dinner out as they were in town. He pipes up saying he knows this great place which does noble dinners.
Over they drive to Kileely anyway and when they pull in the wife says with trepidation âI donât think we will get a dinner in hereâ to which the husband says âyou will get as good a dinner as you will findâ and gets out of the car.
They end up getting two dinners, tea and jelly and ice cream - âŹ10 for the lot. He delighted with himself.
Turns out it was St Munchenâs community centre and in essence a drop in centre for the homeless and those down on their luck so they can get a hot meal at a small price, meals on wheels etc.
My man is going around the place bragging about the bargain he is getting.
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Limerick folk happy to help out their less fortunate Clare neighbours.
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Not sure if this is a yarn or just a story but Iâll tell it anyway.
I was in conversation with a bachelor and a few others at home last weekend. A few drinks in and someone asks him what he makes of paying for sex.
âIâve never asked a woman for money and Iâm not going to start now!â
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There was a man who may have been cateogised as âa quiet old sortâ living beside me at home a few years back - letâs call him Michael. He was âlooked afterâ for years by his cousin who lived close by and when the cousin died, neighbours used to look in on him for time to time but it wouldnât have been as frequent as his cousinâs watch.
Anyway, another neighbour passed away and Michael was at the wake. He had told people that he had bought a new pair of shoes off a group of gentleman that called to his house selling items - I think he said their surname was Stokes. Anyway, the crowd looked at Michaelâs shoes a bit more closely and, despite Michaelâs happy demeanour and apparent satisfaction with his purchase, he was in fact wearing two left shoes! It was decided to say nothing and leave Michael to it.
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The purveyors of the merchandise hadnât too far to travel at least. Theyâre fuckers.
I heard a slightly different version of that auld yarn 20 years ago in Cork
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⌠except he was wearing two right shoes.
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A grand auld yarn from the Willies.
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when Viagra started to be popular this oul lad stood at the bar in the pub was extolling itâs virtues and that it had changed his life, and it was the best little pill ever invented.
the pub landlady sez âŚâcan you get it over the counter?â
the oul lad replied âŚâIâd say so, âŚbut I might have to take 3 or 4 of them!â
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Like the yarn about the oul lad who extolled itâs virtues. When pointed out to him that he hadnât had a woman in decades, he replied that he knew that, but it stopped him rolling out of bed during the night.
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