So, I was out for a couple of pints with Claire on Saturday and she was telling me about her ex, whose best pal runs a well known fringe festival (not Edinburgh, south coast). So your man invited her ex down for the few days, and they went to the opening night of the comedy. Due to your manâs role, not only were they right at the front, your man brought his three kids (and it was a lairy evening show,). The comedian, not an A Lister, but weâll enough known started it with the audience. He then saw the kids , and went up to the first one (aged 6) with the microphone. âRightâ he says âwhatâs the rudest word you know?â
The kid thought for a few seconds, before saying ânxxxerâ at the top of his voice into the microphone.
The comedian in question moved swiftly on.
People who annoy you
IN COURT
Actress claims she was forced to drive drunk to avoid threesome
Foyleâs War star tells court she reversed into parked car âin her rush to escape unwanted attentionsâ
MARTIN EVANSCrime Editor
HONEYSUCKLE WEEKS, the Foyleâs Waractress, has been banned from driving after claiming she was forced to get behind the wheel while drunk to avoid being coerced into a threesome.
Honeysuckle Weeks, pictured, toned down her glamorous look for her appearance at Worthing magistratesâ court, below
The 43-year-old was more than twice the legal drink-drive limit when she reversed into a parked car in Arundel, West Sussex, and drove off.
She was arrested after an off-duty police officer witnessed the incident and stopped her Honda CR-V SUV.
Appearing before Worthing magistratesâ court, the Oxford-educated actress admitted drink-driving but said she had been trying to escape a situation where she feared she would be coerced into having sex.
Mathew Howell, prosecuting, said: âOn Monday Nov 28 last year at approximately 7.20pm, the defendant was driving her vehicle in Arundel when she was seen to reverse into a parked car on the street.
âThe defendant drove off from the scene before returning 15 seconds later.
âThe vehicle was stopped and the police officer realised the driver was drunk.â
Weeks, who was wearing a tweed checked jacket, brown trousers, a grey polo neck jersey and brown boots for her court appearance, told magistrates she had been out drinking with friends on Nov 28 last year and had been invited to stay over for the night.
But she said her friend had also invited his lover to stay over and she feared she would be coerced into a threesome.
She said: âI was expecting to stay the night in a friendâs house in Arundel but the man in question invited his lover to the property and I was in danger of being coerced into sexual actions with them, which I found extremely unwelcome.â
Following her arrest, tests showed Weeks had 78 micrograms of alcohol in 100 millilitres of breath â the legal limit is 35 micrograms.
The actress, who has also appeared in episodes of Death in Paradise and Midsomer Murders, pleaded guilty to a single charge of drink driving.
She asked for leniency, explaining she needed her car to take her son to school every day.
Weeks also told the court she did not have a steady income at the moment and was receiving Universal Credit.
She was banned from driving for 20 months, fined ÂŁ120 with ÂŁ85 court costs and ordered to pay a victim surcharge of ÂŁ48.
âI was in danger of being coerced into sexual actions which I found extremely unwelcomeâ
She agreed to undertake a drink- driving awareness course which would reduce her driving ban by 20 weeks, meaning her licence could be returned to her in April 2024.
The driving ban is the latest in a series of blows suffered by the actress who made her name playing Samantha Stewart in the long-running ITV detective series Foyleâs War alongside Michael Kitchen.
A self-confessed âwild childâ and âhippyâ, Weeks dated Hugh Grant, the actor.
She was also engaged to Anno Birkin, an English musician and poet, who was killed in a road traffic accident in Italy in 2001.
In 2005, she married hypnotherapist Lorne Stormonth-Darling in a Buddhist ceremony in the Himalayas followed by a more traditional wedding in London in 2007.
They have one son, who was born in 2011.
In 2015, Weeks, who was educated at Roedean in Brighton before reading English at Pembroke College, Oxford, was ordered to wear an electronic tag after being caught speeding while banned from driving.
In July the following year, she went missing after telling her family she had been suffering from anxiety.
Sussex Police issued an urgent appeal to help find her but she was located safe and well and returned home.
She made no comment as she sheltered from the rain when she left court yesterday.
Honeysuckle weeks and Lorne Stormonth-darling.
She lives in a strange world.
Sad oul story that.
She was a ride in Foyles war.
Pictured here with Brian Kerr
From Jonathan Wilsonâs book on the Charlton brothers.
During Italia 90 when Ireland were based in Sardinia, Mick Byrne was in a âboisterousâ mood and knocked into an expensive looking model boat in a shop smashing it to bits.
The owner ran out horrified. Mick apologised sincerely. âMe so sorryâ. The owner didnât listen. He called his wife. âMe so so sorryâ said Mick again. The couple werenât listening despite Mick reaffirming his apologies.
Eventually Mick in his broad Dublin accent changed tack.
âMe not sorry anymore. Fuck you and fuck your boat!!â
Thatâs hardly her real name
Imagine having a guest like that on the Late Late now?
I was thinking the same thing
A stranger rolled into a local town a few years back. He started drinking in the pubs and fraternising with the locals but was slow to pay for his drinks.
Anyway a pub owner was beginning to get fed up of his bullshit so conversations were had as to the fellaâs background with the locals.
âHeâs a bolloxâ said one. âYou canât trust himâ said another while a third commended him saying that the stranger was actually a doctor and everyone should respect him.
Anyway the pub owner saw his chance and began to quiz the stranger about his medical background.
âIâm only studying to be a doctor. Thatâs why I have little money to pay for drinkâ.
âOh right - where are you studying?â
âLongford!!!â
He wasnât seen again after that.
Iâve seen this clip a gazillion times and am still in stitches every time I see it.
Its not even that great a story but by jaysis can he tell it.
This exactly. The punchline is actually shite. But âthe peuuuupeââŚ
George Bestâs story about Ferenc PuskĂĄs in Australia:
âI was with (Bobby) Charlton, (Denis) Law, and PuskĂĄs, we were coaching in a football academy in Australia. The youngsters we were coaching did not respect him including making fun of his weight and age.
We decided to let the guys challenge a coach to hit the crossbar 10 times in a row, obviously, they picked the old fat one.
Law asked the kids how many they thought the old fat coach would get out of ten. Most said less than five. Best said ten.
The old fat coach stepped up and hit nine in a row. For the tenth shot, he scooped the ball in the air, bounced it off both shoulders and his head, then flicked it over with his heel and cannoned the ball off the crossbar on the volley.
They all stood in silence then one kid asked who he was, I replied, âTo you, his name is Mr. PuskĂĄsâ.â
You could see the kids point all the same