My oul fella once arrived home and asked did the neighbours cat look like a rabbit.
“why would you ask that?”
Because I just ran over a rabbit that looked a bit like barton’s cat"
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As good a line as was ever put in cyber-ink. Home, changed and out again in five minutes. Up the street and the bank-link out, a fear of it, the publican, myself and a mate and a couple of rambling-thru Canadians supping well into the small hours. A small salve to my addled conscience.
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He was only a cunt of a cat anyway
A pussy then?
I laughed out loud during an episode of Mrs Browns Boys
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What part pal?
The movie is starting now in tigh Glas 
Has your auld fella made the joke yet about how yer ma has an awful wide box?
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It’s not an annual thing. It’ll be his last one this year, tough day but a good one. Have a nice night pudgey.
Sorry to hear that, pal. That’s brutal. Enjoy it if you can.
Sorry to read that, pal.
Jaysus… Sorry to read that, pal.
Sorry to hear that glas - rough break pal.
I had some great banter with a former British and Irish Lion last night.
Of the East Clare variety?
No, a Corkman who I was stood beside in Tom Collins bar last night while queueing to get to the thronged bar.
I let on a hadn’t a notion who he was and he was a complete gent listening to my ball hopping
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You queued to get into Tom Collins?
No, was inside and it was wedged, 4 deep at the end of the bar to get a drink
That sounds horrific.