I’m unsure why you post in this thread. You seem to be using it as a journal almost - you are not listening to anyone else or taking in other people’s comments,
The simple fact of the matter is life is tough. It can be brutal in fact. Horrific. You’re not alone in suffering. You can feel better but you have to be willing to go there for your family and for yourself.
Your thoughts are destroying you. You’re catastrophising all over the place.
But there is no point saying all these things if you’re not going to let it in.
I’d say a good start would be answering the phone to @flattythehurdler. He’s a good sort (albeit with anti Limerick tendencies) who has your best interests at heart.
@Cheasty for what it’s worth i can confirm that @anon67715551 is well placed to offer advice, for he does indeed, himself, personally possess not only a bad eye but also a gammy leg, ‘nosal’ thread veins, a consumptive and ongoing (10 years+) cough, an ominous intimidating goiter, a monobrow and, I’m sorry to report, a yellowing disposition that jaundices everything from his good eye to his shirt collar.
If such a walking calamity can be philosophical then surely so can you.
That’s grand to say and every day I tell my mother that I’m deeply sorry that things are like this, and I am, but you and others don’t have likely incurable double vision and likely don’t have trouble keeping your balance while having a pee to the extent that you have to sit down.
One poster here told me I had a minor disability. Nobody who hasn’t gone blind overnight and been left with double vision and science fiction dystopia type vision after surgery for seven months plus knows what it does to you mentally. I had never seriously considered or felt the wish to take my own life before any of this and I never expected life to be free of unhappiness or pain anything like that but not this sort of mind fucking debilitation. In the absence of an unlikely recovery, taking my own life feels like the most attractive option and it’s not close. That’s why I’m not arsed about the mental health thing, I feel like those people only want to pull me back into the sort of misery life I desperately want to avoid.
There’s a reason why the website “Optical Express Ruined My Life” exists. When your eyesight is ruined, your life is ruined. My opinion about mental heath stuff has swung full circle. I used to believe that most people who were depressed or suicidal had spurious reasoning for such. Then I came around to believing it was a real illness. Now I again pretty much think most of the reasons for suicidality or even depression are spurious nonsense except for debilitating physical disability or illness. I most of all include my own previous mild depression before all this happened and which I blame for leading me into this mess as spurious nonsense. There was nothing wrong with me then, and I know that now because now there is something genuinely very wrong with me and it fucking sucks.
Folks. You can have everything in the world on the surface and still be depressed. It’s not just based on what you have and don’t have, whether that’s wealth, family, or whatever it might be. Depression comes in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes it’s triggered by a traumatic event, and sometimes that traumatic event heightens something that was always there, maybe buried in the subconscious. While I think we all mean well here, I’m not sure if telling a depressed person that they could have it worse is going to ultimately help them.
@Cheasty I’m sorry to hear what’s happened to you. I can’t say it’ll get better or whatnot. We enjoy your writing and company here, and a lot of the lads care for you. I’m not sure if that is sufficient solace for you, but I hope you get the help you need.
No one can tell another person that it could be worse. It can always be worse no matter what absolute hardship you’ve been through. But everyone’s personal problem is the worst problem imaginable.
No point saying what about Johnny, he’s dead it could be worse. Or Mary has no legs it could be worse. @cheasty is going through his personal crisis and for him it’s everything and that is perfectly understandable. I hope that doesn’t in anyway belittle it @Cheasty it wasn’t meant to. None of us have experienced your battle and it’s pointless trying to compare.
Genuinely @Cheasty and you know I’ve told you this before, you need to get help. The help you can only get by checking yourself in long term to st pats or John of god’s or wherever. You can’t go in for two days and say fuck that. You need proper treatment that will take time. It won’t be lovely in there, but the alternative for you seems to be wait for some magic solution. You know the solution. Get help. Do what they say. Take the pills. What’s the worse that can happen? You feel the same. Best that can happen? You feel better?
I know two people very well who have done long term check ins and to be honest it took both more than one go. But both are living their lives again.
I don’t think you have anything to lose by taking the chance
I have bad tinnitus, a fair comparison to your own affliction. My issue will only get worse, I haven’t had a seconds peace in years. If I go deaf I will still have this cunting ringing in my ears. Sufferers regularly kill themselves from this and depression is essentially expected after the onset of symptoms. I have figured out a way of managing it, nothing is insurmountable really with the correct guidance. Plenty on here are capable of helping
What do you want to do exactly from this point onwards? Are you nihilistic? Would you not read that pm I sent you and try that route?
Paddy McAloon of Prefab Sprout first got detached retinas (I think in both eyes) and then later got tinnitus. He spent two years in bed with the detached retinas but he says the tinnitus is worse.
Am I nihilistic? At this point, a bit, yes, but also deeply paranoid and fearful. I’m sorry about your condition, that is fucking shit. I know nothing about CBD stuff.
