The Let Kev at your Back thread

Unless you completely change your personality then it will be obvious you are a stoner Iā€™m afraid.

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This is the medical advice thread buddy. I like the odd smoke so stop your attempted put down and swing that hook to the cork weirdo thread

Unless the role involves some fairly serious shit (e.g. working deep sea for days / weeks at a time and they need to know youā€™re not addicted to drugs), thereā€™s a good chance itā€™s just a baseline medical. In other words theyā€™ll be checking your hearing (to make sure if youā€™re half-deaf they know about it so you canā€™t do an army-style claim), eyesight, lung capacity and theyā€™ll dip your piss for ketones to see if youā€™re diabetic.

Drink tons of water, just in case they are testing for drugs. They might demand a hair sample, so you also need to strip the hair from every last follicle - shave your head, your balls, your taint, legs, chest, eyebrows, the lot. Thereā€™s no way they can do you then.

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Dont save anything for the swim back

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What you need is an oil change pal. Not the nicest experience Iā€™d say but it is the only way to go.

A simple box ticking medical nothing to worry about.

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Here lad, if you are being serious, donā€™t worry about it. I doubt they will test for it, and if they do, just say you were at a party or on a bus, and lads sparked up beside you.
Tell them you were on the top deck of the magic bus between withington and Oxford road in Manchester, a place where all smoking is rigorously banned, unless itā€™s skunk, in which case itā€™s fine, and a very pretty girl a seat ahead, all dressed up for a night out in town once pulled down her knickers and pissed on the floor. This was on the way into town, not the way home.

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It was a cunt anyway. Eye test, hearing test (i did fine) but was requested drugs test, had to sign a conscent form. i fucking knew it, bit of weed ffs. We need a revolution

You did fine overall or just the hearing test?

When was it? Did you get the results yet?

The hearing s actually 100% its the weed ill be got for and i only have a few with a few drinks on a sat night, pal

Im not being nosey but wouldnā€™t they detect the weed straight away?I know a right dopey cunt who got a job with a major pharmaceutical company in raheen despite smoking large amounts of weed weeks before his medical

Not sure pal, but your pal prob got piss off someone clean and kept it in his crotch?

He wouldnā€™t have the brains for that,he did spend 3 days wrapped in tinfoil before the medical, btw heā€™s no friend of mine

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They look for about a mm of piss, could you not have got a bit of a mates and had it in a small container in your pocket, seriously?

Iā€™d have asked a poster here, not a regular poster but one who normally backs corners or goals scored. Iā€™m sure itā€™s an easy ask, can I have some of your piss?? Betting stress doesnā€™t show so his be grand!

@Little_Lord_Fauntleroy would be out, @Funtime could have anything so Iā€™d steer clear, The beaks heart problem would probably show up but the Sparrowā€™s piss be grand. Iā€™d like to think Iā€™d ask the @thedancingbaby but Iā€™d be wary of being done for diabetes so that would fuck up the job prospects.

Hope all goes okay @feck_itā€¦ Genuinelyā€¦but for fuck sake mate!! Thatā€™s like being over the limit driving (like @The_Most_Infamous) with no tax or insurance and getting flashed by on coming cars warning you, instead of taking the next turn off you foolishly keep going on to the check point!

They test the temperature and all sure ffs.

I wish you well buddy,I know you canā€™t bring piss with you but sid and the rest of the others will be on in a while maybe they can help

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I rarely smoke now mate, with a few drinks from sat eve to sunday morning. And sin e. But its the worst to stay in the system. Sure coke be gone 48-72 hours ffs t

Thanks man. But ive def failed the piss test, its the one "drugā€™ that stays in the system for weeks, and id have 2 joints on a Saturday night thats it. Iā€™ve read up on it, the stuff stays in your weeksā€¦

What type of company asked you to take a drugs test?

Iā€™ve done a medical before but I wasnā€™t asked for drugs test. Like @balbec, I think said, just diabetes for insurance or that youā€™re okay to work in case you go sick with mystery illnesses. They have it on record you were capable to work when first employed.

I was asked to do a psychometric test once to see if I was compatible with the companyā€¦I left the job after 3 months. Itā€™s all bollox.