All of us over here in the colony should not forget to tune in to mainland television tonight for this celebration of all that is great about the empire (Sky One, 8pm). Jezza Clarkson will be road testing some classic 1980’s vintage RUC land rovers with view to restoring them to all their former glory, while they’ll be rolling out the red carpet for England’s brightest new rugby managerial talent, Martin Johnson.
Keep an eye out for the coveted and prestigious “Bomber Harris Memorial Award” for most civilians killed by a soldier, while the finale of the night will see stiff competition for the “Lifetime Achievement Award”, with early favourite Lee Clegg being strongly challenged by Scots Guards Mark Wright and James Fisher. Think Wright, fondly remembered for his time in North Belfast, may get the sympathy vote after sadly having to leave the Army last year after getting his trigger hand blown of in Iraq. The winner receives a hand crafted trophy made from the finest depleted uranium.
Whoever gets the awards I feel certain will be worthy winners. “True Brits with True Grit”, as they say.
Stay tuned later on for the movie “Collateral Damage”.