It’s so absurd it’s almost sad that it’s true.
What jobs does classic Dom want you to do for fuck all wages or employment rights in the future?
They are some wind ups. Lads being told they best suited for hospitality and creative jobs after filling this in!
Just had it on pretty good authority that that uucoam Johnson is going to close all pubs and restaurants in greater Manchester on Monday “for months”
Greggs and Nero will be okay?
Not sure. Doubt it 
Andy Burnham fuming on twitter saying that he’s heard nothing about the impending lockdown even though he’s been in meeting with ministers the last few days.
Will be just like being at home.
There is no way he will do anything for months, a few weeks perhaps
Dunno. Just had a text from a strategic person. Said months.
There’ll be blood on the streets at this rate.
The North had declared revolution
Decent post here from a motorbike forum.
The same lad had the perfect description of Boris as “a stupid person’s idea of what a clever person sounds like”
"I stand by what I said before but I’m sorry for my part in escalating things. It wasn’t my intention but tbh, the longer things go on, the angrier I am becoming about the whole Brexit thing. Amongst other things it has,
a. Taken away a package of rights on which nobody can really put a value ie: freedom to live, study and work in another 27 countries, which I wanted to take advantage of in the next few years and I wish my children could have enjoyed, especially the younger one who is a national level futsal player, which is not very big over here but is huge in Spain and Portugal. That this was due in large part down to baby boomers who are, on pretty much every metric, the most privileged generation in history playing the victim and at times it seemed almost gleefully screwing over younger generations (many of whom didn’t get a say in their own future) that they seem to despise, makes it all the more galling.
b. Made the country a poorer place both economically and also culturally,
c. Pandered to some truly dreadful people and normalised xenophobia, `
d. Risked the peace in NI,
e. Caused division and acrimony,
f. Inflicted on us probably the worst govt in recent history. Even leaving aside the utter sh*t show that is Brexit, as a result of their incompetence and indecisiveness, depending on which side of the lockdown/herd immunity fence you sit, people are dying unnecessarily or their jobs are being lost/businesses ruined (and those people can’t even go and try their luck elsewhere in Europe now!). Then there is the blatant corruption. And as if all that wasn’t enough, they are also setting about trashing the Rule of Law which is supposed to be one of the things that makes Great Britain great and the very thing (Parliamentary Sovereignty) which Leavers supposedly voted for.
It was as plain as the nose on your face that both Brexit and BoJo’s govt would turn out to be an unmitigated disaster, yet enough of a minority went ahead and voted for them anyway, for reasons which I am still honestly struggling to understand. According to Leavers, Brexit was supposed to make the UK great again, but entirely predictably, it has turned us into a more isolated and insular, poorer and badly governed international laughing stock, not to mention that there probably isn’t gong to be a UK soon because if Scotland and NI have any sense they’ll respectively go indy and unite with Eire, though the latter will almost certainly lead to bloodshed. “Great” Britain? Lol. Genuinely lol (albeit a hollow “lol”).
The North is in revolt
Boris deflecting to Brexit again I see, very important to him the brits are taken seriously, like the Canadians.
It’s very much in his interest to keep Brexit a thing as long as possible considering the utter clusterfuck the UK had become under his watch
Winter is coming
What are the Conservatives conserving? Not us, and not even their own party
With his ever-evolving ‘plans’, Boris Johnson has succeeded in alienating even those who were once his biggest fans
Fri 16 Oct 2020 14.55 BSTLast modified on Fri 16 Oct 2020 15.48 BST
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‘It’s such an intriguing strategy to deliberately sow divisions. Or tiers, as Johnson prefers to euphemise them.’ Photograph: Dan Kitwood/Getty Images
Ihate to stray into superforecasting, but I wonder whether Boris Johnson’s wheeze of dividing the UK into a number of bitterly resentful regions will feel worth it in the end? He has created a sort of Covid Westeros, where local warlords rail and scheme against him, as do some of his own courtiers. Johnson, the body-positive Joffrey, rules by whim and weakness, convinced of a genius middle way that far more brilliant epidemiologists and economists insist simply does not exist. Even northern Tory MPs are saluting the Manchester mayor, Andy Burnham, for whom it hopefully won’t all go a bit Robb Stark. Otherwise, unity hopes are pinned on the Rashford 2036 election ticket.
In the meantime, it’s such an intriguing strategy to deliberately sow divisions. Or tiers, as Johnson prefers to euphemise them. No wonder half his party wants to tier him a new one over it. Consider Jake Berry, once such a rabid Johnson fan that when Michael Gove torpedoed Bojo’s 2016 leadership bid, Berry thundered of Gove: “There is a very deep pit reserved in hell for such as he.” On Thursday night, Berry’s warning shot was fired in quite a different direction. The 80 northern Conservative MPs “are the prime minister’s majority”, he told Spectator TV “and – bluntly – he needs to look after us”.
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It does feel as though the boy king, 56, presides over a somewhat necrotic coalition. This morning, Tim Martin coughed his way through Wetherspoons annual results – a £105m loss, the pub chain’s first ever since 1984 – while casting aspersions on the PM he used to lionise. There’s now almost no one angrier with Johnson than the fervent Brexiteer Martin, with the rage seemingly causing his own mullet to try and creep off down his back without him noticing.
This is a Conservative government whose own allies increasingly wonder what it is conserving. Its energies? Its phone battery? Certainly not the union, with the latest poll this week showing the largest majority yet for Scottish independence. Despite the tireless work Johnson and his two predecessors put in to achieve this, it’s easy to imagine him greeting the news with a confused howl. “But I don’t understand, Scotland – I even went on holiday in you!” As of lunchtime, a no-deal Brexit crisis seems to be scheduled for our immediate future, with defenders of Downing Street’s tactics insisting they can manage two things at once.
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And yet, they clearly can’t manage one. How else to explain making the same coronavirus mistakes twice, months apart, and in the context of a public consensus arguably most significantly eroded by the rule-breaking of members of their own inner circle? This week, the Welsh government committed to providing free school meal vouchers over holidays and half-terms well into 2021, at a cost of £11m. But Downing Street has rejected a plea to do the same, despite the humiliating contortions Rashford’s campaign forced it into back in June.
It can, however, find close to £7,000 per day per consultant working on its calamitous test-and-trace programme. Alas, we have seen nor heard nothing for a month from test-and-trace mastermind Dido Harding, who is assumed to be living under this administration’s vast Shitness Protection Programme. If only we could have a Nightingale government. Surely – surely! – you could sling up something better than this in about a week.
Consider the fact that even though it is the approach its senior scientists believe would be most effective, the government believes that Keir Starmer’s having called for a two-week circuit-breaker now makes it “politically impossible”. Setting aside that events will overtake it anyway on that front, what grotesquely warped priorities that implies. As one cabinet minister told James Forsyth, writing in the Times: “If they do it after all this, they’ll be in the worst possible place.” To which the milder end of a response is: so effing what?! Even a career eunuch couldn’t give less of a toss about the “place” the government will be – what about the “place” the people they were elected to serve will be in? Perhaps it should be regarded as an honour to be sacrificed to some mad dick-waving agenda, in which doing the right thing is less important than Johnson’s government not being seen to lose face to the other guy.
And so to Johnson’s ever-evolving “plans”, which typically begin to be leaked divisively to the media (though not local leaders) 37 years before any announcement. By the time of said announcement, things have moved on way beyond what this outdated plan is required to address – yet Johnson takes to the stage and announces the old stuff. The effect is akin to that on a stricken crowd who have gathered in a town square, desperate to hear news of the great medical invention their overlord has promised them. This ruler trundles out to his balcony, flanked by heralds, and with much fanfare intones: “Behold … the leech!”
Cut to the faces in the crowd, all just going: wut?
Inevitably, the situation among the serfs is not sufficiently ameliorated by the parasite rollout, meaning events will summon their ruler back to the balcony in absurdly short order, to announce his next ruse to stay behind the curve. This time, with even more fanfare, he declares: “We have listened to your complaints. And now, accordingly, we present our next 360-degree strategy. Behold … a better class of leech!”
Cut to the crowd, and – hand on heart – you’d have to say the incredulity is tipping towards tetchiness at this point. The general reaction from the serfs is that the leeches are arrant bollocks, that the leeches don’t work, that the leeches are not what the king’s apothecary actually even recommended, that the leeches really hurt, and that it has emerged three of the king’s mates are raking it in as the designated leech suppliers. And so on, and so on, every 36 hours, until the balcony is once again taken with the final word on the matter: “Behold … a tiered system of leeches!”
Cut to the plague pit.
Great to read that that arch cunt Tim Martin lost the arse in his trousers over Covid.
Unfortunately the cunt isn’t, but I’d love it if he went bankrupt properly.