The toilets on my floor in the office have 4 traps.
I always go right down to trap 4 as it keeps me away from potentially prying eyes and ears. If I go in and there’s already someone in trap 4 then I’ll go to trap 1 to keep me as far away as possible from toxic fumes - I think this offsets the risk of being close to the door. Similarly enough if there’s people in traps 2 and 4 then I’ll go to trap 1 as it’d be reckless in the extreme to bolt into trap 3 and leave yourself open to a veritable sh*t sandwich. If 3 of the 4 traps are full then I won’t go in and make it a full house, rather I’ll go up or down to the toilets on one of the other floors. There’s just something too homoerotic about 4 men all lined up taking a dump at the same time and I don’t want any hand, act or part in it.
That build up leads me to what just happened to me a few minutes ago. I went into the toilets and there was nobody else in there so I went straight for trap 4. I was sitting there minding my own business when someone burst in and, quite inexplicably, headed into trap 3 right beside me while leaving traps 1 and 2 empty. Worse was to follow - this person, judging by the noises emanating from the trap, emptied out a great deal of excrement. Then, amazingly, he flushed, zipped and stormed out of the cubicle and subsequently out of the toilets - without even washing his hands.
I’m not sure who it was but I have two prime suspects, the main reason being they’re both from Offaly. But whichever one of them it was I’d hate to be their keyboard or pen for the rest of the day. It was disgusting behaviour and if I was in a senior enough role then I’d go down to the two of them and tell them to take their sh*t and leave - literally.
I would apply this thinking to urinals alright but when it comes to cubicles I’m not too pushed. Then again it all depends on what type of cubicles they are. Im assuming the ones in your workplace have big gaps at the bottom and the door is approx 6 feet(including the gap at the bottom) high. In this circumstance you line of thinking is preferable, but if the cubicles are completley closed off I’d have no qualms over using any.
We’re blessed in my place of employment with odour and sound proof cubicles. Unfortunately there’s only a pair of them. I’m hesitant to use one while the other is occupied but to be fair it’s not too bad because even the flush is barely audible.
What really annoys me are people who wait outside the cublicle for a free one. If you’re in a job you’re old enough to have some control over your bodily functions and should be able to defer the moment for ten minutes if needs be. If you’ve missed the boat on the deferrals or you’ve over-indulged on the All Bran then by all means commute to another floor but don’t stand there waiting. Nobody wants to be greeted with that on exiting the cubicle.
I generally head for trap 2 in the cubicles as I find it hilarious when I’m plopping away and someone either side is too. I try my best to synchronize.
However, at a row of urinals it’s unacceptable to want to be anywhere near a fellow man. Recently enough I walked into the jacks just after a fella and he went to the middle urinal. So I turned around and walked back out.
In the Laughter Lounge last night. Went to the jacks. Row of 7 urinals. Picked the 2nd from the end. Lad walks in behind me and goes 2 down from me which I found a bit odd. Then some bender walks in and goes between us so there’s 3 of us in a row at a row of 7 urinals. I was disgusted and got some wee on myself in my haste to get out of there.
Later on one of our posse was escorted from the premises because he tried to move from the urinal at one end to the other end and p1ssing in each on as he went. Problem was there was some punter in the way and the poor chap got p1ssed on, on his arm. He ratted the other lad up and he was promptly kicked out. Gas altogether.
How about some public street urination Etiquette, Temple bar was making my curry cheese chips come back up my neck last night, plenty of pubs and take aways with toilets at 1am, I’d say something if it was at 4.30am!!
I try to avoid the whole urinal situation unless I’m after a feed of porter! The whole idea of men lined up against a wall with their chappies in their hands doesnt appeal to me, also the splashback of piss onto my loafers isn’t acceptable, I well prefer to use the faithful toilet! I hate taking a dump in those cubicles that have a door that isn’t more then 4 foot, wtf. people can look over the door at you in mid-dump mode, who invented jack doors like that, it isn’t a Wild Western Saloon bar, it’s a loo mate!!
In the Laughter Lounge last night. Went to the jacks. Row of 7 urinals. Picked the 2nd from the end. Lad walks in behind me and goes 2 down from me which I found a bit odd. Then some bender walks in and goes between us so there’s 3 of us in a row at a row of 7 urinals. I was disgusted and got some wee on myself in my haste to get out of there.
Later on one of our posse was escorted from the premises because he tried to move from the urinal at one end to the other end and p1ssing in each on as he went. Problem was there was some punter in the way and the poor chap got p1ssed on, on his arm. He ratted the other lad up and he was promptly kicked out. Gas altogether.
That’s a very funny story Clarkey. Was he egged on by anyone or was it just a decision he made by himself?
Forgot to post this last week, I was in knots laughing at the time when I heard it. A lad I work with sat down in the canteen beside me last week with a deeply disturbed look on his face. He proceeded to explain to me that he was after running into a cublicle for a well overdue piss (without inspecting the premises first) where he ran into a stench that was so bad he started to gag so legged it out straight away cock in hand to the urinal. The guy that was after bombing the cubicle was still washing his hands with a big mortified red face on him.
My mate is Scottish and very loud and started telling the brownbomber to go see a doctor etc etc making the lad even more embarrassed.
Anyway what he said next was the best description of the smell I have ever heard. He described it as “smelt like a polar bear shite”.
When I asked him how would he know what a polar bear shite smelt like he replied “Well it couldn’t be good, you know the cunts eat fish all day long everyday”.
Broke my hole laughing at him
having worked over in the states for a while i came across some very unpleasant toilet etiquette. while going for a lash in a urinal you would have lad pull up beside you to do likewise. not a problem says you untill he lets one rip. this was a very common occurrence
I was in a dozen or so pubs in the south side of Chicago and about half them had a toilet which didn’t have a cubicle as such ie it was in the same room as the urinals etc. Hence anyone having a piss could also enjoy the bonus of witnessing another punter having a pony and trap.
In Italy and also some boozers I’ve been in in Spain, you just piss and shit into this shower type thing, great stuff altogether, unless you have a splattery one
I’m just after having my 4th Carlsberg shite of the day. The entire apartment is now absoloutely rank from the stink and my arse feels like I’ve just pumped a cheese grater out of it. I feel absoloutely rotten, no food in the apartment and I’m too fucked to make it to a shop.
