One that is doing the rounds in our gaffe is “Art of the possible”. And if you want to close something down you want to “sunset it”.
That is fucking hilarious.
The thing I find most egregious is when some cunt introduces a new phrase and every other sack of shit grabs it by the balls and sucks it into their lexicon. I’ve been tempted to try this with inappropriate phrases and see if they ‘get traction’.
Like if you wanted to say something was important and you said: ‘that’s it, that’s the money shot’ in the hope of hearing some other tool repeat it later.
[quote=“Bandage”]Anyone ever have dealings with someone in work who uses the phrase ‘and all that good stuff’ in a sarcastic manner to try have banter with you.
It’s beginning to fooking wreck my head.
For example, ‘Have you read the reports and all that good stuff?!’
It’s usually said with a smile and relates to a client that’s annoying everyone so it’s not actually ‘good stuff’ at all.
‘I don’t envy you having to go to that meeting listening to their projections and all that other good stuff!’
It’s making me angry.[/quote]
Thats also used by fuckwits who haven’t a clue about what is being developed and what it will do.
One guy I used to work with used it a lot and everytime he did the looks around the room were priceless. It was a hobby of mine to ask him to be specific and explain things, just to show how much of a bullshitter he was.
The latest two are
To virtually sit on someones desk until they do something
Which is to bug the shite out of them via phone, mail and IM until its easier for them to do what is required just to get rid of you.
To have the first 15 minutes of a meeting agenda as “virtual water cooler time” so everyone can chat and be late instead of just getting on with it.
I have used my username to answer queries on estimates on everything from usage stats to performance degradation. If you say it with confidence, it’s amazing what people will believe. 42% of the time they won’t even suspect.
What is with this shite as well of sending emails to someome and using the first letter of their name and signing off using the first letter of the sender’s name?
F
Can you drop that file into me?
J
[quote=“farmerinthecity”]What is with this shite as well of sending emails to someome and using the first letter of their name and signing off using the first letter of the sender’s name?
F
Can you drop that file into me?
J[/quote]
Yep, hate that scheidt
Got a really good email there. I went a little something like this:
thx
Rgds,
P
Would you be bothered, and if you are would a couple more letters really take that long
Our place is awash with this fucking shite at the moment
There’s ducks in rows all over the shop.
The following was said at a meeting I was in attendance at this morning:
‘Uncertainty is the only show in town at the moment.’
oh jesus christ if I heat that fucking one once more…
I heard some cunt on Matt Cooper this evening who must have used the phrase “going forward” 5-6 times in the space of 3 minutes. FUCK OFF!
Guaranteed to piss everyone off; and a dead cert to get your own way:
“Yes Dear.”
It can be used in any situation.
“that may cause a scope creep into the project” or something like that.
I also hate “please advise” on emails as opposed to “how do I do this fucking yoke there DonkeyTail” - please advise my hole!
‘there are no sacred cows any more’
“Drop you a line”. Will you ever fook off I’m not a fish.
Drop a line. Offline. Out of scope. Ducks in a row, I hate them all, I remember playing bullshit bingo once in a meeting but it made me too mad, thinking outside the box, twats.
The 1 that really gets to me is “and stuff”, “so, we’ll get the reports done, and stuff”, “can we get that done, and stuff”, it gets as bad as to get some “stuff, and stuff” included, AHHHHHHHHHHHh
[quote=“Clareman”]Drop a line. Offline. Out of scope. Ducks in a row, I hate them all, I remember playing bullshit bingo once in a meeting but it made me too mad, thinking outside the box, twats.
The 1 that really gets to me is “and stuff”, “so, we’ll get the reports done, and stuff”, “can we get that done, and stuff”, it gets as bad as to get some “stuff, and stuff” included, AHHHHHHHHHHHh[/quote]
Its getting to the stage now where you can predict what people will say. We sometimes have a game with a lad that works with us in the UK that is full of this shite. We’ll all write a phrase on a fiver and throw them in a glass. Its up to us then to count how many times our phrase is used and whoever picks the one he says the most wins all the money. Makes the mundane conference calls more fun!
I have never in my life seen a kettle of fish, know anyone who has-let alone see a different one altogether.
Slighly off topic here but have you ever walked up a stairs with a bird from work. She’ll always put you up first, in case you’re checking out her ass on the way up. I’m telling you, watch out for it. “Look girl, this is the ass God has given you, get over yourself!!”
Was about to ask my boss earlier when was the last time he played a game of soldiers? Or saw a bag of cats?
Nah, I’ll walk side by side, don’t want her checking me out either 