Appendage

Commiserations to Appendage who’s getting married tomorrow.

The most important aspect of the day is undoubtedly my taking to the altar to deliver a prayer of the faithful.

I’m not at liberty to divulge any more information as Appendage has sold the rights to Hello magazine, along with forcing the guests to sign a confidentiality agreement.

Anyway, good luck to my tall, awkward, simple-minded friend ahead of his big day.

Please leave messages of support / abuse on this thread.

Best of luck with the big day Appendage. Probably won’t see you on here for a couple of hours either side of midday so I’ll text Bandage with any sports news from on here and he can include details in his Prayer of the Faithful.

I got emailed my prayer of the faithful earlier on. I’m a little tempted to compose my own one and print it up and read it out.

Your composition was touching Bandage, but I would rather you stuck to the prayer sent re Ireland’s problem with obesity in middle twenties males.

LOL. Good luck on the big day. DON’T DO IIIIIIIIIIIIIIT

Where was the stag and why wasn’t there a full match report here?

I’d say that the best man speech will be some craic - any reference to the Premier League, n anything really, will be no doubt met by a disappointing frown and shake of the head as well as a judgemental rant.

Anyway - best of luck. And definitely don’t call me at 4am tomorrow night even if it is an ‘emergency’…

I must say I’m personally looking forward to Appendage’s speech most, especially when he tells his missus how much he loves her or something. Myself, Jugs and cesc4 will be looking up at him thinking, ‘Imagine saying that about a girl - fag.’

another good man lost to the cause…

He’s online at the moment on the morning of his wedding!!

The morning of my brothers wedding myself and himself were getting into a fight with a neighbour for taking up the entire road with a power washer and us rushing to get to the church. Of course it didn’t help that my brother insisted that we don’t drive by the house of his bride on the way there which resulted in a massive detour with the journey taking 40 minutes instead of the usual 20 minutes…

[quote=“farmerinthecity”]He’s online at the moment on the morning of his wedding!!

The morning of my brothers wedding myself and himself were getting into a fight with a neighbour for taking up the entire road with a power washer and us rushing to get to the church. Of course it didn’t help that my brother insisted that we don’t drive by the house of his bride on the way there which resulted in a massive detour with the journey taking 40 minutes instead of the usual 20 minutes…[/quote]

That’s travellers’ weddings for you farmer.

Of course I am farmer.

Loads of non wedding stuff to be doing. And I can’t go outside for fear of seeing my cousin. I think that’s bad luck?

[quote=“Appendage”]Of course I am farmer.

Loads of non wedding stuff to be doing. And I can’t go outside for fear of seeing my cousin. I think that’s bad luck?[/quote]

Appendage, I wish you all the best. As about 150 old people and boggers will say to you throughout the day, ‘Well at least you got the weather for it.’ Just to note, we will be heckling during the speeches.

A picture of Appendage surfing the net and keeping the nerves at bay from earlier this morning:

http://216.77.188.54/coDataImages/p/Groups/60/60641/folders/32250/989523FatManAtComputer.jpg

Few questions:

  • Who’s the best man?
  • What are the bridesmaids like - have you warned them about Jugs?
  • What are Bandage’s chances of scoring? Any female cubes in attendance?
  • General level of slappers present - is it plausible that the lads will score?
  • Slashhook or pitchfork?

Best of luck Appendage!! Did the deed myself 2 and a half years ago and I’m much the better for it. Best day of your life bar none. Bandage, sit front and centre during the speeches, better still, bring a cam-corder and tape them, put them on line later on today.

I don’t think Jugs will be online before the wedding but here’s a few select quotes from him from yesterday evening when we were discussing matters:

‘The birds at any wedding are randy as fook.’

‘They see one of their friends going off for a lifetime of cock and then get horny themselves.’

‘They’ll be slipping off their seats by about 10pm and gagging for a bit of cock.’

‘What I need to do is pinpoint a bird from out of town who’s staying overnight in the hotel so I can get back to her room and throw it into her.’

[quote=“farmerinthecity”]Few questions:

  • Who’s the best man?
  • What are the bridesmaids like - have you warned them about Jugs?
  • What are Bandage’s chances of scoring? Any female cubes in attendance?
  • General level of slappers present - is it plausible that the lads will score?
  • Slashhook or pitchfork?[/quote]

Few answers:

  • Brother
  • Her sister and best mate. Jockies on board I’m afraid, but jugs, to be fair has been doing his research on various bebo pages and the like. The sick fooko actually emailed asking for pictures and web addresses of the bridesmaids. Was at his gaff then after and was surfing the web on his computer and needless to say the sites had been visited. Preparation is key I suppose.
  • Nil. Have tried to arrange something for later but a long shot.
  • Percentage will be low, BUT that small percentile could be well worth a shot.
  • Slashook. We use sprongs, and call pitchforks pikes.

Appendage, tell your missus to tell any birds looking for a bit of Bandage loving that I just finished trimming my chest and nipple hair.

*** Breaking News ***

Got an update on proceedings just there:

On his way to the altar to perform Prayer of the Faithful duties Bandage became wedged in the centre aisle. Following the futile efforts of 20 men to shift this human mass from between the two rows of seats, the ceremony has been suspended pending the arrival of heavy lifting machinery from Rosslare Europort.

Further news on this

The heavy lifting machinery has now itself been broken attempting to dislodge the huge lump of matter from the aisle. People are remarking that it reminds them of the situation that occured when a whale became trapped in the River Thames …

Text update

In a desperate attempt to move Bandage, Appendage has left a pint of Heineken on the pulpit. He is hoping that the willpower of the larded one will be stronger than the power of the heavy lifting machinery and he will drag himself to freedom on the promise of a pint…