A few years ago, I worked with this lad (heād be well in his 50ās now), lets call him Stephen. He was the greatest bullshitter, heād make up stories every minute of the day. If you said the name of a town. heād have been there and have a story about it, heād know people there. If you told a story about anything, heād immediately come back with one to better it. Constantly tripped himself up, trying to remember his lies. He was sacked eventually as pretty much all the leads he was bringing in were bullshit. He went to another printing company, which he eventually bankrupted, through doing cash jobs on the side with the production manager, using the paper and inputs paid for by the company. Aside from being a bullshitter, he was as dodgy as all fuck. His expense claims were hilarious.
He has taken this bullshitting to a new level however. I listen to ABC radio driving in the morning and every so often, heād call in with some tall tale. Itās probably more like once a week I hear him now and always chuckle to myself. Myself and our old boss sometimes have a pint together and heād always start the conversation with āDid you hear that tool on the radio the other day?ā.
This morning was a classic. Robbie Buck on the ABC 702 is talking about Glen Campbell and asked anyone who had ever met him to call in. āWe have Stephen on the line to talk about Glen Campbellā. āFor fucks sakeā says I to myself.
Stephen proceeded to regale us with the story of how in 1990, he was in Nordstrumās in San Francisco, buying a pair of red snakeskin cowboy boots. He goes to pay (that would be a first) and whoās waiting in the queue behind him, only Glen Campbell. They had a great chat and at the till, Glen says to the cashier to put Stephenās boots on his account. Stephen wasnāt hearing any of this and while thankful, insisted on paying himself.
Fast forward about 20 years and Glen Campbell is playing in the Hunter Valley in NSW, so Stephen and the wife go to see him. They met him after the concert (bit unclear how he got to meet Glen Campbell after a concert) and of course Glen remembered him āRed Boots!ā he cries on seeing his old Australian buddy.
My recollection from Stephen is that he had only ever been to Las Vegas and no other American city. This was after he had spent some time working on a trawler out of Tasmania, he had so much money to blow, he thought Las Vegas was the place to do it. I look forward to the next instalment of his remarkable life, transmitted on national radio.
Australia has in my experience the strangest people on the planet. Iāve been mostly to Melbourne, but on the last night of one trip I went on the beer and met a couple from Wagga Wagga who had driven to ātownā for the night (it was midweek). It was one of the strangest interactions with other humans I have had. Next day we flew out of Melbourne to Sydney and flew over Wagga Wagga, which was about half way. These mad cunts had driven 200 miles to go drinking.
