A Princess Grace - should have taken a driver
A Princess Di - shouldn’t have taken a driver
A Debbie Harry - a fair crack up the middle (aka “A Blondie”)
A Ken Livingstone - quite far left
A Jean-Marie LePen - a long way right
A Ryanair - flies well but lands a long way from the target
A Bin Laden - driven out of bounds and never to be found again
A Condom - safe but didn’t feel real good
An Elephant’s arse - high and sh*tty
A Sally Gunnell - it’s ugly but it’s still running
A Paula Radcliffe - not as ugly as a Sally Gunnell but still a good runner
A Glen Miller - kept low and didn’t make it over the water
A Robin Cook - just died on the hill
A Michael Jackson - great at the beginning but gradually fading
A Douglas Bader - looked good in the air, but didn’t have the legs
A Circus tent - a big top
An Anna Kournikova - looks great, but unlikely to be a good result
An Arthur Scargill - a great strike but a poor result
A Rodney King - over-clubbed
An O.J. Simpson - somehow got away with it
A Mistress - I’m up there, but I know that I shouldn’t be
A Sister-in-law - up there but I know that I shouldn’t be
A Gerry Adams - hitting a provisional
Does your husband play? - for when a man hits a short tee shot
An Arsene Wenger - everyone saw where it went but you
A Vinnie Jones - nasty kick when you’re not expecting it
An Adolf Hitler - taking two shots in a bunker
A Yasser Arafat - ugly and in the sand
A Nipple licker - a shot that opens up the hole.
A Ladyboy - Looks like an easy hole but all may not be what it seems
A Paris Hilton - a bloody expensive hole
A Kate Moss - thinned it
A Kate Winslett - a bit fat but otherwise perfect
An Alistair Campbell - too much spin
A Russell Grant - a fat iron
A Peter Mandelson - an unbelievable iron
For Putting
A Dennis Wise - a nasty five footer
A Diego Maradonna - a very nasty 5 footer
A Salman Rushdie - an impossible read
A Rio Ferdinand - Lipped out
A Rock Hudson - thought it was straight, but it wasn’t
A Cuban - needs one more revolution
Putting like a gynaecologist’s assistant - shaving the hole
A David Trimble - tentative prod
An Elton John - a big bender that lips the rim
A very sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wants her vaginal lips reduced in size because they were loose and flapping. Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed.
Awakening from the anesthesia after the surgery she found three roses carefully placed beside her on the bed. Outraged, she immediately calls in the doctor. “I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!” The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the first rose was from him: “I felt sad because you went through this all by yourself.”
The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and empathized because she had the same procedure done some time ago." “And what about the third rose?” she asked.
“Oh, that rose is from a man upstairs in the burn unit. He wanted to thank you for his new ears.”
The population of Limerick were asked if Polish immigrants were a problem. 23% said “yes, it’s a serious problem” 77% said “czesk bardzo mi milugdzie djest toaldta”
Allegedly genuine names from Glasgow’s 5-a-side league???
Steaua Needarest
Dyslexia Untied
Fatzio
Red Star Bellend
Sporting Lesbian
Grass Smokers Zurich
Hajduk Spliff
LSD Eindhoven
Albion Hungovers
Real Sosobad
Shackthar Senseless
Hardly Athletic
St. Mirnoff
Real Ale Madrid
Fred West Ham
Unreal Madrid
Rapid Viagra
Barearselona
Bayern Bru
Athletico Madras
Deportivo Lack a Talent
Bayer Neverlusen
Borussia Nosobad
Sparka Fag
Graham Rix U16’s
Big Bertha Berlin
Inter Masister
Substandard Liege
Torpedo Belgrano
Bayer Leverarchfile
FC Copenbadly
Sporting Abeergut
Dinamo Mince
Red Stripe Belgrade
Fake Madrid
Unathletic Madrid
[quote=“Bandage”]I want to add to the golfing terminology:
A Jo-Jo Dollard - Buried in the deep undergrowth, no chance of finding it.
A Trevor Deely - Not too sure where it went but probably in the water.[/quote]
