‘Doctor, doctor, I’ve broken my leg.’
‘I’m afraid it is a very bad break. You will never walk again.’
There’s an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman and they are all
trapped in a jail cell.
Eventually they all starved to death.
What’s the difference between a rottwieller and a poodle?
There are many differences. They are two totally different breeds of dog.
This is doing the rounds now, dunno if you’ve all seen it yet?
Footballers life on facebook
Rio Ferdinand: going to hit the Amsterdam cafes before the game, who’s in?
Gareth Barry likes this
Bobby Zamora rejected Phil Brown’s friend request
Fraizer Campbell rejected Phil Brown’s friend request
Marc-Antoine Fortune rejected Phil Brown’s friend request
Michael Owen rejected Phil Brown’s friend request
Arsene Wenger is not worried about his lack of transfers this summer as he has internal solutions 1 hour ago
Alexander Song Billong likes this
Visakri Diaby likes this
Denilson likes this
Joleon Lescott has to go to work tomorrow : ( 13 minutes ago
Craig Bellamy has joined the group Money is ruining football
- Benjani likes this
Alberto Aquilani: Oh no! I’ve just had my new house robbed!!!
Steven Gerrard, Jerzy Dudek, John-Arne Riise, Lucas Leiva, Dirk Kuyt, Peter Crouch, Jose Reina and Daniel Agger like this
Sat’day random drinks n’ antics LOLZ
Ledley King has been tagged
Ashley C can’t find his fone, can some1 give it a buzz for us?
Jermaine Jenas likes this
Roque Santa Cruz is looking forward to starting on Saturday
Craig Bellamy is looking forward to starting on Saturday
Carlos Tevez is looking forward to starting on Saturday
Emmanuel Adebayor is looking forward to starting on Saturday
Robinho is looking forward to starting on Saturday
Benjani is looking forward to starting on Saturday
Steven Gerrard hopes his ‘groin’ injury clears in time for Sunday z
Yesterday at 20:03 Comment Like
Ben Foster Ditto z
Joleon Lescott became a fan of money.
Gareth Barry likes this
Marcus Bent is hoping to start at Old Trafford - 1 hour ago
Sir Alex Ferguson Likes This.
Andy Goram became friends with Andy Goram
Jamie Redknapp is literally on facebook
Frank Lampard is LOLing at Stevie G - 3 hours ago 3 comments
-Steven Gerrard ****** off Lamps
-Rio Ferdinand oi oi epic banter lads
-Steven Gerrard did he dedicate the banter to his Mum
Mike Ashley My evil plan is almost complete.
Niall Quinn & Peter Reid like this.
Glen Johnson is looking at new toilet seats in B&Q
Tomas Rosisky is fit and loving life! can’t wait for the new season 1 week ago
Tomas Rosisky is depressed
3 days ago
Samir Nasri is watching Top Gear on Dave. Cheers Abou
David Moyes is skint
Mark Hughes likes this
Didier Drogba poked Jens Lehmann 3 years ago
Jens Lehmann went down holding his face
Rio Ferdinand feels like a prick after his mistake tonight 10 mins ago
Dirk Kuyt likes this
mark hughes sent jolean lescott invitation to join the group ‘Mancity’
invite was rejected
Steven Gerrard has created a group, “Court, it’s f**k easy!”
Eric Cantona does not like this
Joey Barton does not like this
[quote=“Watch The Break”]There’s an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman and they are all
trapped in a jail cell.
Eventually they all starved to death.[/quote]
[quote=“Watch The Break”]What’s the difference between a rottwieller and a poodle?
There are many differences. They are two totally different breeds of dog.[/quote]
Simple but effective. Post-modern humour. 
Lad pulls a bird in a club and is in a taxi back to her place.
They pull up to a halting site and he goes:
“What the fuck, I thought you were a nurse”
“No” she says “I told you I was a Ward sister”
[quote=“Spidey”]Lad pulls a bird in a club and is in a taxi back to her place.
They pull up to a halting site and he goes:
“What the fuck, I thought you were a nurse”
“No” she says “I told you I was a Ward sister”[/quote]
Classic!!
Traveller and his missus in Connemara is stopped at Garda checkpoint -
Garda: Cad is ainm duit?
Traveller: Thomas Ward, Gard
Garda: Agus do Bheain?
Traveller: Toyota Hi-ace
Traveller was teaching his son how to ‘wank’ and when they were finished he turns to him and says ’ when you turn 13 johnny you can start using your own cock’
One from Jimmy Carr tonight…mightn’t be as funny read but i nearly pissed myself
What’s Brown and Sticky?
anal
Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out and runs away.
One cow looks round a bit, eats some grass and then wanders off
Two sausages are in a frying pan.
Because its breakfast time.
Why do undertakers wear ties?
Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance has a degree of gravitas.
One man posts: Anyone getting pissed?
Another man replies: 
X 15
It is near the Christmas break of the school year.
The students have turned in all their work and there is really
nothing more to do.
All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.
Teacher: “Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly, can
leave early today.”
Little Johnny says to himself “Good, I want to get outta here. I’m smart, I’ll
answer the question.”
Teacher: “Who said ‘Four Score and Seven Years Ago’?”
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, “Abraham Lincoln.”
Teacher: “That’s right Susie, you can go home.”
Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.
Teacher: “Who said ‘I Have a Dream’?”
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, “Martin Luther King.”
Teacher: “That’s right Mary, you can go.”
Johnny is even madder than before.
Teacher: “Who said ‘Ask not, what your country can do for you’?”
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, “John F. Kennedy.”
Teacher: “That’s right Nancy , you may also leave.”
Johnny is now boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the
questions.
When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, “I wish these bitches would
keep their mouths shut!”
The teacher turns around: “NOW WHO SAID THAT?”
Johnny: “Tiger Woods, can I go now?”
Jaysus. Johnny was seething.
Why does Noddy have a bell on his hat?
Because Noddy is a cunt
[quote=“Julio Geordio”]Why does Noddy have a bell on his hat?
Because Noddy is a cunt[/quote]
:D:thumbsup:
A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue…
Doctor: “What happened?”
Woman: “Doctor, I don’t know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp.”
Doctor: “I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea and start gargling with it. Just gargle and gargle.”
Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.
Woman: “Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I gargled with sweet tea. I gargled and gargled, and nothing happened!”
Doctor: “You see how keeping your mouth shut helps?”
Your mouth has to be open to gargle :rolleyes: