I’ve taken the liberty of posting up Jhimbo’s match report courtesy of thehuddleboard.com - obviously Celtic supporters are more likely to find the jokes amusing, I reckon there’s some seriously funny stuff in there.
They say the greatest trick the devil ever played was convincing the world he didnt exist. Well after watching Celtic for the last four years, it has to be said that Beelzebub did a piss poor job. But like “Mr Rangers” the fucker has gone and it can only go two ways now. We will either get better or we will get even betterer.
After the non event of last week, Id have put money on Michael Jackson moonwalking onto the Moscow pitch singing alive and kicking before Id have put money on Celtic progressing past this tie. What a difference a week makes. Even Caldwell had me fooled when he said the hupes would be better than they were last week. Sure heid sure. For once the cunt was right.
The fact of the matter was that over the two legs Celtic were better than Dinamo Kiev, only this time the breaks went our way. And of course the hupes were boosted by the withdrawl of Naylor and for Fox sake I hope it stays that way. did ye see what I just did there? Cool eh.
TBH I expected more from The East Germans in an attacking sense, but Big Mogga knew more than I did, and just about every other footballing know all in the country as he would prove late in the game.
It really was unusual watching an away team dominate a European game against not a bad team. Stranger still that it was Celtic. The Muscovites set out their stall to play on the break, and so Mogga said so be it soviets.
Celtic did see a lot of the ball but the Dinamo Minsk defense was an iron curtain and chances were few and far between.
The first real chance of the game fell to a pinko commie fag subversive, but Hinkel was equal to it, as Celtic abandoned the zonal marking system and opted for a more sensible approach. The huddle.
Celtic worked tirelessly and Nguemo who has often been mistaken for Edgar Davids whilst snorkelling, could easily have passed for the Dutch master tonight. His performance allowed Dinamo Donati to dominate the middle and pick passes off time and again.
Heid and Loovens werent too terrible at the back although Dinamo Dresden were playing for most part with one up front. Fox and Hinkel were sound and both offered a threat. Mcgeady the Maloney have had and will have better games but their work rate cannot be faulted. Same for the front two. Boruc made a few world class saves but not in this game and had very little to do.
Then with both teams looking towards the tunnel and half time, Celtic did something completely unexpected and took the lead.
Donati won the ball deep in his own half and found Fortune on the right. The former Nancy boy held the ball and fed Hinkel whose inch perfect cross landed on Mcdonalds heid as he leapt downwards to send a flashing header in at the near post, or the far one depending on where you were sitting.
Deepest darkest Borneo. A tribesman stands listening to the jungle drums far off in the distance. He turns to his friend and says, you aint gonna believe this shit. Celtic have scored away from home in Europe.
Who scored? asked his fellow tribesman.
I dunno the first tribesman said. Probably Chalmers.
And then the whistle blew for half time. Which was just as well as Im running outta dinamo teams. I still got Batumi up ma sleeve though.
As expected the Russians started the second half flying and threw everything at the Hupes, but after ten minutes they thought fuck that shit and went back to their hit on the break style of play. They created one or two half chances but that was more down to carelessness by the hupes than anything else. By the middle of the half the hoops were in control and the green machine was well and truly mowbralized.
Some slack marking almost cost Celtic but once again Hinkel like a firing squad victim was on the post to knock it off the line. Hinkel was almost put on the firing squad post again when his error allowed the Dinamo Batumi (Ha!) forward to send a shot past Boruc but wide of the target.
As the game wore on Celtic were by far the stronger and more likely team to score but this was Europe, this was an away game and this was Celtic. Those fuckin chickens would remain uncounted till the that Boyd burd sang up.
Every cunt and their auntie were left scratching their heids when Mogga sent on Brown for Fortune but what the fuck do we or our aunties know about tactics. Brown was a revelation and had the back four panic stricken with his harrying style. If that was bad he then took of the Australian Larsson and brought on the Fenian Athenian. ( I still love that yin)
Maloney had a chance to win it with two minutes remaining. He got onto a Broonie knock down and charged thgrough and just when you thought he was going to hit the ball straight at the keeper, he did just that. Extra time we all thought. Sami had other ideas.
A trademark precision mad blooter from Hinkel found big Sami inside the box. Like vintage porn he took the ball on his ample chest and charged through the Dinamo Bucharest defence like a landrover through a parade and a cute reverse shot found the bottom corner. Michael Jackson then moonwalked onto the pitch singing alive and kicking and the ref blew for time up.
This was a tricky tie and all credit has to be given to everyone involved. The game was won with Celtics new found Moggasophy of free flowing attacking football. This was a good fucking night.
Theres still a few issues to be sorted out but even so this sent a message of hope to the fenian masses. We wont face many teams like this in the SPL and the only thing stopping us from retaining the title is Nibaru. As for Europe? NEXT!!!
Performances.
Boruc. Fat fit and infallible again. HE is risen.
Fox. A bit nervy when it came to crossing the ball. He did a good sign of the cross however.
Loovens. Solid enough performance from the Belgian. I fucking love Belgians. We should have more Belgians in the team.
Heid. Nothing spectacular even though he tried to be. Commited to every challenge unlike McManus who should just be commited.
Hinkel. Der Kaiser is back on the tizer. Much better stuff from the man who put the dussel in dusseldorf.
Donati. Best performance for the hoops at this level. Keeps this up he might get his song back.
Nguemo. Outstanding. Urinized all over the Russian midfield. This bhoy is a legend in the making.
McGeady. Worked his socks off and never hid for a moment. Always wanted the ball and for most part got it.
Maloney. Always wanted the ball but only because it was his and it was past his bed time. He needs to up his game by a good fucking bit. This is not Villa Shaun.
Fortune. Worked hard but my worry is that he is a cumbersome big cunt and seriously lacks pace. If he was white his name would be Killen no doubt.
McDonald. Does it when it matters and ye cant ask more than that. Got a new hairdresser as well by the looks of things.
Brown. Russian wummin will be telling their naughty weans that if they dont shut the fuck up then Broonie will come and get them.
Samaras. Best performsance since Live Aid. It was that good.
Mowbray. This looks fucking promising Tony.
There ye go. Short and Sweet.
HAil Hail.
