Ben (the hotel porter) I didn’t know you were into music, I know you’re a DJ but I’ve heard your show.
Alan Partridge: I’ve got a broad taste from the Brit-Pop bands like Def Leopard to classic rock like Wings.
Ben: Who are Wings?
Alan Partridge: Only the band The Beatles COULD have been.
Ben: I love The Beatles, what’s your favourite Beatles album.
Alan Partridge: Mmmm, I’d have to say – “The Best of The Beatles”. So what music do you like?
Ben: Anything really, Frank Sinatra, Kurt Cobain …
Alan Partridge: Who’s he?
Ben: Nirvana … blew his head off with a gun
Alan Partridge: Why?
Ben: He was depressed.
Alan Partridge: Were they not very good?
Ben: No, they were great
Alan Partridge: Oh … someone should have told him
The last few days have reminded me of this from Only Fools and Horses.
The Trotters are playing Monopoly.
Rodney: Ah, Picadilly. Right, that’s mine and I have a hotel, so that’s twelve hundred pounds.
Grandad: Twelve hundred pounds for a hotel next to a smelly old waterworks?
Rodney: What?
Grandad: All them sewers. I’d rather sleep in the car, or look for a bed and breakfast.
Rodney: No, you don’t understand. Bless his little… Look, it’s in the rules.
Grandad: Twelve hundred quid-it’s scandalous. I ain’t a tourist you know.
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A lot of this guy’s stuff is quite ordinary in my view, but these sketches are simply genius.
Grandad - when he said we was going out with a mother and her daughter I assumed that I’d be with the daughter. Instead of that, he drags me round every pub in the Old Kent Road holding hands with some old sort with a cough.
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Farmer, you appear to have been talking to yourself on this thread for the last number of weeks?
He was talking down to the rest of us
The time is 9.11, wa-hey! Abu Hamza’s about to crack open the champagne!
Oh, I forgot … they don’t drink, do they?
I was watching the UK Office again there during the week.
It gets better every time I see it. Just a piece of genius.
The likes of Extras is utter muck in comparison in my view.
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Nembo is coming out with some beauts on the General Election thread.
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Watching Trailer Park Boys again - every episode is a goldmine for quotes.
Ricky: “I try to be a role model for kids around the park. If some kid wants to grow dope, they can come talk to me, instead of growing dope 6 or 7 times through denial and error, they’re going to get it right the first time and have some good dope.”
And this is one of Lahey’s best shit talks:
Lahey: “Randy just doesn’t understand. I mean I love him dearly, but I hate Ricky more. I just don’t want to have to put up with that prick for the rest of my life. You know, he grew up as a little shit-spark from the old shit-flint. And then he turned into a shit-bonfire and then driven by the winds of his monumental ignorance, he turned into a raging shit-firestorm. If I get to be married to Barb i’ll have total control of Sunnyvale, and then I can unleash a shitnami tidal wave that’ll engulf Ricky and extinguish his shit-flames forever. And with any luck, he’ll drown in the undershit of that wave. Shit-waves.”
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Grandad - when he said we was going out with a mother and her daughter I assumed that I’d be with the daughter. Instead of that, he drags me round every pub in the Old Kent Road holding hands with some old sort with a cough!
At least you know what you like farmer.
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It’s a quote from a sitcom but it makes you cry more than laugh.
Get over it (Grandad’s death)?! What a plonker you really are Rodney. Get over it. I ain’t even started yet!!! Ain’t even started, bruv! And do you know why? Because I don’t know how to!!! That’s why I’ve survived all my life with a smile and a prayer! I’m Del Boy, ain’t I! Good old Del Boy - he’s got more bounce than Zebedee! “Here you are pal, what you drinking? Go on! Hello darling, you have one for luck!!” That’s me, that’s Del Boy innit? Nothing ever upsets Del Boy. I’ve always played the tough guy! I didn’t want to, but I had to and I’ve played it for so long now, I don’t know how to be anything else! I don’t even know how to… Oh it don’t matter! Bloody family! I’ve finished with them! What do they do to you, eh? They hold you back, drag you down, (on the verge of tears) and then they break your bloody heart!
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''Did I ever tell you about what happened to me in nineteen-hundred-and-fiefflflerr?