General Comedy Quotes Thread

Oh, good morning, Dr. Crane.

Not a morning person, are we?

Well, never you mind. I am.

Can’t very well be a good health care provider if you’re not up with the cock.

Niles: I was at a party thrown by the publisher, Olga Suerbread. The pretentious fop who had the job before me was there, too, spouting sheer drivel about Leonard Bernstein. Being polite I kept my tongue sheathed. Until he referred to Bernstein’s conducting as “overrated.”

Frasier: I assume you pounced?

Niles: Like a ninja!

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The man himself,

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I know a lad who doesn’t live far from me who was at the gig when he died. Thought he was messing.

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It was live on a Saturday night show on UTV. It did look like he was messing.

Fuck! Never seen that before!

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Frasier: Daphne, I am so sorry. I feel just terrible.

Daphne: As you should. You left me handcuffed and helpless.

Niles: If you ever find yourself in that position again, be sure to call on me.

Just like that.

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Roz tells Frasier and Niles that she’s seeing a binman.

Niles: ‘So he doesn’t have to go to work to take out the trash’

He must decide!

He must decide!

Even though I made him up he must decide!

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Niles: You seeing patients again?
Frasier: Well, just this one for the last three weeks. Very challenging case too. The man has father issues, any number of neuroses and a phobia or two.
Niles: Sounds to me like you’ve hit the crackpot.

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Martin: Well Frasier, the guy’s finally having a little fun. Don’t you want him to be happy?
Frasier: I’m not trying to make him happy!! I’m trying to cure his depression!!

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