Guards are very topical at the moment so I thought I would share a little anecdote of what happened to me this morning.
So I was driving to work this morning. Traffic was very heavy. I was turning left about 50 yards up to way so I decided to go into the bus lane which was on my left. I had just moved in when a cop jumped out of the passenger door of an unmarked car up the way. He flagged me down and asked me to pull in.
At this stage I am thinking of what I am going to say. I was going to go with a ‘ok fair cop but I was only turning left in a couple of seconds anyway’. As I put down the window on the driver’s side the cop says ‘You can utter as many curses as you want I am still going to do you’. The rest of the conversation went something like this:
Cop: What were you doing driving in the bus lane?
Me: I was only turning left there [pointing at the junction]
Cop: That’s what everyone says. Fact is that you are still in the bus lane. In fact I should be doing you for dangerous driving.
Cop: You are not aware where bus lanes are. What if a person was in that bus lane and you illegally drove into one and killed him?
Me: Ok mate (didn’t say this deliberately – force of habit).
Cop: Listen, less of the attitude. Also don’t call me ‘mate’. I’m not your mate. Call me guard.
Me: I am not calling you Guard. Why should I? You’re not better than me.
Cop: That attitude again! Walks towards the front of the car and checks the insurance, tax and NCT which were all in order. You have to drop your insurance policy into your local Guard station – which one do you nominate?
[Checking the tyres at this stage]
Me: Why do I have to drop in my insurance policy? You can see everything is order with my disc.
Cop: It’s called the Rules of the Road. You really shouldn’t be driving if you’re not familiar with them.
Me: What rule is it mate (again didn’t say this deliberately – force of habit)?
Cop: I said call me guard!! Ok step out of the vehicle sir.
Cop: STEP OUT OF THE VEHICLE SIR!
[I step out]
Cop: If you continue with this attitude, I am going to have to arrest you for public order offence.
[At this stage I decided to shut the fuck up (not that I was saying much in the first place anyway)]
Cop: Now. That has settled you down. Look you’re only a young lad, I can see from your driver’s licence (he was max 10 years older than me). I have no points on my licence, I always drive within the law. I am only trying to help you here, showing you some rules of the road and you start having an attitude with me.
[This is the most bizarre bit]
Cop: Now go to (the nominated guard station) when you get a chance and I’ll see what I’ll do with this (referencing the ticket).
[He walked off]